Danny Beer - From the city of angels to the land of fire. Danny Beer, gringo on tour

You wake up late. On the way out of town you meet up with a character who claims he was kidnapped not long ago. He’s on his way south to find a hospital and fuck knows what. Strangely enough he doesn’t ask you for money.

You head out of town, realizing only then that you are on the wrong road. Oh this road still heads south, just on the more dangerous highway. This means big detour to get to the freeway. Oh well. A friendly cop, on his own bike, helps with directions in the small town of Costa Rica, which is not even on the coast.

And zoom, zoom, zoom, down the freeway you go. You pile on the miles. La Cruz is the destination but it never seems to arrive. It gets dark. Time to start looking for a place to camp. You get a flat tire. Time to start looking for a place to camp very soon. And you find a place. It looks good despite being about four metres from the freeway. But it is semi-secluded and on flat sandy ground. Bed time. And look at all that pretty lightning.

After a sleepless night from the noise and humidity you pack up early and hit the road. It takes a while to sort out the tire and when you do it only lasts ten km anyway. But it doesn’t deflate that quickly. If you persevere and inflate the tire every few km you might be able to make it somewhere up the road. At least somewhere to find water. So thirsty!!!

Eventually the turn off to town arrives and you find a shop. You waste another hour or so trying to sort out the tire. Why is this so difficult? You head back out onto the freeway. Everything goes fine enough for a while. Road works are not too friendly. Nor are the big semi-trucks who absolutely insist on driving you off the road. By now you’re quite used to it, a natural almost.

It sure is hot. With the first day of wearing a T-shirt, your arms are burnt red. With just thirty km to go until Mazatlan your rear tire goes flat. Well, it was bound to happen really. It seems such an easy task to fix. So why do you spend two hours at it and you still can’t fix it?

Time to start walking. It’s hitching time. All seems hopeless. But someone does stop to give you a lift. You jump in back with the bike and cruise into town, pass all the expensive resorts, and are dropped off on the main strip in town. You wheel the bike around until you find a hotel which is not astronomically expensive. “Can I have a look at the room?” You ask. “No.”

No wonder he wouldn’t let you check it out. Dump is the only word to describe this. But it will do for tonight. Tomorrow you can find something in the old town where prices are not so extravagant.

A couple days rest is what you need. And you kinda get it. You use the half useless tube on the tire, re-inflating it every couple km or so until you get to the old town. You find a hotel a little cheaper, but no better, and check in. With the bike as it is you really don’t want to be tramping around looking for a hotel.

After the hotel is sorted what you need is a swim. And the water is oh so nice. You ask at a café directions to a bike shop and after wandering about town in the heat you find some. But two tubes is all that you can acquire. With the luck you’ve been having they will barely last until you leave town.

And it’s true. During the night the front tire also goes flat. You need to use both tubes. But before all that.. You go looking for a third hotel to stay in for your third night in town. And find one which looks nice. Another hotel looks pretty bad, and expensive too. As you walk out one of the ‘ladies’ inside asks if you want something else. But you don’t understand the Spanish. That’s okay as the fucky fucky gestures are obvious enough. Also obvious are the blowjob signs she gives. “What?!? You want me to pay you? It aint gonna happen lady.”

You meet some guy and he invites you to go for a ride with him and his friends. You um and ah over the safety of it and go along anyway. So you jump in the back of the ute with a beer in hand and cruise around town. Later, just the three of you inside the cabin your new friends pull up and chat to a hooker. They are trying to get you laid. But she wants money first for drugs so you leave unloved but still disease free. You find out later that your friend was asking for all three of you to, um, do her.

Your friends take you to there soon to be gas station. They even invite you to work tomorrow. “No, thanks.” You say and hope things don’t get awkward. It rains. It rains a lot. The town floods. On the way back into town your friend screams around a corner sending a wave of water all over a pedestrian. He screams out and you just can’t help but laugh.

You kill eight roaches that night. Hopefully the next hotel will be better.

Late and hungover you fix the bike but a new tube still leaks. It gets you to the next hotel though. It must be the valve. You fix it and the tires don’t seem to go flat anymore. But for how long?

You don’t do much today. You look for a bike shop but they are all closed. Well, it is Sunday after all. You go for a swim and chill out at a café. You want to see a bullfight but it’s the wrong time of year for that. Too hot apparently. No shit.

You wake up late feeling very lethargic. Indeed with the luck you’ve been having lately you really are reconsidering the whole trip. You pack the bags, get a bite to eat, some spare tubes and are on your way. You get six spare tubes. That should be enough for a day or two.

The tires are holding up well for now but you are very careful not to run over anything. You really are quite nervous about the whole thing now.

It is hot but soon clouds over to the point of rain. Perhaps thunder and the whole shebang. The road is great. It narrows down considerably at one point but the traffic is so slow you just nudge right in with it all. This is supposed to be the start of the most dangerous stretch of road in the world. But the new toll freeway may have negated this. It is near vacant of traffic too.

To escuinapa you go. This has a real Mexican feel. Some kid throws a ball at you. You pick it up and take off with it. But what do you want with a ball? So you drop it and keep going. You find a hotel but it is too expensive so you cross the road and find one for half the price.

You leave Escuinapa in hope of finding the freeway. But first there is a stretch of highway to cover with the all to frequent trucks running you off the road. The highway runs parallel to the freeway, which is closed for construction. This means you have the freeway all to yourself while you watch all the other traffic battle it out on the single lane highway.

The kilometers fly by but soon you need to top up the tanks again. You have shite all hope of finding anything to eat but road kill on the freeway so you head off and detour fourteen kilometers to a restaurant near Acaponeta. There is also a road toll here. The girl waves frantically as you ride out but catches you on the way back. What she wants is you to put the big onto the raised ‘sidewalk’ for all of four metres and take it off again. It seems uselessly official and it probably is. You have read about this before but never bothered, succeeding quite easily with riding through. But if it makes them happy then sure, I’ll play along. Oh and you do get a flat on this detour too.