Dorsai - Taxi

Those, and a lot more, were the questions that kept my mind busy during my free time… for over a week. The only bright spot (such as it was) was that Doris didn't do or say anything when I didn't come over while I was trying to resolve what to do. I don't doubt that if Gail hadn't been quite so young, or not Doris' daughter, or Doris and I not been involved with each other, I could have reached my decision sooner and easier. But that wasn't the case, so all I could do was take the time I needed to get things settled in my mind – and heart.

It was almost two weeks to the day from when I'd last been to their place that I found myself ringing their doorbell again. I'd let Doris know that I'd reached my decision, so my visit wasn't a surprise; it took just a few seconds for the door to open, and Gail to invite me in.

Once I was seated in the living room, the first thing I did was to tell them "I know that my answer is the thing that both of you are waiting to hear, so I'll just get that out of the way right off the bat."

Both were watching and listening closely as I said "I expect you know that I had a hard time with this. A lot of what I had to think about was how either answer was going to affect things between all of us – me and Gail versus Doris, me and Doris versus Gail, both of you versus ME, and all of us versus each other. Most of the problem was that I really care about both of you – and love you, even if it's not a 'family' kind of love. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt either of you, or do anything that would destroy the relationships we have with each other. Against that, I had to try to figure out how much of what kinds of good things would happen; once I got that far, I still had to try and decide if the maybe-good was enough to take the chance of the maybe-bad happening. I've never lied to either of you, and I won't now; it was a tough choice, and a close one – but I finally decided that if Gail wants us to be together, then I'll agree."

Gail, of course, was delighted; I didn't know what to make of the expression on Doris' face.

Once Gail had settled down a bit, I got her attention so that I could tell both of them "I told you that there were some negative things that I worried about. I don't think that I'm some hotshot, or that I should be trying to tell you what to do – but I don't want those negative things that I worried about to actually happen, either. So all I'm going to do is tell you what they were, and leave it up to you to decide if any of them is something you need to pay attention to, or do something about. Okay?"

Both of them nodded, and it didn't take me long to make them aware of the things that had crossed my mind. Both of them nodded at various points, and sometimes even together. When I was done, I simply said "Like I said, I'm not going to try to tell you what to do – that's obviously for you two to decide. What I'm going to figure is that whatever you do, it's because both of you are okay with it. If you're not, I don't want to hear about it; I don't want to find myself in the middle of an argument or a fight or any yelling and screaming. If any of that happens, then I'm going to think that this was a bad idea and just leave until I'm sure it won't happen again. Do we understand each other?"

From the expressions on their faces, I knew that both of them believed that I'd do exactly what I'd said – each of them had been witness to at least one of the infrequent times that I got aggravated about exceptionally bad service, a defective product, or some other problem. I invariably tried to resolve such situations politely and amicably; but when sufficiently provoked, I wasn't afraid to rear up on my hind legs and become a real whirling son of a bitch.

Then next thing I had to say was appreciably more pleasant: "Gail, I know that this is something special for you, and it's special for me, too. I think you'd like some time to get ready for it – taking care of things like making sure we have however much time you want, that the place is just right, and stuff like that." Smiling, she nodded, and I continued "That's fine – more than anything else, I want YOU to be happy with how things turned out when we're done, okay? So you figure out how much time you need to get ready, and let me know when you want it to happen. You know I don't have a regular kind of job, so whenever you decide is fine. If there's anything you need or want me to do or wear, I'll be glad to, if you'll tell me. Does that sound okay to you?"

Happy once again, Gail answered "That sounds wonderful, Jim."

"I'm glad to hear that. Now, you'd better go, so you can start figuring everything out. Besides, I think your mom wants to beat me up or something", the last part making her laugh. She was practically floating as she went back to her bedroom.

When the two of us were alone, Doris started to reach out for me, and I pretended to flinch from her as if afraid that she really was going to beat me up. She just smiled at me before gesturing that she wanted me to shift on the couch a little bit so she could sit next to me. I did as she wanted, and tossed in another small flinch when she began to scoot over. That got a laugh from her before she tucked herself into my side.

After a while, she told me "I really wouldn't have taken bets on what answer you would have given her. I'm not sure why, really, but I kind of thought that you'd turn her down. What made you agree?"

"Don't think that didn't cross my mind", I answered. "It did – plenty of times. I told you that it was a tough decision, and it was probably closer than you might think."

She tilted her head to look at me, and said "Oh, I believe you! Damn near a week and a half, thinking about it? I don't doubt that it was close! But what finally settled it for you?"

"Something simple, but tremendously important: the fact that you agreed to it."

Seeing that she didn't understand, I explained "You're Gail's mother. As much as you were uncomfortable about it, I could see that you were trying to put what was best for her ahead of what you thought about what she wanted. You have a couple of different perspectives on all this that I could never really understand – you're a female, like she is; and you're her mother. I had to figure that the female-empathy part of you really knew how important it was that she get a proper introduction to that kind of intimacy; just like I had to think that if you were okay with it as her mother, then it was something that I'd better pay attention to. If you'd said that you didn't like it but wouldn't object, or even that you were just 'okay' with it, I'd have turned her down."

Almost staring at me, Doris asked "The fact that she's as pretty and shapely as she is didn't figure in?"

"Not even a little bit. In fact, whenever I did think about that, I'd try to imagine her as being homely and deformed – kind of like you."

It took a second before Doris really caught what I'd said; when she did, she immediately got indignant and declared that she'd kick my ass if I didn't take it back. I think she'd have tried, too, if I hadn't started laughing about how easy she'd been to get riled up, making her realize that I'd deliberately baited her. A bit peeved, she called me an asshole under her breath before snuggling into my side again. When I had my arm around her, I told her "Actually, I did do something kind of like that. Any time I wondered if how pretty she is was influencing me, I'd turn around and ask if my answer would be any different if she wasn't. But for the most part, I didn't think of her that way at all."

A couple of minutes must have gone by when Doris asked me "Don't you even care that she looks the way she does?"

I chuckled for a moment before answering "Of course I care – I'm damn glad and grateful she's so pretty, and has the shape she does. And when it's just me and her, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of being able to look at her. But even if she didn't look the way she does, it wouldn't make any difference to me; I'd still do the best I could to make her as happy and satisfied as possible about how things turned out when we were done. If anything, I'd even try to convince her that I thought she was the most beautiful fifteen-year-old on the planet. But that won't be necessary; Gail's pretty and sexy, and she already knows that without being vain about it – you've done a good job of raising her."