Рейчел Уэллс: Alfie And George

‘Hiss,’ he said.

‘Hello.’ I kept it friendly. He was much bigger than me after all. That said, I liked to pride myself on staying trim and taking care of my appearance, and the same certainly couldn’t be said for this cat.

‘Who are you?’ he asked.

‘I’m Alfie and this is Snowball. We’re on holiday with our families.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, cats don’t go on holiday.’ He grimaced, showing quite sharp teeth, and for a moment I wasn’t sure if he was going to attack. I tried to keep calm, my ears moving sideways with nerves and my tail swaying. I wasn’t an aggressive cat but I did have my girlfriend to protect.

‘I know it’s quite strange, but honestly we are,’ Snowball replied, stepping forwards. The tabby took one look at her blue eyes and white fur and immediately preened himself, sitting up straighter and waving his tail in a friendly gesture. A bit too friendly, if you ask me.

‘How are you doing?’ he asked, grinning. ‘Let me introduce myself. I’m Roddy and I’m a local resident. I’m sorry if you think me rude but, well, I’m not used to visiting cats.’ He blinked at Snowball, which is our equivalent of blowing kisses. Just who did this Roddy think he was?

‘We live in London,’ I replied haughtily. Anyone who thinks that cats don’t flirt should have seen him as he stretched out his paws and wrapped his tail neatly round his body. I decided he was too big and scruffy to be considered good-looking, which was a relief. I, with my blue-grey fur and svelte figure, was often complimented on my handsomeness. In any case, I was pretty secure in my looks and I knew Snowball was loyal, so I tried to relax a bit.

‘London, you say? Well I don’t know anything about that.’ He was looking directly at Snowball.

‘The thing is,’ Snowball said, a little bit too flirtatiously, ‘we’re a little lost. We tried to shelter from the rain and ended up trapped in a barn with some rather unfriendly pigs and now we don’t know how to get back to the holiday house.’ She tilted her head, and I saw that already Roddy was smitten.

‘Where are you staying?’ he asked, puffing his chest out. ‘I’m a bit of an expert on these parts.’

‘A big house,’ I replied, not exactly enjoying this exchange, though I acknowledged he was probably our best hope.

‘That narrows it down,’ he said sarcastically.

‘Well Roddy,’ purred Snowball, stretching out her paws, ‘it’s near the farm, we have hens on the edge of the garden and there’s a field of cows directly in front of us.’

‘Ah, I know where you mean. Right, city cats, follow me and I’ll have you home in no time.’

Despite us getting a bit wet and being a little bit stressed from our adventure, Roddy got us home safely, and although I was still a bit annoyed at his flirting with my girlfriend, I thanked him graciously. I was relieved. As we left him at the door, he was still marvelling at how odd it was for cats to go on holiday.

The fire wasn’t lit as the house was empty, but it was warm as we lay down in front of it to dry off. I decided that, as our romantic trip had been my idea, I would be magnanimous.

‘I’m sorry that our day went a bit wrong,’ I said, nuzzling into Snowball’s neck.

‘And I’m sorry I snapped. I was just scared. But you took care of me, like always,’ she said, returning the nuzzle.

‘Well, it was Roddy who saved us,’ I pointed out.

‘Maybe, but you’re my hero, not him,’ she said, and I couldn’t have felt happier.

The door opened and our families, dripping wet, walked into the living room.

‘Let’s light the fire and get ourselves out of these wet clothes before we catch pneumonia,’ Karen said.

‘Look at those two, just relaxing by the warm hearth while we nearly drowned on the beach,’ Jonathan said, getting the kindling into the grate. With our eyes half closed, Snowball and I grinned at each other. How little they knew.

‘Hope it hasn’t been too boring for you two,’ Jonathan said, as everyone breakfasted together on our last full day of the holiday.

‘Nah,’ Christopher replied.‘It’s been good.’ He looked a bit sheepish, but then he was a teenage boy and apparently they are all somewhat monosyllabic.

‘I’ve enjoyed doing nothing,’ Daisy answered.‘If it all goes to plan I’ll be busy with work when we get back.’

‘According to Polly, you’re going to be the next Kate Moss,’ Claire said.

‘If I could be just a fraction as successful as she is, I’ll be overjoyed,’ Daisy laughed. She didn’t realise how stunning she really was, I thought — a bit like Snowball. Although Snowball had been aloof when I first met her, it wasn’t because she thought she was a beauty, and even now she was still unaware of the effect she had on other cats and people. Like Roddy, most male cats started drooling like dogs when they first saw her. Myself included, I have to admit.

‘So what shall we do today?’ Karen asked as she buttered another piece of toast.

‘How about we hang out here, maybe go for a walk, and then have lunch at home?’ Tim suggested.

‘Sounds nice,’ Claire said, trying and failing to spoon cereal into Summer’s closed mouth.

‘TOAST,’ Summer shouted. Claire looked exasperated but Jonathan laughed indulgently.

‘I wish she could learn to say fruit or porridge at least,’ Claire said.

‘My girl knows her own mind,’ Jonathan replied.‘Chip off the old block.’ Claire swiped at him with her arm.

‘God, then I’m in trouble,’ she joked.

‘I’m going to do some computer stuff,’ Christopher said, looking bashful. He was turning out to be quite a chip off his old block himself, if that means what I think it does. He was following in his father’s footsteps by being a computer genius, or something along those lines.

‘Hey, Claire, I know you’ve got that book you keep trying to read, so I’ll take Summer out round the farm this morning. She loves the animals and you can stick your head in your novel,’ Jonathan said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

‘My God, now I remember why I married you.’

‘I’ll come with you, Jon,’ Karen said, and Tim nodded.

I looked at Snowball. It would be just the two of us again; maybe we could go for a romantic meander in the garden. After our adventure on the farm the other day we had stayed close to the holiday house, and I wasn’t sure that it would be a good idea to explore.

For a while, Snowball and I stayed in the garden, close to where Claire sat in a lawn chair, reading. Chris was inside, Daisy had gone for a run, and the others had gone for a walk. As the morning drew on we decided to visit the hens. We nodded at them in greeting — I was no longer afraid — and they wobbled their heads in response. I knew they weren’t scary now. Being in the country was an education about other animals, ones we didn’t really get in London.

‘All right, city cats,’ said Roddy, suddenly appearing from behind the hen enclosure.

‘Hey, Roddy,’ said Snowball.

‘We need to thank you again for the other day,’ I said, remembering my manners.

‘You’re welcome. Anyway what are you guys up to?’ Roddy asked.

‘It’s our last day here, we leave tomorrow,’ I explained, feeling relaxed and friendly. I definitely found the country enjoyable, though I missed many things about London, like my friends, especially Tiger, and my other families. I also missed the hustle and bustle, the constant noise. At night here, it was eerily quiet, but back home I could hear cars, voices and the odd siren. Silence took a bit of getting used to.