Dorsai - Taxi

I could easily understand that someone else might be reluctant to do anything sexual with her: I was having enough of my own qualms about it. She'd been pretty damn open with me about it, so I figured I owed her the courtesy and respect of being just as open in return, and told her "Evie, God's honest truth, I'm not sure how to respond. Part of it -a small part! – is not being sure about having sex with you in the first place. I mean, you are handicapped, and there's something in me that says having sex with you would just somehow be wrong – no matter HOW clear you were about wanting me to. I hope you'll forgive me, but I wonder if you aren't just trying to hire a gigolo that you think would stick his dick in pretty much any body, any time, so you can get your rocks off. There's the question in my mind about what you expect out of this: are you just looking for a little friendly fornication, or do you think there's going to be something more develop? Then there's another part of me that can't help but wonder how much of it would be us having sex, and how much would just be me fucking you, like you were some kind of high-end sex doll."

As I was talking, I saw that I'd surprised her by just saying what was on my mind without trying to dance around. I also noted that some of what I'd said had hurt, and even offended, her. I regretted causing both of those reactions, but figured that things had to be clear between us before anything could happen.

She got herself composed after a few seconds, and I waited patiently while she got her thoughts together before she finally responded "Okay, I can appreciate how you would be concerned about that stuff. First, as far as having sex with me in the first place, I can only remind you that I'm handicapped – not dead. We'd probably have to do things a little differently, but that doesn't change the fact that not only am I willing to have sex with you, I'm asking you to. So like I said before: let it go."

She went on to say "I'll admit that it hurts, and more than a little bit, that you would think I was just trying to hire somebody to fuck me, like you were some kind of gigolo. I just told you that I was careful about who I took to bed, and that part of me hasn't changed. Hell, the reason I get so damn horny is because I'm not someone that's willing to hire someone else for sex – I've still got too stinkin' much pride. I don't doubt that I could find some guy with a twelve-inch dick that would be more than willing to come in and fuck me all day long, if I was willing to pay him for it. But that's not what I want – at least, not just the sex part. I want it to be with someone I can care about, and maybe even love a little, and who will care and love me in return. I want it to be with someone I know and respect, and who respects ME. You're the first person I've met in a long, long time that fits all of that: the friendship, the caring, and the respect."

She took a breath and went on "As for the question of 'afterwards', I'll just tell you that I don't think I'd mind us being together more than just this one time – but I am most emphatically not looking for a regular boyfriend or anything like that. You've got your life, and I've got mine, and the two places where we are in our lives aren't even on the same map. As you so delicately put it, I'm just after a little 'friendly fornication' – nothing more, other than the friendship part. For the last thing you said, about how much I'd be able to participate… I have to admit that I honestly don't know. I think that I'd be able to do more than just lay there, like some sex toy; how much more… that's the question. I've already told you that we'd probably have to do things differently, but that's pretty obvious. You know that I still have some control over my movements, so that should give you reason to think that it's not going to be a case of you just fucking me and me not doing anything. And in case you didn't catch it the first time, I'll tell you again: I do get horny, so I know that I'll respond pretty much the way you'd expect to whatever we do: I have every reason to believe that I'm even able to have orgasms – even though I wouldn't be able to play with your dick the way I'd like to." That last sentence was accompanied by a slightly lecherous grin on her face, letting me know that she really had enjoyed sex before the accident.

She finished up by telling me "You're the one that was studying philosophy, and you told me that you like to try and apply what you've learned out here in the 'real world' to help people. So you think about what I just told you, and see if there's any valid reason the two of us can't get together on this." The smile on her face made it clear that she was all too aware of the bawdy pun she'd just made; having said her piece, she waited for me to do as she'd said: really think about it.

After several minutes went by, I finally told her "I'm a little ashamed to admit that I had to be reminded that you are still a person, even with your handicap – and that basically took care of the problem I was having about whether or not I should do anything physical with you after you made it more than clear that's what you wanted. Your point about being able to pay someone to just have sex with you was well made, and I apologize for the hurt I caused by bringing it up. For the reasons you made so clearly about the why, and any 'afterwards', I feel much the same way. I trust that you understand why I felt I had to bring it up. As for the 'what' and 'how'…"

I could see the mix of hope and concern on her face as I took a breath before saying "Well, I have to figure that's part of the first time any couple are intimate with each other; with us, it'll just be a bigger part, is all."

It took her a couple of seconds to fully realize that I'd just agreed to the two of us having a physical relationship to go with our social and intellectual ones. When she did, though, the expression of delight she got lit up her whole face. It was quickly replaced with one of nervousness at the realization that I had agreed – and what it meant: both of us naked, both of us being physical with each other, and both of us learning each other's bodies and responses.

Seeing it, I quickly assured her "It'll be okay, Evie. Even though your body doesn't do everything most other people's does, I'm figuring you've still got the same parts in the same places as other women. If you don't look the same as before, well, hell, you've been in a bitch of a car accident and got hurt in it – and hurt pretty badly. There's no reason in the world for me to think you're going to be some flawless beauty, or that you're going to look like you did before. I already told you that I think you're still attractive, and you saw me looking at ALL of you, so there's no reason for you to think I don't have some idea of what you're going to look like. As for anything else… well, that part is going to be a learning experience for both of us. If you can be patient while I learn, then I know I can be patient while you do the same. Fair enough?"

It was obvious that what I'd said calmed her considerably before she told me "Thank you. As much as I wanted this, I never really thought about how it would actually happen. I'm still nervous – nervous as hell, honestly – but I know it'll work out. I can't do everything I want to, but the stuff I can do… well, I don't think you'll be sorry."

I got up and went over to where she was, then squatted down before leaning over to give her a soft kiss. When our lips parted, I looked into her eyes and told her "I don't think I will, either."

I could see the affection and gratitude in her eyes when she told me "If you'll get the hell out of my way, I'll show you where the bed is."

I stood up again, and stepped to the side with the comment "Lead on, MacDuff!", making her laugh.