Anonymous - Confessions of an Author

No, I preferred to be vulgar and indecent in words only, since this is very fashionable and expected from a modern man who is also a well-known literary person. Once my bride hinted that she did not understand that a man like me, especially during the opportunities we had together, remained 30 incredibly respectable as only a true Philistine could. “No, my child,” I told her, “I am a true connoisseur, and I refuse to enjoy my delights by bits and pieces. T take my pleasure all at once, I want to exhaust it completely and, if necessary, I will be destroyed by it.”

She cast her eyes down and asked shyly, a blush covering her face, “Have you never … found pleasure?”

“I have never been married,” I answered, and added more honestly, “I am waiting for happiness.” She rested her head on my shoulder and did not say a word. I waited, because I assumed that she was going to say something, something important. But she remained silent and, after awhile, started to chatter about other things.

A few weeks later she was my wife. To betray her during the engagement period would have been vulgar, to say the least. I did not even have any desire to do so. I had achieved a certain state of expectation which really made me feel very good. I wanted to remain chaste for this special one, who was going to become the center of my life and who existed for no one else but me.

After the wedding ceremonies we took the train. I felt terribly festive and kept telling myself that my life finally had been given a purpose. At nightfall we had arrived at a station which appealed to me. When we arrived at our hotel, I passionately embraced my beautiful young bride.

Silently I held her in my arms and finally my lips sought hers. “She is mine, she is mine,” inner voices jubilantly sang. It was not just a brutal feeling of lord and master; no, it was the exalted experience of a free spirit knowing that the merger of two was necessary to become one again. I knelt in front of her and asked her softly, “Do you want to give yourself entirely?”

She laughed. “Aren't we man and wife?”

“Not yet.”

She bent over me and said, whisperingly, “But please, be careful, don't make me pregnant right away. Do you really want children at all?”

I heard, but unfortunately did not listen. The shyness of the girl and her desire not to cut the period of happiness short with an unwanted pregnancy. The desire for possession had been awakened in me. The lust for one who had never before been possessed and who had saved her virginity for me.

I sat down and pulled my wife upon my lap. I started, as tenderly as possible, to unfasten her dress. I felt positively giddy when I exposed her well-formed, marble-white breasts and lovingly gazed upon the firm round globes. I kissed them and her shoulders and then I proceeded to unfasten her other garments. I carefully explored all the forms of this beautiful girl's body which soon was to be all mine. She resisted a little bit when I proceeded to take off the last obstacle but then she stood before me, a beautiful Eve as no painter would ever be capable of portraying, in the middle of the room, under the chandelier, the epitome of womanhood.

I kissed and kissed. Then I turned off the light and undressed. I embraced her and our glowing bodies pressed together. “Are you going to hurt me very much?” she whispered anxiously. I carried her to the bed and started to caress her slowly. A shiver went through her body. “I am afraid,” she said fearfully.

I took her firm breasts in my hands, rolled one nipple between my fingers and licked, nibbled and then sucked the other one. My tongue trailed a path along her belly, her sex and her thighs. Then I tried to break down her resistance. At first quietly and insistently and finally with a little bit more force.

I asked her, trying to tone down my excitement, “Do you think I am a brute, don't you want me?”

I noticed that she hesitatingly opened her thighs a little. Suddenly I threw myself upon her. I heard her cry out … it had happened. I took her, kissing her wildly and embracing her passionately. When I had sacrificed for the first time, I heard her groan and cry. I blanched. “It hurts so much,” she complained. I kissed her tenderly, but when I wanted to mount her again she begged-me not to do it. I shrank back and tried to remain calm. Oh, yes, she knew how to hurt me.

A little while later I felt her hand. “Are you mad at me? But please, it hurts so much!” And when I did not answer her, she crawled over to my side and kissed me. First my mouth, then my chest, my belly … she reached for my member and took it in her hands. “It's far too big for me.,” That sounded so horribly sobering. I gave her a quick kiss and said, “Go to sleep, my child.” She pulled away from me and soon. I heard' her regular breathing. She was sound asleep.

I intended to be very considerate. This young creature had to-get used to many things that I took for granted. We continued our trip that same day. All day she was very sweet and demure but when we were finally together in the suite of our hotel in Trieste, she snuggled up to me, took my head in her hands and said,

“Dear heart, we are modern people and we should be able to talk things out quite openly. And after all, since last night we are truly husband and wife.” She looked me square in the face, “And really, we should hold nothing back from each other. So, you see …” Now she hesitated slightly. I did not insist and waited. Finally she went on, ”… I've read a book, I think it was French … no, I'm sure it was … please, turn off the light.”

I turned off the light and when I had found my way back in the darkness to where we had been sitting, I grabbed something naked. I pressed my face against her thrusting breasts and hardening nipples and felt her hand steal down toward my groin. “Wait, I'll take everything off, and you undress, too. Yes?” She seemed to be very excited. Now we were nude. “Can you find your way to the bed, or at least to the night-light?”

I stumbled my way to the bed while she held onto me. I turned on the lamp on the night-stand, then I lifted up my young wife and lifted her into the bed. She held her arms tightly around my neck and pulled me with her. I covered her beautiful body with kisses. I lingered when I had reached her sex and pressed many kisses there to excite her even further. I pulled the lips with my fingers and stuck my tongue into the opening as deep as I could.

“Oh yes … fine … ooh, you … how … fine!”

It excited me tremendously. I licked and licked and the more I licked the more her beautiful body quivered with voluptuous pleasure. She bucked, she turned and thrashed and started to groan with carnal delight. Suddenly I felt her hands on my head. She caressed my cheeks, my ears and ruffled my hair. “Oh, sweetheart,” she exclaimed, “that's what I meant, and you can't get pregnant that way either … that's what I read in that French book.” She leaned upon one elbow, and kissed me. “I want to do the same thing to you, but how do I do it? You lick me and I lick you … oh, isn't that wonderful?”

She took my rigid member and pressed it, suddenly she planted a kiss upon it. “When you can lick me, I can lick you,” she exclaimed, happily laughing. I was so overexcited that I had no will of my own and I sank on my back. She licked and licked and licked and did not stop even when my seed was spilling. But now I had become incredibly horny.

She kissed me passionately with moist lips.

Then she asked, “Can't we do it at the same time you do me, I do you?” and she spread her thighs apart. I showed her how. I mounted her the wrong way, my face in her sex and my member turned toward her face. At first we licked mutually but soon she left my member alone and enjoyed herself alone. Only when she felt that I had satisfied her did she take it back against her lips, licking, occasionally nibbling with her teeth. After this second licking I was exhausted. But she wanted more. That night my misery had started.