Mary Roach - Grunt

“Listen,” said Mark. “I know how a grunt’s mind works. They’re not thinking about having kids. They don’t have wives, most of them.” He was shirtless under a gray fleece throw, his body a round form that stopped too soon. He pointed out that the sperm bank nearest to the Marine Corps training base at Twentynine Palms was probably in Los Angeles, three hours away. “You can give them all the information you want; they’re not going to do it.”

His mom joined the conversation. Stacy Fidler wore jeans and a red shirt with a Marine Corps insignia and was perched on the edge of Mark’s prone cart, a joystick-operated, wheeled table that he’s been using to get around. “It should be available right there on base,” she said. “And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

“No,” countered Mark. “You have to make them do it. Honestly, in Afghanistan we talked nearly every day about getting blown up. But the most we ever talked about, injury-wise, was losing maybe above the knees, both legs. You never think about the genitals. Don’t give them a single chance to go, ‘Aaaaa, forget it.’”

If the military were to pay for predeployment sperm-banking for every male recruit, wouldn’t they also need to pay for extracting and freezing eggs—a costlier and more involved undertaking? Stacy shakes her head no. “If a girl gets her ovaries blown up, she’s not going to be here.” Meaning that an explosion that blows up a woman’s ovaries is likely to be lethal. “That’s a whole different ball game,” she said, intending no word play.

Mark has radar for whatever frame of mind a person has brought along into his room: unease, medical detachment, in my case curiosity. With little warning, he rolled onto his belly, pulled the blanket off and slid down the back of his Jockeys. Pointing to where his buttocks used to be, he said, “This right here is my lap.” Was , he means. His surgeons took skin from the front of his thighs, thighs they were removing anyway, and covered the crater made by the grenades. A dressing as big as a gas cap covered a pressure sore.

Once the sores heal, he said, he wants to try skydiving, horseback riding, calf roping. He wants to act in zombie movies and wrestle alligators. For some reason, it was the next one that made me go gooey: “I want to see Paris.” To this day, when I think of Mark, I picture him, cigarette behind one ear, rolling way too fast down Boulevard Saint-Germain.

As I write this, there’s been chatter in the media about the ultimate composite-tissue transplant: a whole body. If it were possible to regrow spinal nerves, you could, in theory, sever a soldier’s head from his severely mangled body and surgically transplant it—hooking up the arteries, veins, and nerves—onto a freshly decapitated beating-heart cadaver whose tissues have been kept oxygenated via a respirator. A rough version of the procedure was performed by Cleveland surgeon Robert White in the 1960s, using pairs of rhesus monkeys. The heads with their new bodies survived for a few days, paralyzed and unable to breathe on their own. Then rejection issues set in. Vastly better immunosuppressant protocols have brought the whole Frankenstein tale closer to reality, though it still resides in the realm of speculation. Spinal nerves are far more complicated than peripheral nerves. Peripheral nerves, which serve the extremities, are like telephone wires in a sheath. When the wire is cut, the signal stops at that point. But if you reattach the axon it will regrow along the pathway of its sheath. With spinal nerves, the analogy is no longer telephone wires; now you’re cutting the wires in a sophisticated computer network. The nerves don’t know what they’re supposed to reconnect to, which way to regrow, what paths to follow to restore function. The optic nerve is similarly complex. That is one reason no one, not even Rick Redett, has successfully transplanted an eye. [19] An exception is made for Dr. H. W. Bradford, who, for cosmetic purposes, transplanted a rabbit eye into the socket of a sailor who’d suffered a childhood eye injury. “The nature of the man’s calling,” wrote Bradford in the 1885 case study, “made it undesirable to use a glass eye.” I don’t know the precise occupational risks of the seafaring eyeball, but the prevalence of eye patches among pirates suggests they do exist. Despite some clouding, the operation was deemed a moderate success. Though rabbits have larger pupils, their eyes are otherwise unnervingly similar to our own, as a Google Image search will quickly establish. I can’t recommend this activity, however, as the search results will include a photograph of a plastic-lined box captioned “Rabbit heads: no neck, no skin, with eyes. 100 grams each. Please contact me for price quotation.”

THE THIN cadaver’s penis lies on the big cadaver’s belly while Cooney finishes isolating nerves and vessels on the stump. They’re not going to hook them up this time, because that takes six to ten hours, four to six surgeons, and a microscope on wheels. And was not the point of today’s endeavor.

When Cooney is done, Redett picks up the organ and drapes it in place over the larger cadaver’s stump. In the way a shopper previews the fit of a shirt by holding it to his shoulders, we have a sense of what this body would look like with the other’s penis. Redett steps away to get his camera. I am not preparing a presentation, but I, too, take some photographs. As though I could ever forget the sight.

Redett finishes and sets down his camera. He zips the big man’s body bag. It resembles a tuxedo bag and has a space for the cadaver’s name, which has been filled in with black marker. When I get back to my hotel, I find an online obituary for him. There are a number of interactive options. One of them causes me to make a strangled barking sound. “Please add a photo and share in the life story of ________.” Another option invites me to add a memory to the online guest book. “If you need help finding the right words, view our suggested entries.” Nothing seems to fit.

THE CALL TO PRAYER can be heard from the Carl’s Jr. parking lot. You can hear it at the Wells Fargo drive-through and outside the offices of the San Diego County Water Authority. The attentive listener will notice that something is off. Rather than five times over the course of a day, you may hear it six or seven times in a morning. Other days it is absent. If, perplexed, you were to follow the sound, you would find yourself not at a mosque but at a spread of movie studios and sets known as Stu Segall Productions. By all means, knock on the door and have a look around.

Segall was born a Stuart, but on his movie credits and in my mind he is always and very much a Stu. [20] Except when he’s a Godfrey, as he is in many of his 1970s movie credits. Godfrey Daniels produced ten titles in the long-forgotten genre “soft core,” paying loving if needless attention to his plots, one of which could be a chapter in a Mary Roach book: “A research facility uses state-of-the-art equipment to test sex dolls.” Chest hair can be seen, and some necklace in there. There are whiskers, sparse and longish, somewhere between beard and I-don’t-feel-like-shaving. He has a wife but spends more time in the company of Bob, an agreeable Rottweiler who naps on the black leather couch in his office. Segall dives in and out of careers with glee. Writing, directing, producing (most recognizably, the TV crime drama Hunter ). He owns a diner next to the studio. He doesn’t cook, but occasionally he names menu items, and you can pick them out without too much trouble—for example, the Boob (chicken breast) Sandwich.