Рейчел Уэллс - Alfie And George

And then one morning George had noticed that Claire was eating smoked salmon for breakfast, so while her back was turned he jumped onto the table and actually ate from her plate. Jonathan found this funny but Claire, who was a bit keen on everything being clean and not having cats on the table while they were eating, didn’t. This time she was cross; she put George on the floor and gave him a long lecture on hygiene, which I know he didn’t listen to, because I got bored halfway through and he had an even shorter attention span than me. After that I had taken him to Matt and Polly’s so we could lie low for a bit.

Matt had been getting ready to go to a meeting with his potential new employer. They would be discussing something called ‘terms’ and he was stressed because he still hadn’t really discussed it with Polly yet. He kept putting it off because he wasn’t sure how they would cope with both of them working or something. As he blustered on, in quite an unlike Matt kind of way, George, who was growing and as a result was going through a clumsy phase, got under Matt’s feet, causing him to trip up and bash his elbow. As a result he became even more flustered. I had decided to take George to the park in the end, hopeful that no trouble would follow us. Thankfully it didn’t.

Later that day I had found George scaling the curtains in the spare room, gleeful about discovering that he could climb them. However, he got almost to the top and then realised he didn’t know how to let go. He had started to panic and I had to coax him down. It took a lot of time and effort, his claws were stuck firmly into the material, and when he was finally persuaded to let go — one paw at a time — I noticed he had made quite a few little rips. I hoped no one would notice and I told George that we should give the spare room a wide berth for a bit, just in case.

And this morning, George had knocked a cereal box off the kitchen counter, pouring the contents all over the floor. He had then climbed into the empty box and started running around the kitchen. Summer was laughing and Claire was shouting while Jonathan shrieked,‘We should be filming this for YouTube, we’d at least make enough money to buy more cereal out of the blooming kitten.’ Of course it was left to me to get him out of the cereal box. Although he’d been covered in cornflake dust, he was so adorable when he was happy, it was almost impossible for me to be cross with him.

Thankfully, or not, everyone else was too cross with each other to really tell us off. I mean, I know I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I was responsible for George, so I could have been given a bit of a ticking off too — like I had with the tie incident.

With Dustbin working on the lamppost cats, I was focusing on my plan for my families. I decided to go and round up our cat friends to finalise the details for my grand plan. Poor George didn’t really understand, it was a lot for a kitten to take in, even though he was getting bigger, but I remained patient as I explained that he was going to be the most important cat in solving everyone’s problems, which he quite liked the sound of. And every way I had looked at it there was absolutely no danger involved at all. If Tiger wouldn’t let anything happen to me, she absolutely would never let anything happen to our George.

I was just about to start the meeting when a large shadow loomed.

‘What are you up to?’ Salmon asked, approaching us. Oh no, this was the last thing I needed. He couldn’t get wind of any plan; if he did, he might sabotage us.

‘Well,’ George said, before anyone could stop him, ‘I am going to save the whole wide world.’ Bless him, he had interpreted the plan in a slightly different way.

‘What are you talking about?’ Salmon asked, in a kindly way, but I knew he was looking for gossip in that salacious way of his. Tiger gently put her paw over George’s mouth and motioned for him to be quiet.

‘It’s just a game we’re playing, Salmon,’ I said, trying to sound friendly.‘Nothing for you to be concerned about.’

‘You guys are always here, plotting things,’ he spat back. So much for friendliness.

‘Well, that’s not true, most of the time we’re napping, sunbathing and playing with leaves,’ said Rocky.

‘And just hanging out. With friends. You should try it sometime,’ Elvis said.‘If you have any friends, that is.’

‘As if I have time for such frivolities. Honestly, if I was like you then this street would go to wrack and ruin. Well, carry on with your silly game, I have more important matters to attend to.’ He turned and stalked off.

‘What was he talking about and why did you put your paw over my mouth?’ George asked.

‘I’ll teach you about him later,’ I said. ‘But right now we have to finalise our plan. Right, Rocky, you go first.’

As each of my friends gave their ideas, I listened to them all. It seemed they had all thought carefully about it and had done a pretty good job. I beamed with happiness; it was all going to be so straightforward, the easiest of my plans but also the most important.

D-Day was set for tomorrow, Saturday. It had to happen then, because everyone would be home from work. So today was the only day we had to get it right. But I was confident; we were all working together and we had left no stone unturned. I was one hundred per cent sure that nothing could go wrong.

‘My idea,’ Nellie said. I almost didn’t want to hear, she could be a bit silly sometimes. ‘My idea is that you use the shed at the bottom of Tiger’s garden.’

We all looked at her. Our sticking point had been where we could hide George. After all, Tiger couldn’t take him to her house, her humans doted on her but they weren’t keen on other cats. I had been chased out of there a few times and I’m not only charming, but Tiger’s best friend too. But Nellie had come up with a genius idea. Tiger’s shed was quite tatty, and had a gap in the door they could easily slip through. And her humans didn’t use it, ever.

‘That isn’t a bad idea,’ Tiger admitted grudgingly.‘So what do we need? Food, something to keep us warm and comfortable, water, something to play with?’

‘You’re only going to be there for a few hours, not the whole summer,’ Rocky pointed out.

‘But we can get enough food for George, a blanket and yes, he will need a source of water,’ I said.

‘I can sneak him into my house for food and water,’ Tiger said.‘Because how on earth are we supposed to get food and bowls and stuff into the shed?’

‘Good point. So you sneak him in when it’s safe. They always give you too much food anyway, so you’ll have plenty for George.’ It was true, Tiger was totally overfed — she had to exercise a lot to keep the weight off.

‘I’ll drag a blanket down there for you,’ Elvis offered.‘We have loads at home and I am the strongest cat here.’

‘That’s debatable,’ said Tinkerbell. I wasn’t sure which of them was right but I knew I wouldn’t like to fight with either of them.

‘Why don’t you both get the blanket, it’ll be easier with two of you,’ Tiger sensibly suggested. They looked at each other and nodded. I liked how everyone was working together.

‘What about toys? I don’t want George to get bored,’ Tiger said.

‘We can bring some from home,’ I said, although I wasn’t sure how we would carry them. ‘Right, we need to get this settled because we’re going to do this tomorrow.’ My voice shook with nerves.

‘Alfie, it’s fine, we have planned this brilliantly, what on earth could go wrong?’ Nellie asked.

I didn’t answer. In my experience those sounded like famous last words.

Later I quietly ran through the plan with my little boy again. He still didn’t understand fully but he was super excited about being a hero, which of course is what I had convinced him he would be if everything went the way I hoped. But I had to say, I was more nervous about this plan than I had been about my others. Not because of any danger — this was the least dangerous plan I had ever come up with — but because so much was at stake.