Dorsai - Full Circle

She lifted her head and was looking at me intently when she asked "You wanted to love us? Why?"

I set my empty bottle aside, and she let me guide her onto my lap so that she was facing me before I answered "When you and the others went to Kelly, yes, we wanted to love you. The reason is that all of you seemed to want to know the kinds of things that I and Kelly and the others have learned, and if you'll forgive me for sounding like I think I'm the greatest thing ever, we think that what we've learned is pretty special. So if you and Claire and Evelyn and Crissy and Bonita seemed to want to learn it, too – well, that made you seem pretty special to us. So we were willing to have you come over here, and listen to what you wanted to talk about, and hear your questions, and all that so that we would have the chance to talk to you, and see if we couldn't teach you the things that we've learned. If you did learn those things, then we knew that we would have some more friends like us – people that we could talk to and learn from and love, the way that we already love each other."

"But you couldn't know that any of us would ever do that, though, could you?"

"No, we couldn't know it. But we thought that it could happen, so we were willing to try. Remember what Kelly taught you at school, and what we've told you when you've been over here: that we love people for the good things that they have inside, and know that our friends love us for what's good inside us. As we got to know you – all of you – we could see what was good in you, and we loved you for it. And the more good you became, the more we loved you."

She blinked a few times in response to that before quietly asking "But you still don't know that any of us is going to learn to love people the way that you do."

"No, we don't know it – but we think there's a pretty good chance."

She sat there silently for a few moments before saying "So even without knowing that it was going to turn out okay, you were still willing to do all the things for us that you did – talking to us, and answering our questions, and all that."

"Yes", I simply answered, seeing that she was onto something.

"And the uh, anatomy lessons; not just the girl parts, but you, too – if any of us had said anything to anybody, you could have been in trouble with the cops even for that, couldn't you? Even before tonight, when Kelly told us about it, you could have gotten into trouble."

I just nodded, and I saw her get distracted, her mind roughly a million miles from where her body was.

After a few minutes, she snapped out of it, and looked at me in awe as she said "So all of you – but 'specially you and Kelly – you were willing to talk to us and answer our questions and teach us the stuff that you knew we needed to know, even though you could have maybe gone to jail if any of us had said something to the wrong person."

I just nodded again, and she said "Even now, with me sitting on your lap like this – what we're doing is against the law. But you're still willing to do it. Why?"

"Because I love you" I answered, simply.

Stunned, she asked "You do love me, don't you? It really doesn't matter to you whether or not I'm naked on your lap, or that I want to give you my cherry – you loved me before we came in here, didn't you? And you loved me before tonight, and before any of us ever did anything with you, didn't you?"

I just smiled at her, and awed at what she was thinking, she went on "You loved us so much that you were willing to take the chances you did, because you loved us so much!"

As she finished talking, I could see in her face that she'd finally made the connection; that everything Kelly and I and Jan and the others had told her had come together: she'd "gotten it", as Kelly described it.

Even though her eyes were on me, I knew that her mind was busy following all the links between the things that had suddenly become clear to her. Having gone through pretty much the same thing myself, I waited patiently for her to finish putting it all together as only she could do.

After a bit, she came back to me with a start. With a combination of amazement and guilt, she told me "The risks you took, and the time and everything else that you gave to us! And without knowing that we would ever become what you knew we could be! I felt so bad for all that I took from you before, but now… How can I ever pay you back? For everything you've done for me, how do I repay you for it?"

She let me pull her into a hug, and as I held her I answered "Don't worry about paying me or Kelly or any of us back. Take what you've learned, and pass it along to other people; help them learn it, too."

When she finally pulled away from me to sit up again, she asked "I guess there really isn't any way to pay you back for all you've done, is there? But I promise you, I will try to pass it along, like you say." She sat there a few moments, then said to herself "Holy crap. All of it – it was right there, in front of me, and I never even saw it!", then looking at me, she asked "How did you figure all this out? How did you learn it?"

I spent the next several minutes giving her a condensed and simplified version of it all – my time in the Navy, travelling overseas, taking the time to learn the people and cultures of the countries I visited, and all the rest of it. When I was done, she just sat there looking at me for a little bit before saying "I knew you were smart. I mean, you designed this house, with Mabel and everything; and you've got your own business and all that. But I didn't really understand how smart you must be until I realized that you were the one to figure things out the way you did! How can you be that smart, and still be normal?" – the last part followed by an embarrassed look.

I just smiled and answered "Damned if I know. Don't think that it all came together for me just like that, though. I had to spend a lot of time thinking about things, and learning, and most important, practicing the things that I was putting together. It was pretty hard, at first, and I made a lot of mistakes and got a lot of things wrong. But I learned from them, and started getting better at it; the more I did it, the easier it got, and the better I was at it. Now, its just a part of me that I don't have to think about that much – but I do think about it, just to make sure that I don't get too carried away with myself."

She smiled back at me and said "Yeah, I guess you would, wouldn't you? And I'm going to take that as a lesson, too – that I shouldn't get too full of myself, just because I'm starting to understand this stuff and other people don't know about it yet."

"That would probably be a good thing", I agreed, before she let me pull her back into my arms.

I don't know how long she let me hold her like that – it was enough for me to be holding her. But there came a time when she sat up again, and with a mischievous grin told me "We still haven't finished what we really came in here for."

Quite honestly, it took me a moment to remember; she'd finally understood what we'd been trying to teach her, and that was what was most important to me. But I did remember, and told her "You know that you don't have to do that, now."

She surprised me by answering "But I do have to do it, now – even more than before! After what I've learned from you, and knowing how much you love me, do you really think that I'm going to want to wait for someone else when I could have you?"

With her mind obviously made up, there wasn't anything for me to do but what she wanted. Not that I was actually unwilling, mind you; only that I didn't think it was as necessary as she did.

Seeing that I wasn't going to object any more, she quickly moved against my chest so the two of us could kiss – gently, and lovingly. I put my arms around her, and held her close, giving her my full attention just as I was sure that I was getting hers. We kissed several more times before she told me "I want to do for you what you did for me, if you'll lay down."