Charles Waite - Survivor of the Long March

‘Have I done something wrong?’ No answer. ‘Lily. What is it?’ And then those words, spoken so slowly.

‘Well, I’ve been thinking.’

There was a long pause. I could hear people passing in the street, singing and laughing. ‘Someone’s happy,’ I thought. ‘Don’t say anything,’ I said to myself and then out loud, ‘Don’t say anything else, Lily. Please, don’t.’

She sighed and said, ‘I’m sorry, Charlie, but I want time to think about us a little bit more.’

She’s found somebody else, I knew it. ‘Do you want me to go?’

‘Do you mind?’

That was it, I had to go then. ‘If that’s what you want I’ll leave.’

I got up slowly, leaned over and kissed her goodbye on the cheek. There was a terrible lump in my throat so I couldn’t have spoken even if I had wanted to. I went downstairs, out the front door, shutting it slowly, down the path, shutting the gate slowly too, hoping all the time Lily would come out and call me back. I walked to the end of the road, looking back all the time to check if her light was still on. No light. I walked on to the bus stop, thinking she would run after me. I waited. I could hear the sound of a piano playing in a pub nearby and people laughing, and the far-off rumble of a passing train but no voice calling me back.

My mother was still awake when I got in. Once she had heard the back door go and my footsteps coming upstairs, she could close her eyes and go to sleep. But I couldn’t sleep that night thinking about what had happened and wondering what I had done wrong. All alone now. A terrible feeling.

I hadn’t seen Lily for weeks, maybe for a couple of months or, should I say, she hadn’t seen me. Because during that time, I have to confess something. I followed her and secretly watched where she was going. I missed her but I admit that I also wanted to know if she was seeing somebody else. Once I followed her all the way up Stratford Broadway to the Town Hall where she met some fellow outside and they went in to a dance which was on there. I didn’t go inside but she did the same thing the following week. Well, that’s it, I thought.

Then one evening she suddenly appeared. I was returning home with my brother-in-law, who was staying with us. It was very dark as we walked from the station as half the street lights were off. Bert saw somebody waiting at the top of the road and as we got nearer I heard my name being called.

‘It’s Lily,’ said Bert, ‘you go on, I’ll make my own way back,’ and he made himself scarce.

‘Lily,’ I said rushing towards her. ‘How long have you been here?’

‘I thought I’d missed you.’

I could see she was shivering. ‘You’re freezing cold,’ I said as I touched a hand. ‘You’ve got no gloves.’ I took hold of both hands and warmed them with mine. She bent forward and a lock of her hair brushed my cheek and I breathed in the familiar scent of lavender soap. We stood there for a while just feeling the reassuring presence of each other again.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said at last. ‘So sorry, Charlie,’ and she put her arms around me and gave me a big hug. Oh, how I had missed that!

‘I don’t understand,’ I said. ‘What happened?’ Whatever it was it didn’t really matter now. ‘What was it? What did I do wrong? Tell me and I’ll try and put it right.’

She stood back a bit and said, ‘You can’t dance, Charlie.’

What did she mean, can’t dance? Was that what this was all about? ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I know I’m no good at dancing. It’s just that I’ve got two left feet.’ I looked at her and smiled, ‘But I can learn, Lily. I’m sure I can, if you want.’

Fortunately for me, Lily saw past my failings and realised she loved me for what I was. I hoped I would make a better partner in marriage than I was on the dance floor. I was lucky, so lucky that she gave me a second chance. I did try to learn to dance years later after we were married. Lily had talked me into taking some dancing lessons but it wasn’t any good and I still have two left feet.

As war approached everybody was getting jittery with the news of Hitler’s invasion of Poland. So on 3 September, when the inevitable announcement came, it was a kind of relief. We didn’t have a radio but word got round quickly about Chamberlain declaring war on Germany. My mother was upset and cried. The last thing she, or anybody else who had lived through the last war, wanted was another one. There was talk about the call up of young men between 20 and 23 years old. That upset my mother and sisters too. It was just a matter of time. My birthday was in May so, as a 20-year-old, I was expecting my papers any day.

When my army call up papers arrived on 18 October telling me where I had to go register, it was a blow when I realised that I wasn’t going to join the regiment I had requested. Everybody had to fill in a form sent from the Ministry of Labour and National Service, asking us ‘to express your preference’ and I wrote down, ‘to join the Royal Corps of Signals.’ My school friend, Ronnie, had just joined them and had gone off training not far away. I was looking forward to following him and having a pal around to make it more fun and less frightening.

I imagined that I would be learning Morse Code and how to use a radio transmitter; how to install and repair telephone lines and useful skills like that for the front line boys. I did not want to be in an infantry regiment whose main purpose was sticking bayonets into other men’s guts. It was not that I didn’t want to do my duty or was going to shirk my responsibility but I just didn’t want to have to kill a man, any man, somebody with a wife and children. Why should I kill him?

I honestly believed that there was a choice when I filled in the form. I am in where I want to be, ready to serve my King and Country. I am not afraid of hard work and I want to learn new skills. I will do my job as well as I can and we will all be home by Christmas.

There was no choice. I was put in the Queen’s Royal Regiment, an infantry regiment, well known for its fighting abilities. It was wrong of them to give you the idea that you had a say in what happened to you. It was one of the first (and there were to be many later on), examples of the helplessness I felt at being in the hands of authority, powerless to decide your own destiny.

I was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 7th Company which was made up of regulars, volunteer reservists (territorials) and conscripts. A lot of us, especially the conscripts and the young officers, didn’t have a clue what to do and we never had any real training. It was the Phoney War; and things hadn’t got going properly and we felt as though we were just playing at being soldiers.

I had to report to an address in East Grinstead which turned out to be premises above a furniture store in the High Street. I met another fellow on the train who was going there, and we eventually found it round the back of the building up some stairs. It was musty and damp inside and looked as though the place was used for storage and had just been hastily cleared. There were a dozen or so there already and we joined a queue to register at a desk. Gradually more arrived, until there were about thirty of us by late afternoon. There didn’t seem to be anything else to do except sit and wait. One chap said, ‘I fancy going out for some cigarettes. Anybody want to come?’ A couple put their hands up and were about to leave when we heard the sound of heavy boots coming up the stairs.

The Sergeant Major arrived and stood in the doorway. Nobody moved. He was a ratty little fellow who didn’t look as though he was going to take any nonsense from anybody. Straightaway he laid into us, barking commands to line up, stand to attention and don’t speak until you’re spoken to. He told us in no uncertain terms what he thought of us. He didn’t like the look of us, we weren’t going to be any good or amount to much, all that sort of caper you get from these people. It didn’t sound to me as though we were in for anything good.