Mark Leyner - Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini

As for zit popping, it definitely can lead to some complications. Squeezing pimples can actually push the zit-causing bacteria farther into the skin, causing more redness and swelling. It is also the most common cause of acne scarring.

There is one more deadly complication from zit popping, which is called cavernous sinus thrombosis, a blood clot in the sinus cavity that runs between the sphenoid bone, the large bone at the base of the skull, and temporal bone located near the temple. The real danger zone for zit popping is an area that some people refer to as the triangle of death, an area stretching from the bridge of the nose to the corner of the mouth to the width of the jaw. The veins in this area drain into the cavernous sinus and any severe infection in this area can cause cavernous sinus thrombosis. Squeezing zits in this part of your face can cause an infection and start this dangerous process.

Our friend Kim can do pretty much anything. She was like Martha Stewart before anyone had seen her bake her first cookie. Add to that a rugged edge that allows her to take on any project. She wanted to know the answer to this one, and we realized if anyone could do this, it would be her. She also wouldn’t allow the procedure to interrupt her dinner party.

A cricothyroidotomy (similar to a tracheostomy) is one of the most dramatic procedures done in the emergency room. This procedure is an emergency attempt to relieve a blocked airway. Remember the M*A*S*H episode where Father Mulcahy sticks a pen into some guys throat to help him breathe?

The oyster knife might work too, but definitely avoid trying this at home! Call 911 instead.

We all saw that Friends episode (c’mon, you watch it, too) when Monica gets stung by a jellyfish. Joey remembers that peeing on a jellyfish sting takes the pain away, Monica “can’t bend that way,” and Joey gets “stage fright,” leaving Chandler to save the day. Don’t believe everything you see on TV.

Most jellyfish stings cause only pain and numbness. The Australian box jellyfish is the most venomous and deadly of all stinging marine creatures. Approximately 20 percent of those stung by the box jellyfish will die. Portuguese man-of-war is also dangerous but nothing compared to the box jellyfish.

The following guideline can be applied to most jellyfish stings: The patient should remove any visible tentacles, using gloves if possible. The area of the sting should be rinsed with household vinegar. The acetic acid of the vinegar can block discharge of the remaining nematocysts (stinging cells) on the skin and should be applied liberally. If vinegar is not available, salt water can be used to wash off the nematocysts.

In laboratory tests, urine, ammonia, and alcohol can cause active stinging cells to fire, which means applying them has the potential to make a minor sting worse, so urinating on a jellyfish sting is both gross and painful.

Oh the pleasure of the forbidden! Those things that you are not supposed to do are always so enticing.

The ears, for the most part, do not require any routine cleaning. Ears are like a self-cleaning oven. With the help of gravity and body heat, earwax will gradually find its way out. If wax appears on the outer ear, a cotton swab may be used. If you can’t help but go in farther, you are risking wax impaction or injury. If you do get wax impacted in your ear, you will be in pain and half deaf. There are over-the-counter preparations that can help relieve wax blockage but warm water in a syringe often works. As a last resort you can see an ear doctor or come to the ER for a good cleaning.

It is not uncommon for us to see patients who have violated these rules and come to see us to remove the tip of the cotton swab that has fallen off inside the ear. Don’t worry, we are prepared. We also remove other things like cockroaches, beads, and pen caps, all of which we’ve pulled out of ears.

Gberg:We need a list of things for the cotton swabs in the ear question.

Leyner:OK.

Gberg:Things that you aren’t supposed to do but can’t resist.

6:05P.M.

Leyner:Picking scabs.

Gberg:I love it when they bring the food to the table and say “hot plate.”

Gberg:Can’t help but touch.

Leyner:That’s good!

Leyner:More…

Gberg:Like Carrie says, “More funny, boys.”

Gberg:Making fun of the editor is one of those things that you are not supposed to do but can’t resist.

Leyner:More funny like, “How do you extract my size 9 old school Adidas shell toe from the rectum of a book editor?” More funny…

Gberg:Should I leave that in?

6:10P.M.

Leyner:Your call.

Leyner:Might be a little harsh.

Leyner:But it’s from the heart.

Gberg:Slightly.

Gberg:A dangerous little muscle, that heart of yours.

Leyner:I’m trying to think of more not-to-do stuff.

Gberg:Talk at a woman’s breasts.

Gberg:Eat your young.

Leyner:Pick chicken pox.

Gberg:You just want to pick stuff.

Leyner:Pop pimples.

Gberg:Talk with food in your mouth.

Leyner:I knew some girls who loved popping each other’s and their boyfriends’ pimples.

6:30P.M.

Gberg:I wish my lady would groom me like a monkey.

Leyner:It’s all in the eating… monkeys combine grooming and eating… that’s the special part… picking insects out of our fur and eating them.

Leyner:Metaphorically speaking.

Gberg:You are at your best when speaking metaphorically.

Leyner:Thank you again.

Gberg:I gotta leave to go to the Knicks game soon.

Leyner:Can we get back at this tomorrow when you get back from the hospital?

Gberg:Let’s try to finish everything.

Leyner:You have to go, right… we’ll talk about it tomorrow.

Gberg:OK, let’s talk tomorrow.

Leyner:I’ll look at the e-mail… and we’ll drive the final stake into the heart of this vampiress tomorrow.

Colonic irrigation claims to help indigestion and yeast infections, control blood pressure, restore pH balance, reduce bad odors, clear colon blockage, induce proper blood clotting, stimulate production of white blood cells, help prevent gallstone production, clean the colon of parasites, help loss of concentration, and aid lung congestion, sinus congestion, skin problems, and nail fungus.

Not a bad day’s work, but not exactly proven, and yes, potentially dangerous.

Colonic irrigation (CI) is a procedure in which very large quantities of liquids are infused into the large intestine, or the colon, via the rectum through a tube. The purpose is to detoxify the body through the removal of accumulated waste from the colon. This may involve the use of twenty or more gallons of liquid. Liquids used in colonics may contain coffee, herbs, enzymes, or wheatgrass.