Tristan Taormino - The Ultimate Guide to Kink - BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge

Age play is edge play for me. It takes me to wonderfully enlightening places as well as deep, dark ones.

Whatever age I choose to play, a scene can have very different outcomes, but the main thread in age play for me is sex. It can involve an intricacy of domination, incest, rape, and sometimes torture. Age play is edge play for me. It takes me to wonderfully enlightening places as well as deep, dark ones. I allow myself to balance and sometimes fall off the edges—that’s what makes it hot for me. There are people who do nonsexual age play, but this chapter focuses on age play with an erotic component.

There are many ways to figure out what age play may look like for you. I’m a visual person, so creating lists helps me collect and organize my thoughts, clarify my vision for the scene, and figure out logistics. I like to think of it as working in your own laboratory. In the laboratory, you can create any concoction of age play you desire. Think of the choices as chemicals. Making a choice about what you want today does not mean you can’t switch, alter, reconfigure, or change your mind about the whole idea of what age play looks like to you. Don’t worry, you are entitled to change your formula. You are the evil scientist of your desires.

Role

Age

Gender

Sexual orientation

Power dynamic

Relationship and connection

Private or public

Frequency

Props, costumes, scene elements

If you’ve been curious about age play or about how to spice it up with some hot sex, it’s good to step back and start at square one: what was the fantasy or the initial thought? One of the most difficult tasks is sifting through our fantasies and figuring out what we want to make “reality.” Reality in this context is creating the scenario that mirrors what has been living in your brain—making tangible the thing that gets you off. Sometimes we figure out that the fantasy we’ve had for years lives best as only a fantasy. There is nothing wrong with that. Some fantasies we birth and others we carry. We can play with them in our minds or in real life—the choice is yours. I took the plunge and decided once and for all that the fantasy I’d been jerking off to for 10 years was worth acting out. Taking that plunge for you may mean taking baby steps.

A conversation about the topic of erotic age play is a good place to begin with a partner. The goal is to figure out if all parties are at least interested and are not repulsed or triggered by the idea. You can bring up a blog you read or pop a porn scene featuring some kind of age play in the DVD player. Or you can just straight-out ask your partner how age play sounds to them. Gauge your partner’s reaction. Notice your reaction. If all feels right at the moment, move forward. Talk about what turns you on about an age play scenario. Describe how you see yourself in the scenario and why you want to be in it. Answering the “why” is important in that it propels you to create intent and allows the other players to understand their role if they chose to agree to it. For some, this method of asking yourself who and why is essential; for others, the need just is—there is no need to analyze the desire. Some are drawn to age play but are not sure where to start.

Take it slow at first. Try a 15-minute session rather than a two-hour session. Check in with each other afterward. Did it feel good? Did it feel weird? Are you willing to try it again or put it back in your brain vault? Weather you never delve into that fantasy again or you move forward with it, it’s totally okay. You took the plunge, landed on your feet, and now you know. Unfortunately, some of us may not land so gracefully. There is nothing wrong with you. Our journeys take us to different destinations.

When you fantasize about age play, what age are you? Does it shift? Is it always the same? Age play can be regressive or progressive. The more common type of age play involves at least one partner regressing in age; progressing to an older age is less common. I have been a newborn and I’ve been 80 years old.

Regressing to a younger age can be about a longing to relive or recreate childhood experiences. Are you a baby? All babies are preverbal, helpless, and dependent on a parent or caregiver for everything. Are you a good baby or a naughty one? Maybe you’re a kid. Kids can talk and do some things for themselves, but they are still dependent on adults; they often express their thoughts without worrying about what people think. Kids have unique personalities: they can be shy, tantrum-throwing, naive, eager to please, or bratty. Perhaps you’d like to be a teenager, somewhat independent yet still not a grown-up. Are you curious about sex, rebellious, a teacher’s pet? Think about what you want to get out of this role play and what age range is most appealing to you.

In age progression, you can progress to as little as a few years older than your actual age or all the way up to senior status. I suspect that age progression, also known as elder play or geriatric play, is not considered as fantastical as regressing to your youth. The age process creates fear in most people and may limit how your play is acted out or evolves. Age progression may be too close to the reality of growing up, growing old, or being ill. Regression eliminates impending reality, sparks memory, and allows room for mistakes, or it is just plain fun. I would argue, though, that elder play can be just as naughty, taboo, and creative as a youthful tryst. Progressive age play can be anything from a candy striper in a nursing home blowing an elderly gentleman to Grandpa making his granddaughter sit on his lap as he feels under her dress, or—my personal favorite—a senior patient getting a special sponge bath from the hot young nurse.

So, you are thinking that if you identify as a female, your role-play alter egos have to be female, too? Absolutely not. Do you want to be a little girl, an adult male, a gender-transitioning youth, a gender-nonconforming person, or an androgynous teen? Your physical body does not have to match the gender you want to role-play. You can have a penis and be a woman, have breasts and be a boy—you decide. I identify as a trans genderqueer person. In my play, I have been a seven-year-old girl seductress, a 20-year-old sexually assaultive jock, a dirty old man who is 80, a 30-year-old incestuous Daddi, and a feminine, sexually inappropriate boy who is 10.

The same goes for sexual orientation or behavior. You may have been born male and identify as such but in play you could be a lesbian or simply a woman who gets fucked by other women. You can also be a little girl who likes little boys, a teenage boy coming of age with other teenage boys, or a dirty mother who fucks her son and daughter. Remember, this is play and you and your partners can navigate it anyway you want. You can be queer, lesbian, heterosexual, bisexual, gay, asexual, fluid, or pansexual.

It doesn’t matter how old you are in the role play—you can still decide whether you are a top, bottom, or switch in the scenario. For example, my seven-year-old girl seductress waited until Daddy was asleep, then crawled into bed with him and sucked him off. When he realized what was happening and wanted to stop it, I threatened to tell. Age does not dictate the power you have in your role play. Your great-uncle on his deathbed could be the top in your role play scenario. He can determine that when he passes on, you get all of his inheritance—but for a detailed sexual price. You could have a student who holds all the cards when she reveals to you she has sexually incriminating evidence of your raunchy sex life. She’ll keep her mouth shut for a passing grade and a good fuck. The bad guys can be the tops in a child abduction, rape, and torture scenario. The babysitter can be the top when she spanks the youngsters she’s babysitting for wetting the bed. It’s all up to you. Have fun with it.