‘Oh dear,’ she said, looking at me. Tiger wasn’t known for sugar-coating anything.
‘Look, they’re filling the van, and by the end of today they’ll all be gone,’ I said, wanting to yowl with pain.
‘I know and I am sorry, Alfie, it’s really tough. Oh boy, I don’t know what to say. Look, I know you and Snowball have already said goodbye but don’t you want to see her one last time?’
‘Tiger, every day since we heard the news it’s as if we’ve been waiting to say goodbye and it’s been horrible. I would rather be chased by a dog and get stuck up a tree than go through this again. Besides, we said goodbye properly yesterday. I promised her I’d stay indoors today — but I couldn’t.’
‘Look, come on, I’ll take you to the park and we can chase birds, or tease dogs, it’s your choice.’ She patted me with her paw.‘I promise I won’t let you get stuck up a tree.’ I knew she was trying to cheer me up but I couldn’t feel anything but gloom at the idea of never seeing Snowball again.
‘OK, but I can’t promise I’ll be good company. In fact, I know I’ll be terrible company.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m used to that,’ Tiger said, but she gave me an affectionate look at the same time.
I tried to take my mind off Snowball, and goodness knows Tiger did all she could, but it was still too raw. Tiger tried everything to cheer me up: finding butterflies for me to chase, telling me how Nellie tripped on something — she’s a bit clumsy — and landed on Rocky, which apparently was funny if you were there. She even tried to involve me in the mystery of the pictures on the lamppost, but I couldn’t muster up enthusiasm for anything.
I felt as if I would never be happy again, but I was clinging onto the hope that one day I would start to feel better. I knew I would eventually; I had been through enough in my life to know that although heartbreak never fully went away, it did fade — you just had to give it time. I was quite wise, having accumulated much life experience during my eight cat years. I would never stop loving Snowball or missing her, but the way I was feeling right now would get easier. The pain of losing someone you loved never totally disappeared, but you did get used to living with it. That was how I saw it.
‘I’m sorry, Tiger. I’m so miserable. I’m just not great company,’ I said as I lay down by my favourite flowerbed. A leaf flopped on my head and I brushed it away listlessly.
‘It’s fine, I understand. Remember when Tom went away?’ Tom was a grumpy cat who used to live on our street. He was sort of Tiger’s boyfriend, although she never seemed to like him that much. His owner had died and we had all rallied around trying to figure out where he could live, but a relative took Tom to live with them and he was happy to go. Tiger had been a bit sad but then she didn’t exactly love Tom the way I loved Snowball, although for a few days she had been like a cat with a sore head.
‘Yeah, you were really scratchy,’ I said.
‘OK, yeah, so you’re miserable and I was scratchy but the principle is the same. We’re friends, and friends stick together no matter what — even when they’re not the best company. So if you want to wallow or sulk or cry or even be angry, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, Alfie, I’ll always be here for you.’
‘Tiger, you’re such a good friend and I really appreciate you. I hope you know that.’
‘Well, good, and luckily for you I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Please don’t, I couldn’t bear to lose you as well.’ And then I crumpled. To preserve what little dignity I had left, I shuffled fully under the nearest bush and then I yowled. I could feel the pain in every sound that escaped my mouth. Finally, when I was exhausted and could make no more noise, I emerged, tired and feeling as if I had lost something of myself. Tiger, who had been waiting patiently, put her paw on mine.
‘Come on, Alfie, I’ll take you home,’ she said.
The van had left by the time we got back to my house and so had the Snells’ car. They had gone. Tiger walked me to the back door and bade me farewell at the cat flap. I went through it, although even that felt like a major effort. I padded sadly to the kitchen. Claire, Jonathan and Summer and Polly, Matt and their children — Henry and Martha — were all there. They looked at me and I saw the sympathy in their eyes. Well, not the children — they just played on the floor, oblivious to my pain. I noticed that my favourite food, pilchards, sat in my bowl, but I had no appetite.
‘Alfie,’ Claire said. I just looked at each of them, sadly, and walked out, ignoring the food and going upstairs to my bed on the landing. I curled up in it and begged for sleep to come.
I sat on the sofa, listlessly watching the sun stream through the window. It had been a week since Snowball left, and the longing I felt, just to see her, speak to her, hear her voice, was all consuming. I had barely been out; I didn’t even want to see my friends. I just wanted to be alone with my poor, aching heart. Even Summer’s lovely smile had been unable to cheer me up, although I did put on a brave face for her, letting her cuddle me and even pull my tail, although that took all the energy I had.
This evening, my Polish family — Franceska, big Tomasz, Aleksy and little Tomasz — were all coming over in yet another effort to cheer me up. It was Claire’s idea. I wanted to try to be more like my old self, if only for my humans’ sakes, as they were being so kind and trying so hard, but I was oh so tired. It was like I had an illness of the heart.
‘Alfie?’ Jonathan sat down next to me, interrupting my thoughts. I nudged my head lethargically against his arm. It was the most I could offer.
‘Right, Alfie,’ he said. He was wearing his work clothes, the smart ones he normally kept away from me in case a bit of my fur snuck onto them, and he had a beer in his hand. This must be serious if he was risking his best clothes, I thought, and I couldn’t resist rubbing my head against his suit sleeve. I might be a bit down in the dumps but still … Especially as he didn’t even tell me off! He took a sip of his beer and then, looking solemn, he put it down on the coffee table.
‘I know that this sucks,’ he said, looking slightly embarrassed.‘We were very sad that Snowball had to go — we knew how close you two had become. But it’s human stuff. Jobs, houses, schools, it all added up to the Snells having to move away, and unfortunately you’re a casualty of that.’ He paused to lean forwards and take another sip of beer. I looked at him; I had no idea where this was going.‘The thing is that women, well, we love them and we lose them sometimes — but then you might find someone like I found Claire.’ He beamed as if he had solved all my problems.
‘Miaow.’ He found Claire, really? I think he’ll find I handed her to him on a plate! I rolled my eyes, as I thought back to my careful matchmaking when I first arrived on Edgar Road.
‘Claire is wonderful, and I love her deeply. She may have her moments, but when I think about some of the women I have been with … Goodness, I still shudder to remember them.’
No, I still had no idea where this was going.
‘So, anyway, the thing is, you need to dust yourself off and get back out there. You know, back in the game. Stalking alleyways for new cats the way we go to bars.’
Was he for real? Was he telling me to go down an alleyway?
‘You see,’ Jonathan continued. ‘The best way to get over heartbreak is to put yourself out there, even if it’s just for a bit of fun. Oh yes, the rebound is actually quite healthy, and you must have ways of meeting cat ladies. That Tiger down the road is pretty cute for a stripy cat. Anyway, it’s like they say, you need to get back on the horse.’
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