Dorsai - Full Circle

With Cat fed, the twins got up and started gathering the remains of breakfast. Evelyn started to get up to help, but the look she got from them convinced her to sit down again – to the laughter of the rest of us. When they'd taken the plates from Kelly and me, Kelly moved to sit on my lap; I made a fake noise of complaint – which Kelly knew to ignore – but making the rest of them laugh again. I wrapped my arms around Kelly, and softly kissed her on the shoulder before telling her "I love you, Kelly Marshall."

She turned her head to give me a smile that told me how much I meant to her before saying "And I love you, too, Dan – even if you are a stinker sometimes!", laughter in her eyes.

When we looked at the others, all of them were smiling at the exchange between Kelly and me, except for Bonita and Claire – who both looked envious.

Sheri and Crissy carried the trays into the kitchen, and then reappeared a few minutes later to tell Kelly that they'd gone ahead and loaded and started the dishwasher. Kelly thanked them, and got a mild Goober look in return.

Jan offered to take anyone who wanted to go to church, but all of them declined. Instead, Bonita asked me if Kelly and I went to church. My resulting explanation of my views on religion got us talking about the Church and religion in general, then on into philosophy – morals and ethics in particular. By the time we were done, it was approaching noon; it was Claire that reminded them that they'd all said they would be home soon. That prompted a round of minor grumbling and complaining, but it was only half-hearted. Gradually, in ones and twos, they went back and got dressed, bringing along the bags they'd brought over when they came out.

When all of them were dressed and ready to go, Kelly, Jan, and I all got up and kissed each of them before they headed for the door, and home. Even Bonita let me give her a soft kiss on the lips.

When they were gone, Kelly had me sit at the end of the couch; she sat next to me so Jan could sit on my lap. With an arm around each of the two women that I loved most, I was a very happy man.

It was a few days later that my secretary told me that I had a call from a young lady named Claire – something that surprised me greatly. I took it, and heard her say "I'm sorry to have to call you at your office like this, Dan, but something has happened, and I really need to talk to you and Kelly. Could I come over tonight?"

I knew that I didn't have to ask Kelly, and simply told her "Of course it is. What time?"

"Would seven o'clock be okay?"

"That would be fine, Claire. We'll see you then."

"I'll be there. And thank you, Dan" she said, before hanging up.

I told Kelly about the call, and she immediately told me "You did the right thing. I don't know what's going on with her, either, but if it was important enough for her to call here, then its important enough for us to let her come over."

For the rest of the afternoon, I was distracted by wondering what the hell could be going on with Claire.

It was just a few seconds before seven that night when Mabel told us we had a visitor. Kelly and I both went to the door, and when we let Claire in, both of us looked at her to see if there was anything obvious for us to be concerned about. There wasn't – but Claire saw us looking at her, and blushed slightly before telling us "No, nobody has beaten me or anything like that. I just had to come over and talk to you before I went crazy."

That last statement helped my frame of mind only marginally; I could see that it didn't do much more for Kelly. We showed Claire into the living room, and she took a seat on the couch, fidgeting nervously as Kelly and I took seats in chairs facing her. When we'd settled in, she told us "I want to apologize for calling you at your office, Dan. It's just that there's something that I've been thinking about, and something else that's bothering me, and I finally decided that I just had to talk to you and Kelly."

Kelly told her "That's not a problem, dear. What is a problem is whatever it is that's bothering you so much. Dan and I can both see that there's something going on; you said you have to talk to us, and we really do want to know how we can help."

Looking at her feet, Claire gave a small, derisive laugh and muttered "That's part of the problem – you have helped. Too much!"

She didn't seem to realize that Kelly and I had heard her; Kelly and I just looked at each other in confusion.

Finally, Claire looked up at us and said "Evelyn and I were talking yesterday, about all kinds of different things – movies, music, and all that. Then we started talking about the sleep over, and what happened while all of us were here. When we started talking about it, it was like she turned into a different person, sort of. I mean, she was as nice and everything else as she's always been. But any time she talked about you, Kelly, or you, Dan, the way she talked about you… Well, it left me feeling like I was being left out of something. I finally said something to her about it – real nice, though, you know? I mean, she's my friend, and everything – and she told me something that Jan said to her before we had breakfast. She said that Jan told her 'when you finally realize that you don't have to be selfish about loving other people, it makes staying happy so much easier'."

Claire laughed briefly, and went on "When I heard that, it was light a giant flashbulb went off in my head. I remember talking to Evelyn a little more, but I have no idea what I said; maybe I need to apologize to her, or something. Anyway, after I got off the phone with her, I realized that I really understood all the things that you and the others have been telling us – about love and trust and all that. And I started thinking about all the things that it meant, and how my life just had to change now that I knew what was going on. I mean, I don't know how long I just lay there on my bed, thinking about this stuff. I mean, it was kind of rattling around in my head after we all talked Saturday night; and it was still there Sunday morning, too. But when Evelyn said that about not being selfish about loving other people… well it just hit me, you know?"

She took a breath, and then continued "Anyway, after I got through thinking about all the other stuff, I realized just how much you two have done for us. I don't just mean stuff like the sleep over, and feeding us, and letting us come over and all that; I mean how much of yourselves you gave us. The time and energy you put into us while we were here, both of you taking time from your jobs to teach at the school, and all the rest of it. I finally understood that you did all that because you love us – and that you love us because of what you saw was in us; not the way we were, but what we could be. I knew that you were giving us your time and all of that in the hope that we'd turn into the kind of people that you thought we could. And that just made it all the more real – you loving us, I mean. You did all that stuff without knowing that we'd ever get our shit together – 'scuse me – and turn out better. The anatomy lessons with you, Kelly, and then learning about guys from you, Dan – any one of us could have told our parents and you would have been in all kinds of trouble. But you took that chance anyway, because you loved us and wanted to help us. So when I knew – I mean really knew – how much you loved us, the only thing I could do was just lay there and cry because I loved you so much for being willing to do that for all of us."

She stopped to look at us then, and told us "That's when I really started having problems. When I was done crying, what I wanted to do more than anything else in the world was come over here and make love with you: to give myself to you, with my heart even more than my body, the same way that you've given yourselves to me. But the problem is that I'm Chinese. Not that that's a physical problem, but a – what do you call it – a cultural one. When I get married, my whole family expects it will be to another Chinese; if I do that, and I'm not a virgin on my wedding night, people will hear about it – that's just the way things work. It won't matter if my husband doesn't care if I'm a virgin or not; what will matter is that it would embarrass my family. My mother and father would be shamed, and that's just not something I can do. I know we're in America and should be following American customs; but my parents are both from Taiwan, and that kind of stuff is still very much a part of their history and all that. So no matter how much I want to make love with you, Dan, I just can't – and that's what's making me crazy." she finished, dropping her head again – but not before Kelly and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.