Li Yu - The Carnal Prayer Mat

"If this works out, I will owe my life and property to you gentlemen. I would never do anything so two-faced."

"Quan is an honest man," said the experienced neighbor. "He'd never do such a thing, you can set your minds at rest."

They consulted and chose someone known for his diplomatic skills to go and negotiate with the Knave the next day.

Meanwhile, ever since parting from Fragrance, Vesperus had been suffering from lovesickness. In his desperate state he was counting on the Knave's magical powers to reunite him with Fragrance.

"If you want her abducted," said the Knave, "that's no trouble. The only problem is that you won't be able to go on living here afterward. If you wish to be husband and wife, you'll have to take her to the ends of the earth, somewhere you can't be traced, and settle down there. Are you prepared to do that? It's a question you'll have to decide before I can take any action."

Because of the two other summa beauties whom he had yet to seduce, Vesperus was reluctant to leave the area. At first he could not make up his mind, but then, seeing how outspoken Fragrance was in her letter, he felt in honor bound to agree.

"I'll never be able to drop out of sight unless I move a long way off. Of course I'm ready to leave."

"In that case it will be simple," said the Knave, "except for one thing. Abducting a man's wife is a far more serious crime than stealing his money. Money is all a matter of chance anyway; if you lose it today, you can always earn some more tomorrow. But if a man's primary wife is abducted, the loss will be too much for him. Moreover, Honest Quan is poor. If he loses this wife, how will he ever be able to afford another one? A man's life is at risk if you push him too far. We need to think of some form of consolation for the victim. We should bring a hundred or more taels with us when we abduct his wife and leave them in his house, as if to suggest that he take them and buy himself another wife. If we deprive him of one wife but enable him to get another, it may not help our moral credit at all, but at least I'll have been true to myself as a hero."

"That would be the perfect plan, except that I'm embarrassingly short of money and there's nowhere I can get any. I'd have to trouble you for it, as a friend, and that is something I'd feel very uncomfortable about."

"Where my money's concerned, it's easy come, easy go," said the Knave. "If I begrudged you the money, do you think I'd have dared to speak up so boldly? Just leave the expenses to me. Write to her and say that I'll go and get her whenever she wishes, so long as Quan isn't at home; tell her there's nothing for her to worry about."

Vesperus was in high spirits as he hastily ground up the ink. Because her letter had been simply written, he replied in the same simple language, to save her trouble in interpreting it. The letter ran,

To Mistress Fragrance:

The two months since we parted seem like decades. Your heart and other organs have wasted half away, while mine have swollen to the same extent. Otherwise why would they block my throat so that I cannot swallow a morsel of food? I have been pleading all this while with the Knave to help us, but he was afraid that you were not fully committed and did not dare embark on it lightly. However, when he saw your letter to me, he realized that your love was as firm as iron or stone and he now undertakes to try his best. To do as Red Whisk did would be far too dangerous; with him helping us, it would be better just to emulate the Girl in Red. It is hard to predict when our tryst will occur, but the day your warden leaves home will be the same day Chang'e flees to the moon. [61]Send us the glad tidings as soon as you know, so that we can take action. If I prove faithless, whether I am pigmeat or dogmeat, your honorable mouth will not need to bite me, for there will be crows and curs aplenty to drag me off and devour me. I shall say no more.

Respectfully,

As a precaution I shall not sign my name.

After delivering the letter to Fragrance, the Knave took out a hundred and twenty taels and packed them up in readiness. But while he and Vesperus waited anxiously for news, Quan never left the house. Then one day, to the Knave's surprise, one of Quan's neighbors appeared and, after exchanging a few casual remarks, came to the point.

"Honest Quan's business has been losing money and he can't make ends meet. As a result he is unable to keep his wife and proposes to sell her. It occurred to me that other people either had no money at all or else hadn't enough to keep her, whereas you, with your great generosity in helping others, might come to the rescue. So I'm here to beg you to do a good deed that would not only save this woman from starvation but that would also provide Honest Quan with some bride money as capital. You would be doing a great service to two people."

The Knave was perplexed. What an extraordinary thing! Here was I, just about to go off and see to him, when he sends someone over with an offer to sell her, as if he knew what I had in mind. He may have heard that I was acting for someone and, thinking he could not escape my trap, he may have decided to take this way out. Since he has done so, I'd better buy her openly rather than covertly. Why take the money along and then abduct her?

"Why on earth would he want to sell his wife?" he asked the neighbor.

"He's been driven to it by poverty, nothing else."

"In that case is the wife willing to leave him for someone else?"

"She can't stand the misery at home and is eager to get away. There's no question of her willingness."

"What would the price be?"

"He intended to ask for two hundred, but you don't need to stick to that. As long as he gets a bit over half, I daresay he'd be satisfied."

"In that case let's make it a hundred and twenty."

Having obtained the Knave's consent, the neighbor asked him to weigh out the money while he sent for Quan to come and close the deal.

The Knave's first idea had been to name Vesperus as principal and the neighbor and himself as intermediaries, but he thought better of it. It's a risky business taking another man's wife, he reflected. My reputation is sufficient to deter anyone from hauling me into court, but if I let him give his name, he'll be in trouble at once. So he said nothing about Vesperus, and he made out he was taking Fragrance as his own concubine.

Quan arrived and a marriage certificate was drawn up, to which he affixed his thumbprint. The neighbor also made his mark and passed the paper to the Knave, who handed over a packet of silver in the amount promised plus another ten taels as broker's fee for the neighbor.

That same day, still without letting Vesperus know, the Knave hired a sedan chair and fetched Fragrance. Only after he had found a house, furnished it, and engaged a maid for her, did he arrange the wedding and see the couple to their bridal chamber-behavior unsurpassed even by Bao Shuya with his loyal friendship or Curlybeard with his gallantry. [62]The only pity is that the Knave answered the wrong question in the examination and cannot qualify as a true hero. If he had applied his loyalty to the case of a worthy friend and his gallantry in a real emergency, he would have been entitled not only to rank as a hero among robbers but also to feel superior to the official classes.

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