Рейчел Уэллс: Alfie And George

The humans were going to the beach for the day. They had packed up lots of food, fussed a lot, and made it seem as if they were going for days rather than a few hours. Finally though they left the house, and Snowball and I were alone. I wanted to have a lovely day with her, and that meant being brave, bold and taking a risk. This cat was ready to do just that. I wanted to put a smile on Snowball’s face and for us have a day we would both remember. Of course, I wasn’t sure where the day would take us. When we went out the other day, we hadn’t ventured too far. We still didn’t know the area but I figured if we headed towards the big farm there would be lots of fun to be had. I outlined my plan to Snowball. We would leave the garden — hopefully avoiding the giant cows — and explore the luscious green fields that led to the big hill. Once at the top of the hill we would admire the views that our families had been talking about. I thought if we just headed off in one direction we would be fine, there would be no way we’d get lost. In fact, I was quite excited and feeling adventurous.

‘I love it, Alfie. Although I thought you were still worried about the cows and getting lost?’

‘Not me,’ I replied, with more bravado than I felt. I just hoped those cows would keep away.

When our families had finally piled themselves into their cars and driven off, Snowball and I finished our ablutions and got ready for our own adventure. My legs were almost trembling with excitement; I just knew we were going to have the best day ever.

We headed towards the farm, greeting the hens as if we were old friends. They wobbled their heads and clucked but weren’t very interested in us. I don’t know why I was ever scared of them: they were quite sweet really. We watched them for a bit before heading off. Before too long we came across a field with incredibly long, green grass. It was even taller than us. We made our way into it, and at one point I couldn’t see Snowball at all.

‘Yowl!’ She jumped out at me and I almost fell over.

‘Yeah, nice one, this is meant to be romantic — not scary,’ I pointed out, smoothing my fur.

‘Sorry, Alfie, I couldn’t resist. This grass is the longest I’ve ever seen. It’s so much fun! Come on, let’s go.’ She started running and I joined her. We ran through the grass, letting it tickle our fur, until we emerged on the other side of the field. I felt invigorated as we looked around, deciding where to head next.

‘Let’s avoid that way. Remember those sheep? I really think that one wanted to kidnap me,’ Snowball said, looking a bit worried.

‘As if I would ever let them do that,’ I replied, with a raise of my whiskers.

‘Alfie, would you ever want to live in the country?’ Snowball asked as we trekked through another field.

‘I don’t know. I mean … it’s very nice. But it’s quiet. And all these animals … I’m not sure it’s for me, to be honest. I’m a Londoner through and through.’

‘When we lived in our old house, it was a bit like the country, but not as much as this — it was far more built up. I think it was a nice compromise.’

‘I know you miss your old home, Snowball,’ I said, trying to be understanding and not feel hurt. You see, I didn’t like to think of Snowball before me. It sounds silly but I felt jealous that she had a life that didn’t have me in it.

‘I do a bit, but I would never want to go back, not without you, Alfie.’ I felt my heart melt as I looked into her beautiful eyes.

A big black cloud loomed, interrupting our moment.

‘Oh no,’ I said, as I felt a drop of rain land on my nose. It seemed to have come from nowhere. Just a minute ago we had been enjoying the sun on our fur.

‘We might have to make a run for it,’ Snowball shouted, as rain started to patter all around us; neither of us liked getting wet. As Snowball bounded off I followed her, not thinking about where she was going. After a bit of a run we came across a building and hurried inside. There was straw on the floor; it was a bit scratchy, but at least we were dry.

‘Thank goodness, Alfie,’ Snowball said. ‘It’s a proper rain shower out there.’

‘But what is this place?’ I asked.

‘Some kind of barn.’

‘Oink.’ We both looked up to see a group of fat, pink pigs moving towards us. They shuffled and snorted and didn’t look very friendly. Five of them descended, all pink skin and rounded bellies. Although they didn’t move quickly, as they banded together I could see we were in trouble.

‘Oh dear,’ I said, as Snowball and I backed away, until we were huddled in the corner of the barn.

‘Pigs seem very mean,’ Snowball said, not reassuringly at all. ‘I’ve never been this close to any but I’ve heard all sorts about them. Apparently they eat anything and everything.’

‘Which could include us …’ We were literally backed into a corner. They were coming closer, heads shaking a little, feet stomping beneath their immense weight. They looked at us with hungry eyes. Snowball cowered behind me. We were going to be pigswill at this rate. I had to get us out of this mess. After all, I was the tom here. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down even though the animals were almost upon us.

‘OK, they aren’t as big as cows. How about we run through their legs?’ I suggested. Although I was terrified, I couldn’t see another way out.

‘We could try, but look at those feet, the weight they carry. I wouldn’t want to get trampled under them.’ Snowball shivered. We were both cold and scared. This romantic day wasn’t turning out quite how I had expected.

‘I know,’ I said, ‘but look, we have no option — they look like they want to eat us!’ I tried to be the man of the relationship — the pigs were only inches away from us. I had to act, so I sort of pushed Snowball a bit and then darted between the legs of the nearest pig, looking behind to check she was following.‘Come on, Snowy, it’ll be fine,’ I encouraged, as one of the pigs gave an angry snort.

Snowball didn’t hang around; she ran for it and joined me. The pigs looked a bit confused but luckily their bulk slowed them down as they tried to come after us. We were far quicker and after a couple more pig-dodges we emerged triumphant, relieved, and thankful to be safe. The rain had eased off and was now more of a drizzle.

‘Shall we risk going back home in this?’ I asked.

‘Best do, I don’t fancy my chances with those pigs.’

‘You’ve been so calm around the farm animals so far,’ I pointed out. Snowball looked even more terrified than I felt.

‘I know, but pigs … As I said, I don’t have much experience of them, but I’ve heard things.’ Her eyes shone with fear.

‘They did look as if they’d be happy to eat us both.’ I looked around so we could start our journey home and my heart sank yet again.‘Snowball?’

‘Yes, Alfie?’ She was trying to clean some straw from her fur.

‘Which way is home?’ I asked. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. I stared glumly back at her. I had no idea where we were.

‘Oh no, we were in such a rush to get out of the rain, I didn’t even notice which direction we were going,’ she cried.

Could this day get any worse? I looked around again but all I could see were fields. Fields in all directions — and they all looked the same. We were well and truly lost.

As we discussed what to do next, I led us to a nearby hedge so at least we could shelter from the rain while we argued.

‘I think we just head off and hope for the best,’ I said.

‘Great, Alfie, you always have a smart plan and now you’re saying that we just head off with no idea where we’re going,’ Snowball snapped. I knew she was cross but I felt that was unfair. It wasn’t just my fault we were lost after all. I was nestling further into the hedge when something — or rather someone — stopped me, and I found myself nose to nose with a rather large, shabby tabby.