Anonymous - Entures And Amours Of A Barmaid . A Series Of Facts

Polly D- is the daughter of an inkeeper in a market town in the county of W — . From the earliest infancy she was not less remarkable for the vivacity of her temper, than the beauty of her person. Mr. D-, her father, contemplated with the greatest delight the growing charms of his youthful daughter; which, with a proper education, he thought when her person arrived at maturity, would be a most captivating ornament for the decoration of his bar.

Accordingly, at the age of twelve, Miss Polly was sent to a boarding school a short distance from her native home for the purpose of learning a few fashionable embellishments. After staying at this seminary a competent time, the lovely girl was returned to the longing eyes of her fond father, replete with every accomplishment that is in the power of those elegant receptacles of female education to bestow.

For a few months after the arrival of our heroine at her native place, her father gratified every wish of her heart; but he soon began to perceive, with inexpressible regret, the taste his fair daughter had imbibed for dress, and every other extravagance which young ladies, who have had the benefit of a boarding-school education, generally learn. He then lamented with the greatest concern the sums which he had lavished in the vain hope of making his beloved child a perfect mistress of the business of keeping an inn. Polly had an utter contempt for everything that was low and vulgar; therefore, the uncouth admiration of the country squires could not but be disgusting to her.

During the time of our heroine's being bar-mistress or barmaid, if the reader pleases, a company of strolling players arrived in the town, in order to exhibit their talents for the amusement of the country folks. Miss Polly was greatly pleased at this, for she had been once or twice indulged with a play whilst at school, and had, we must confess, a taste for theatrical performances. The King's Head being the principal inn in the town, it cannot be supposed but the merry sons of Thalia made it a house of constant resort; nor is it surprising that, in their frequent visits, the greatest notice should be taken of the all captivating Polly. Indeed, the manager, who was a very polite man, soon made himself intimate with her; and all the hours that he appropriated to the drowning of care were spent in the company of our heroine. She had been long a stranger to adulation, and it is not to be wondered at if the insinuating eloquence of the leader of the sock and buskin tribe had not great influence over the heart of this lively and beautiful girl. In short, he prevailed upon her when the company was about to quit the town to accompany him.

Our heroine, no less delighted with the thought of "wielding the dagger," as of exhibiting her person on the stage before a country audience, the manager had not much difficulty in gaining her consent, especially upon promising that her first appearance should be in the character of Desdemona.

Mr. D-, being now quite tired of his daughter's extravagance, and she of the business of retailing, did not give himself any sort of trouble on her being supposed to have gone off with the player folks; but, on the contrary, to use his own words, "was very glad she had taken herself off."

However, the personal charms of our heroine, which were universally allowed to be inexpressibly beautiful, attracted the merited admiration of every lover of female excellence, her manifest deficiency in every part she undertook could not escape observation; indeed the manager well knew this, but it was the desire of enjoying the person of the fair Polly that prompted him to decoy the unsuspecting maid from her father's house. He had tried every art in vain to obtain his wish; and when he was fairly convinced the port was impregnable, he sincerely began to hate the poor girl as much as he had formerly loved her.

Our heroine could not but perceive this, which, together with the thoughts of owing a considerable sum to her landlady for board and lodging, and for which she had been more than once solicited, gave her some unpleasant moments, which even the natural liveliness of her temper could not at all times dissipate.

As she sat one morning ruminating upon these ideas, a note was brought to her in the following words: "Colonel H-'s compliments to Miss D — , would be exceedingly happy if she will grant him an hour's conversation this evening, after the play is over." Our heroine, seeing a servant in a genteel livery waiting for an answer, imagined this billet could come from no person of mean circumstances; and as she was now really destitute of money, and her landlady become very troublesome, began to think that it would be the best way to recruit herself by disposing of that commodity which had been so much wished for by more than one, but no price, in her own estimation, offered any way equal to the value of the purchase. With these thoughts in her head she returned for answer that she should be happy to see the colonel at the time appointed.

During the whole time of that evening's performance our heroine's eyes were cast round the whole theatre in hopes of seeing her admirer. Her lovely bosom heaved with thoughts of a different kind from what she ever before experienced, but yet could not fix upon any particular person in the house to whom she might ascribe the note sent her in the morning.

Her curiosity was wound up to the highest pitch; in short, she never spent so disagreeable an evening.

At last the time came. The fair one hurried home, threw off her theatrical dress, and attired herself in the most engaging dishabille. Her lovely blue eyes languishing with desire, and her snowy bosom half exposed to view, could not, she thought, fail of captivating any beholder; her thoughts were of the most pleasing kind. Anticipating the arrival of a charming, youthful lover, she studied to set herself off to the best advantage.

At length the wished-for hour arrived; a knock at the door was heard; she ran herself to open it, when, lo! How great her disappointment, instead of an amorous, impatient, lovely youth ready to spring into her arms — the fond idea she had cherished — she beheld coming into the room a decrepid old man, who, as soon as he was seated, began to open his business in the following manner: "Your condescension, madam, in permitting me the honour of this visit, has made me infinitely happy!"

Our heroine was not sufficiently recovered from her astonishment to make him any answer. The antiquated lover pursued his discourse: "From the first moment I saw you, loveliest of women, I found I passionately loved." It would tire the reader to repeat the conversation that ensued.

The colonel said that he knew of her situation, and very gallantly offered to extract her, on the simple condition of residing at H- Hall, where she should be her own mistress; and, to avoid the insinuations of a malicious world, should pass for the housekeeper's niece; at the same time frankly confessing, "he was not able to pay his devoirs properly at the altar of Venus, therefore he hoped the lovely maid would have no objection to his proposal"; accompanying his solicitations with a pretty weighty purse. This last argument had more effect on the mind of our heroine than anything the colonel had hitherto said.

After revolving in her mind the difference between a starving actress and living in a house, though with a debilitated old lover, and under the character of his mistress, of the two evils she determined to choose the last; and, therefore, consented to his urgent entreaties, and it was agreed that the colonel's coach should receive her the following day.

We will pass over in silence the consternation of the dramatic heroes and heroines when they heard of the departure of their lovely and beautiful companion, whom we now behold an inmate of H — Hall; in which situation she was mightly contented for a short time. It might be here thought necessary to inform the reader why the colonel, who so readily confessed to our fair one that it was not for the sake of sacrificing at the altar of love that he wished to persuade her to go to H — Hall, it was more on this account — the colonel was ambitious that the world should think he was not so debilitated as was generally supposed, and that it should be said he had one of the finest girls in the kingdom then in keeping.