Chico Williams - The Ups and Downs of Life

'Flatter you! by Jove! Look here, old fellar, if you have been out of the house, you have been to Mrs T-'s, and if I thought you had been there, I'd kill you,' he roared fiercely.

'Now, my dear M-, pray talk any rhapsody you please, but have a little mercy on my nerves!'

said I, coolly, but to say truth I was in a most damnable funk.

'Then you really have not been out today?' said he, cooling down a little.

'Captain M-,' said I, rising, and making him a bow, 'when I tell a gentleman one thing, I don't mean another. If you think I'm a liar, say so like a man, and I shall know how to avenge myself for the insult!' and I bent upon him a look so fierce and defiant, that the strong man cast down his eyes; in the boy of seventeen he had found his match.

'But, sir,' I went on, 'as you have done me the honour to mention the name of that most virtuous lady, whose husband's friend I am, may I be permitted to enquire, Suppose I had been there this morning, what business is it of yours? You are not her husband, or the friend of her husband — nay he detests you — and I tell you, as a friend, that it is currently reported you are the father of her child.

Now, mind you, I pry into no man's secrets, it's nothing to me one way or the other, but if you, undermining the affections of that lady for her husband, have seduced her, very ill it becomes you to fall foul of any lovers, other than yourself, that she may have. You have seemed to imply that I am one; look upon me, look upon yourself,' and I pointed to a mirror, 'would a woman who would choose a stalwart like you, condescend to a mere boy like me?'

He seemed convinced, and took leave, saying, 'Forgive me, S-; I am sorry I offended you, but you don't know how much I love that woman.'

'My dear M-, she has deceived her old, confiding husband and, believe me, she will deceive you; there are no bounds to women; when once they fall — they fall, there's no chaining them up, it's the common lot! Good-morning. Oh! by George, how precious hot it is,' and I ran in from the verandah.

He galloped off in the sun. 'Now that fellow will run his thick head against a stone wall, and get the poor woman into trouble, by Jove, he will,' thought I.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I missed was my watch. It was a gold Barwise, and had belonged to my father; it was worth forty guineas.

'Damn it,' said I, 'I would not lose it for a trifle and the chain was worth twenty.' I never dreamt of suspecting my servants, they were true as steel. I must have left it at Mrs T-'s. By and by a peon came with a written advertisement (in those days when a man wanted to advertise, he wrote his advertisement, engaged a messenger, and sent him round to every resident in the cantonment). I took the paper and read as follows:

Whereas some gentleman, unknown, left a valuable gold watch and chain, maker's inscription,

'Barwise, No. 1,739', at a lady's house, last evening, this is to give notice, that the owner may have the same on applying to Captain M- of HM's — rd Foot. If not claimed within ten days, it will be sold to defray expenses.

I handed it back to Muniah; he hesitated and looked at me. 'Cuah munchta [what do you want]?' said I.

'The sahib's watch is here described,' said he.

'Pooh,' said I, 'take the paper away.' He did so. By and by a bearer brought a dainty little three-cornered note. I opened it and read:

Dearest Boy — I hope you got off all safe. M- was furious, for 'twas he, my friend; he burst open my door also, and behaved like a great brute as he is. I was lying down on the bed, all had been put straight. He swore terribly, and told me I had been untrue to him, that the gardener had told him little S- was with me, and little S- he would find and cut his throat!

I laughed at him, told him he had no right to intrude upon me, that if I had received him as a lover, he was not my husband, and had no right to be jealous of me; that as for me, I would have as many men as I liked, but that I preferred men and not babies like little S-, that little S- had not been there, and the gardener did not know him, and had mistaken somebody else for him; that I would not deny that a gentleman had been there, and one whom I liked much better than him! and that he might go to the devil for aught I cared.

'Oh!' said he, 'I may go to the devil, Clara, may I?'

'Yes! you great bullying beast, as soon as you like! What right have you to interfere with me, and break into my bungalow? I am only sorry my servants are not here that they might throw you into the tank!'

'Very well, madam,' said he, restraining his rage, 'I'll go since 'tis your wish, and I'll take this handsome gold watch and chain with me!'

Then, dear S-, I saw that you had left your watch, and I'm so sorry. Tell me its value, and I'll send you a cheque, you know I've lots of money.

He took one of my husband's rifles and ran down to the jetty. I saw you got off safe, God bless my dear boy! But now! send me a line, and say you are not going to fight. Ah! he will kill you, my own! he is a dead shot.

Write at once to her who loves you more than life.

Your devoted,

CLARA

'Boy,' I cried.

'Sahib!' said Ballaram, advancing.

'The buggy, quick!' (The buggy is a hooded gig, something like a cabriolet.)

'Yes, sir.'

The buggy came to the door. I leapt in and drove rapidly to Captain R-'s quarters; he was a noted duellist, and a capital second; better still, he was a man of honour. I told him the entire story.

'Your advice, R-,' said I, 'what is it?'

'Keep quiet, old fellar, and sacrifice the watch.'

'Can't be done,' said I, 'it was my father's, I would not lose it for a cool hundred.'

'Deuced awkward,' said R-. 'I'd buy it myself at the sale but you must see that whoever undertook to buy it for you would be supposed the owner, and have to stand up at twelve paces before that devil of a shot, M-.'

'I quite see that; but, suppose I go and claim it myself?'

'Of what possible good is even a gold Barwise to a dead man,' said R-.

'Stop a minute, my dear friend,' said I, 'don't arrive at hasty conclusions. Tell me, you are a man of experience; according to the present code of honour, has the challenged man the choice of weapons?'

'Undoubtedly; but everybody fights with pistols nowadays.'

'Pardon me, I don't.'

'No?'

'No! I fight with the rapier.'

'You? why you are a boy, what do you know of the foil?'

'Everything! carte, tierce, volte and demi-volte. I am a pupil of Angelo!'

'You are!'

'Yes, by Jove! and I mean to have my watch!'

'All right,' said R-, coolly, 'come along, we'll go and claim it, but mind, whatever he says, whatever he does, let him give the challenge. He shan't hurt you; he is a big fellow, I know, but I'll protect you; is this your buggy?'

'Yes.'

We jumped in and drove straight to Captain M-'s. A whole lot of fellows were there smoking.

I knew most of them.

'Devilish lucky for you they are here,' whispered R-, aside.

'How are you, M-,' said I.

'How are you?' said he, shortly.

'You have found a watch, I believe?' I asked.

'Yes,' said he.

'Will you let me look at it?'

'Certainly.'

'Ah! thank you, that is mine,' and I flung the chain over my neck, and put the watch in my pocket.

M- gave me a look of concentrated fury. 'Do you know, S-,' said he, 'if these gentlemen were not here I would strangle you!'

'Really!'

'I would, by God!'

'Then you would have been hung for murder.'