Tera Patrick - Sinner Takes All

“Why are you talking to your ex in front of me?” I screamed. I completely overreacted and freaked out on him. “How dare you tell her she’s gorgeous? You are never to talk to your ex again.” I was irrational and I just went off.

He was like, “OK, you’re right. I’ll never speak to her again.”

Looking back on it now, I can’t believe how crazy jealous and insecure I would get on him and how he always handled it the same way: with compassion, understanding, and respect. Evan had the patience of a saint with me. Any other man would’ve left my insecure bullshit and me. But Evan called me on that bullshit and gave me what I needed in a relationship: love, support, and, at the time, constant reassurance. He handled me like a pro. He always made me feel better and made me trust him and he never did cheat on me or do anything wrong. But it took a while before I could believe it was true. It took me a while to really trust that I found the one thing I was searching for my whole life: a man to treat me well and whom I could love until death do us part.

Ireally did know that Evan would be my husband on that first night together. I never believed in that until it happened to me. With Evan, I just knew it. My previous two engagements to Clayton and Roland didn’t even count. I was young and naive then, and even though I accepted their proposals, deep down I never felt that either of them was the one. Besides, there was always a side of me that wanted to wait until I was older to get married because I had seen what getting married too young did to my parents.

Evan and I were inseparable during the first few months of our relationship. It was a passionate, crazy, emotional, sex-crazed time. I wanted to spend more time with Evan and less time working, but Digital Playground was making it hard for me. I’d be preparing to fly to New York to see Evan, and my manager, Sam, would all of a sudden have a job for me that weekend. It felt like she was trying to keep us apart. But there were certain jobs I just had to do, such as appearing at the Venus adult film expo in Berlin, Germany, in October 2002. I was booked in Germany for two full weeks, and I didn’t want to be apart from Evan for that long, but Sam made me go.

I was busy every day at Venus signing autographs, meeting distributors, and schmoozing. And I was calling Evan constantly. I missed him so much and I was going through my jealousy phase, which was making me insecure about being apart. Instead of going to any of the Venus parties or events, I would stay in my hotel room, talking to Evan for hours. We were still in the honeymoon period of our relationship, as it had only been a month since our first date and we were head-over-heels in love.

Evan called me constantly too. We both just missed each other a lot and loved to hear the sound of the other’s voice. One day on this trip, I called Evan and he wasn’t there. No worries. He usually calls back immediately. I figured maybe he was just in the bathroom or the shower or something. But then an hour went by and still no Evan. Two hours went by and I began to think the worst: He’s with another girl! I was getting furious, and each message to him got more frantic. I started out all sweet and loving, “Hi, Evan, it’s me. I miss you. Call me.” And by the time I left my fifth message it was, “Where the fuck are you? What the fuck are you doing? You better not be with another girl! You fucking asshole!”

Twenty-four hours later, I called his cell again and his friend Robey picked up. I said, “Where the fuck is Evan? What the fuck is going on?” He told me Evan was in the hospital. Evan and his friend Tyson Beckford, the model, were taking the air conditioner out of his Brooklyn loft because I had complained it was too drafty in there and Tyson dropped it on Evan’s foot and broke his toe.

I felt like a fool. Here’s this man doing something sweet for me to make my visits to Brooklyn more comfortable, and I’m thinking he’s out gallivanting with some chick. I felt horrible and told myself that I had to stop being so crazy and just trust this man. That made me miss Evan even more.

I missed him so much that I slept with my phone so I wouldn’t miss his call. But one morning I woke up and my phone wasn’t in my bed. I panicked. Sam told me that I must have dropped my phone somewhere and not to worry; we’d report it stolen and get a new one.

Later that day, Sam left her purse in the back of the cab and a phone fell out (but we didn’t know it at the time). Next thing I know, I’m borrowing Sam’s phone to call Evan and before I can dial, the phone rings. I wouldn’t normally answer someone else’s phone but it was in my hand, so I picked up. I didn’t notice that when the call came in, it said TERA CELL on the screen, but it must have because it was the cab company calling to say they found a phone and dialed the last number called to try to find the owner. I asked what number it was, and they read me my number. I was shocked. Sam had apparently taken my phone and hid it in her purse. I told them I’d be right there to pick it up and then I called Evan and said, “I want to come home right now.”

I had my suspicions about Digital and Sam, but that incident made it clear to me that it was time to leave. I called her out on the phone situation and she admitted that she had taken it. She said, “Well, I saw how much you were talking to Evan and I thought it was really unhealthy, so I was just trying to protect you.” She had a great way of manipulating me. I told Sam, “You need to let me live my life. I really love this guy. He’s not a bad guy. He’s really good to me. Why can’t you be happy for me?”

I was furious and couldn’t wait to get home. But when I called Evan, he had something else in mind. “Don’t go home to California. Come to Miami with me,” he said. “I want to take you on a nice vacation. You need to get away.”

He met me at the airport on crutches from his broken toe. My heart melted at the sight of him. I didn’t care where we were going or what we were going to do. All I wanted was to be together. But he had more in store. He went all out and booked a king suite with an ocean view at one of Miami Beach’s most upscale and elite resorts: the Art Deco Delano Hotel. It was one of the most beautiful hotels I had ever seen. It looked like a scene from an Old Hollywood movie starring some blond starlet like Veronica Lake in a white silk robe, walking around in marabou and satin slippers with a kitten heel, and smoking out of one of those fancy long cigarette holders. The suite was elegant in all white with sheer curtains that hung from ceiling to floor and a huge king bed with big fluffy white down covers and inviting pillows. Even the floor tiles were white. It was so pristine that I didn’t want to touch anything. It was simply stunning. And Evan had the room set up with all of my favorites—fresh strawberries, champagne, and rose petals. I was floored.

Of course, we couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off, so we had sex immediately. In the middle of our romp, there was a knock on the door. I ignored it, but Evan stopped fucking me and jumped up. Evan usually doesn’t stop for anything. The house could be burning down and he’d keep on going.

“Don’t you get that,” I said.

“I have to!” He seemed anxious and started to head for the door. I didn’t want him to leave so I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward me. I’m a lot stronger than you’d think. He broke free so I lunged for his leg. As he made his way toward the door, there I was clinging comically to his leg and stopping him from getting very far. There’s another knock on the door. Evan finally broke free and with nothing on but a towel covering his still-erect penis, he opens the door to find a bellboy with a FedEx package. He ripped open the envelope, and I could see there was a ring box inside. Before he could say anything, I knew what was about to happen. I knew this was the moment in my life that I would never forget. I was about to become the happiest girl in the world.