Anonymous - Pleasures and follies

Everyone' s reaction to this long story was the same: " What indeed are we but puny operators compared with those fuckers and fuckeresses! But we do make the most of our limited abilities, don' t we? A pity ' tis not tomorrow, wouldst that we could put our small wits to work!"

" Now don' t start frigging yourselves, my friends," I warned them. " Save what little you have."

" Never fear; our fuck is not our own. It belongs to these lovely creatures." Who was surprised to hear us converse thus in my daughter' s presence? Monsieur Brideconin and his good dame. But they were to have an even greater earful and see yet more.

It was Sunday. A fine dinner was prepared and served in the storeroom. Apart from the bed and the old sofa, I had had a third comfortable piece of fucking furniture brought down there: I' d chanced across it in a locksmith' s shop in the rue de la Parcheminerie. The locksmith had bought it merely for the steel and iron at an auction of a certain duke' s belongings. I related the history of this object to the society.

" This armchair you see before you has unusual properties. It is more than at first glance it appears to be. The locksmith one evening shortly after acquiring it was about to sit down in it, for he had noticed it has an interior mechanism. The plump young wife of his old neighbor, the wigmaker Aupetit, arrived in his shop. All out of breath, the pretty woman sat down wearily in that devilish contraption; her arms were pinioned upon the spot, a spring mechanism drew up her skirts, another spread her thighs, a third forced her cunt forward, and a fourth made it oscillate. ' Eh, what the devil sort of a thingumabob is this?' she cried.

"' I' ve not the faintest idea,' the honest lockmaker answered. ' I was getting ready to try it out myself when you came in. Apparently it' s what the Duc de Fronsac used to employ when dealing with recalcitrant girls sold to him by unwise parents. If you like, neighbor, I' ll deal a little with you.'

"' Come, my good man! Is a woman ever to be raped against her wishes? I' ll bite, I warn you.' The locksmith removes his breeches and gets aboard her. The lady attempts to bite him and a gentle but irresistible device forces her mouth open and, exerting pressure, compels her to stick forth her tongue. Vulcan' s minion takes full advantage of all that and nips into the wigmaker' s wife, who' s powerless to prevent it and even unable to scream. The operation completed, the spring and gear mechanism in the chair unwound and Madame Aupetit was released. ' Twas then she began to weep and sniffle, to complain about how she' d been used – ' twas as though she were in the depths of despair.'

"' Why, you' re a great silly,' said the smith. ' I managed so well you' re certain to become pregnant. You' ll have a baby the likes of which your old scoundrel of a husband would never have given you. But you' ve got to be clever. Tell him today that you' ve been doing penance or something of the sort, that you' ve got to go to the church tonight to receive some kind of a blessing, and, when the cure gives it to you, stir your ass, say a few things to warm him up, and, when he discharges in you, make as though you' re swooning and tell him he' s shot to your gullet.' Madame Aupetit left the shop with her head full of these instructions and she followed them to the letter; the armchair was sold to me the next day.

" Having seen me passing in the street, the locksmith called me in, showed me his prize, praised it and explained its use to me. I bought it upon condition I obtained satisfaction from the apparatus. We' ll use it on prudes should we find any in the course of our orgies. We' ll not have anyone sit in it until the proper time comes, otherwise the charm of its secret will be spoiled."

We were four at dinner: Madame Poilsoyeux, a pretty hatmaker from the rue Bordet or Bordel whom Trait- d' Amour had brought with him and whose name was Tendrelys, and myself. In petto, I decided to try the mechanical chair on the attractive Tendrelys, who was still a virgin although Trait- d' Amour had made a steady practice of sodomizing her and had upon several occasions discharged between her thighs. Or, if the hat- maker proved docile and complaint, I' d use it on Rose- Mauve or on her blonde sister Rosalie, or again on our landlady, for I was eager to initiate Madame Brideconin into our mysteries and her husband too, wishing to cuckold him in his own presence. We dined royally well, but avoided eating and drinking too much. Furthermore, we were served fowl and other readily digested things. The reader will soon see how I put my plans into execution.

As we rose from table, Trait- d' Amour said to us: " All week long I' ve had the idea in my head to render the cunt of Madame Conquette Ingenue Poilsoyeux what it ought to be, that is to say, loose, for I' m dead certain that after seven days of idleness it' s as tight as a drum." Brisemotte, Coraboyau, good fellows and mightily pricked, raised Minonne' s skirts and Connette' s too, for it would not be meet for them to bare their own bellies. They were uncovered to above the navel; upon their cunts not a blade of hair! " I shaved them this morning," explained Trait- d' Amour, " to see the effect before proposing the same thing be done to my goddess. See how tidy they are, my friends: every bit of hair removed from every part of the body. They have bathed every day since learning that the beautiful fuckeress daily dips her cunt in the limpid wave and then plunges thereinto the rest of her incomparable body. They tell me that, when the fever is in them, the cool water in which they soak their burning cunts gives them a nearly fuckative pleasure. But behold those cunts: wouldn' t you swear they belonged to little girls of twelve or thirteen?" We all agreed with Trait- d' Amour.

And so I asked my daughter to consent to have her cunt tonsured. She hid her face upon my chest. Trait- d' Amour immediately laid her on the bed, her cunt sparkling in full and glorious view. " A pity though," he admitted, caressing, fingering, fondling, petting it, " the goatee is superb! I' ll use scissors to start with. We' ll mount this silken hair under glass and frame it in gold – it will make a precious relic." He snipped away and then from a rosewood box drew a perfumed shaving stick and for a long time soaped her cunt. As this operation excited Conquette, she besought me to lay my lips upon her mouth, and she darted her tongue into mine all the while her cunt was being razed, and when it was cleanshaven it was washed with rose water, her thighs were dried with soft towels, and Tendrelys placed in a frame the wondrous hair that had been shorn away; after that, the beardless cunt was exposed to the company' s admiring gaze. Everyone, especially the girls, and even the reticent Tendrelys, who, they said, had only come to see and blush at everything, everyone concurred in judging it superb, and found it so appetizing that it was subjected to a general kissing. The pretty hatmaker glued her lips to my daughter' s pink cunt and her tongue roving in the crack succeeded in arousing her lust. Rose- Mauve, who could not stay away, leapt upon her like a tigress, plucked the hatmaker from the sacred object, and cunt- sucked Conquette with such zeal and energy that they both began to pant. The men had their turn: they sucked the discharging gem and made it discharge some more. As for myself, while staring at these stimulating goings- on, I rubbed and fondled Tendrelys' s bubs, which she had in charming size and shape and dared not defend.

" Ah, what a party!" she said.

" You' ve seen nothing yet," Minonne replied to her. Indeed, Trait- d' Amour, having liberated Conquette Ingenue' s cunt of those ravening tongues which had been increasingly active, spoke to his comrades: " Imitate me, dear friends!" Wherewith every prick, risen mast- high, was trundled from its hiding place. " To cunts! To cunts!" was the next command shouted. Tendrelys lowered her lovely eyes; but Conquette, stretched out on the bed, her clitoris undergoing a gentle tickling at the hands of Rose- Mauve, raised her head to see the couched lances.