Аманда Палмер - The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

In Melbourne, Peter Nicholls and Clare Coney have given me a real, true Australian home and made me part of their family, and I’m profoundly grateful. Rose Chong (and her employees, the Chongettes) in Collingwood have become another Home—thank you, Rose; you’re another patron of Kindness and Random Beauty.

My Los Angeles family: Uncle Doug and Rita, thanks for letting us park in your house in LA while we edited, and for support and help over the years. Cousins Katherine and Robert, thanks for your always having a bed and a cookie for me when I come through town.

Melissa Auf der Maur has become a friend, cheerleader, couch-host and conspirator, thanks to an Icelandic Ashcloud and Twitter. Melissa, thank you.

Zoë Keating, my touring mate and confidant, is a constant source of inspiration to me at every level. Zoë, thank you.

Meow Meow, you are my mostly companion. Thank you for being my friend in Melbourne and beyond.

(And all three of you should hang out together. Please invite me. I’ll bring wine.)

Jason Webley is always just the answer to everything. Thank you, Jason, for connecting the dots of my life before I even see them.

I wrote about a LOT of people in this book, including Jason, and I tracked most of them down for permission. They helped me get the facts straight, and in some cases they even rewrote their own dialogue. I hope I don’t miss anybody. If I do, come yell at me for the next edition of the book. Gina Barrett was the TED speaker coach who I mention at the start of the book. E. Stephen Frederick, you’re a Bride-Napper. Gus, may Toscanini’s flourish forever (I still suggest you try my idea for a flavor called “Allied Invasion,” containing chocolate, poppy seeds, rubble, and tears). Kathleen Hanna, thank you for letting me use your story. You’re a Great Force in this world. Rob Chalfen, fish sometime soon. Alina Simone and Josh Knobe, thank you for being my oldest friends. Jacky, thank you, and thank your mum. Blake, thank you for sharing your statue reflections.

Edward Ka-Spel, you’re still my hero. Let’s make a record. Hera and Indiana, may we all meet in Iceland someday. Ron Nordin, thank you for helping me and so many other artists. You’re a class act. Tom Wethern and Steve Gisselbrecht, until the next chocolate party. Beth Hommel, thank you for years of help. Emily White, thank you for your help as well and… are you sure you don’t want another beer? And to Lorraine Garland and Cat Mihos, thank you for all the help you’ve given himself over the years, and, by default, to me. Frank Chimero and Maciej Cegłowski, thank you for leading me to Walden Pond and the donuts that awaited me there. Xanthea O’Connor? Take the fucking donuts. Sam Buckingham? Remind her, please. Ground control to Kim Boekbinder, may the force be with you. Thanks to Max Temkin for helping me out with John Campbell’s story. Dear, dear Karen Mantler—expect the worst, accept the worst, demand the worst!!! At Kickstarter HQ, thanks are due to Yancey Strickler and Fred Benenson, for arming me with the facts (and an incredible tool). Josh Ente, thanks for letting me interview you, and thank you for being an awesome person. Courtnee, thank you for allowing me to share our moment with the world. And Yana… you’ve been brave to begin with but so fucking brave to let me share our story in this book. Thank you.

To Ayelet Waldman and Michael Chabon, thank you not only for letting us get hitched at your house, but for letting me camp out and edit my last draft. And thanks to the Harvard Lampoon for providing me an editing office, Katy Perry, and some bourbon.

I’ve been given real gifts on a deep level from my many, many yoga teachers, especially from the Baptiste family: Baron, Gregor, Claire, Troy, Pilar, and Emily… namaste, motherfuckers. And right near home, thanks to Glen Cunningham at Sadhana for constant reminders to stay awake and compassionate with myself and everyone else.

I’d like to give a cosmic shout-out to all my musical collaborators, without whom I’d never have done anything, especially my musical soul-brother Brian Viglione. Thank you for years of inspiration, Brian. Sloth Power. And to the Grand Theft Orchesta: Michael McQuilken, Thor Harris, Chad Raines, Jherek Bischoff, and our producer, John Congleton. Thank you, guys, so much for making music with me. The Danger Ensemble: Steven, Lyndon, Tora, Kat, Peta, Katie, Mark… thank you for the art. And my regular touring crew over the years: Jaron “Steak” Luksa, Dave “Psycho” Hughes, Jeff Maker (dot com), Laura Keating, and Katie Kay… thank you for all the support on the road. I’d like to thank Felice, Vickie, Kevin, Aleix, Sarah, Dana, Damien, Jessica, and Jared at Girlie Action for going on the Kickstarter adventure: thank you, guys, for everything you did to help us. Ditto for Mike, Nick, Machete, and everyone at Famehouse. Art-felt thanks to Andrew Nelson for creating such beautiful Kickstarter packaging. Thanks to Wes for years of merchandising help. Matt Hickey has been my faithful booking agent for over ten years, and without him I’d be lost. Thank you, Matt. Huge thanks as well to Bex Majors, who books me in Europe. And thanks to Ted Harris, who keeps me on the right side of the law.

I owe MASSIVE thanks to the people who actually test-read sections of this book and provided valuable feedback, caught errors, suggested changes, and saved my ass from saying the right thing the wrong way or the wrong thing the wrong way or whatever you know what I mean. Seth Godin went above and beyond the call of duty in suggesting cuts and tweaks to the first draft of the manuscript. Thank you so, so much, Seth. I don’t know why you’re so goddamn nice. Jason Webley and Michael Pope saved me from myself in several spots. Maria Popova, Kambriel, Len Tower Jr., Lisa Oberteuffer, Andrew O’Neill, Cormac Bride, Mike Masnick, Whitney Moses, Kandace Schultz, and Bob Rosenthal all provided heartfelt encouragement and insight. Seriously, I cannot thank all of you enough for slaving on such a tight schedule to help me make this book. Thank you.

A lot of artists—helmed by the cover photographer, Allan Amato—contributed to the painting/party that culminated in the cover of this book.

Thank you to Geeta Dayal for all her encouragement in the author department.

I want to thank Ben Folds for constantly encouraging my writing and being an awesome friend.

And I want to thank Steve Albini. Just because I can. Here’s a hug, Steve Albini.

This book also would not have been A Real Book if I hadn’t had the help of literary agent Merrilee Heifetz at Writers House, who has lovingly held my hand while I traipsed into BookLand. Many thanks to you and to Sarah Nagel for all the work you’ve done.

Emily Griffin, my editor at Grand Central, has been the picture of patience and understanding while I’ve wrestled with this thing, and was the first one to come to me after the TED talk was released, asking BOOK? You’re holding the answer in your hands, Emily. Thank you for all the love, work, thoughts, and edits you’ve poured into this book. Your faith in me is not taken for granted. Thank you, thank you. And to Megan Gerrity, our production editor, and to all of the team at Hachette who are putting this book onto shelves—Jimmy Franco, my publicist, and all the people in the art department—thank you.

Fiona, thank you for being the picture of patience while I slaved on my edits… your help and love means more than you know.

My parents, the whole wonderful motley collection of them: Kathy, John, Jack, Donna, Elaine… thank you all for raising me, helping me, and taking care of me, all in your own ways. I love you. And to my sisters Alyson and Lisa, thank you for sharing your stories and lives with me. I love you both. And to my half brother, Alex, and my brothers-in-law, Cees and Todd: I love you guys. To my stepchildren Maddy, Holly, and Mike… I love you, too.