Array Seka - Inside Seka

I said, “Okay, Dad, I won’t.”

My father was prepared to die. He had made peace with that. He started taking care of his arrangements a long time in advance to insure that his children would not have to bear that burden. Dad made me promise we wouldn’t pay any more for the funeral than what he provided.

Soon after, I got a call from the nursing home. The brief conversation turned into one I’d never forget.

“We need to amputate part of your father’s leg.”

“That is not his wishes,” I argued.

“But he’s in a lot of pain.”

“Give him more medication,” I insisted.

“If we do it’ll probably kill him.”

“It’s fine with me if you give him more pain medication.”

“Ma’am, you do understand….”

“Yes, I do. The man wants to go out with some dignity and peace.”

The next morning they called to tell me he was gone.

I knew my father had loved me unconditionally. I wished we had more time together when I was growing up, but our relationship was typical of how divorce was handled back in the day. Try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to blame him or say, “Oh woe is me,” because of him or anything he ever did or didn’t do for me. Even with my porn career, he felt whatever you do, you should do it with dignity. I could have sold chicken shit and my dad would have been proud of me.

It was pretty tough on me, but at the same time all his papers were in order. No fuss, no muss. My dad was always very logical that way. I had to go to Virginia to help make the arrangements. There was my brother, whom I’d never had a good relationship with since the family deserted me when I was eight. He was talking to Tom, the funeral director.

As executor, my brother said, “I already picked everything out.”

“We’ll see how it goes,” I replied.

The director said, “We’re up to $25,000.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I emphasized. I pulled out the insurance. “Show me what this is going to buy.”

It might have been $5,000 at most. What they offered would be simple yet dignified. My brother was not happy about it. I told him he could pay out of his own pocket which, of course, he wasn’t willing to do.

We had a graveside service with very bad weather that day. There was snow, snow, and more snow. We couldn’t actually bury him for nearly a week because the ground was too frozen to dig the grave. The weather fit my mood and my sense of loss. More than anyone else in my family, I miss my father the most.

I’d run a mail-order business for years, which was promoted by print ads, mostly in Club Magazine. But as time went by, magazines turned to e-zines and almost all mail-order businesses moved to that new-fangled thingy, the Internet.

Two close female friends bugged me for the longest time to do a web-site. They believed in me, felt there was a market for it, and put up the money which I didn’t have at the time. Since I’d been out of the public eye for quite a while, I feared it would blow up in our faces. Making matters worse, neither of my partners was wealthy. I didn’t know how or even if I could pay them back. We had to buy all kinds of equipment and pay strangers good money to get it off the ground.

We started out by getting my pictures from Club Magazine and scanning everything. It was labor intensive and I didn’t know jack shit about it. Hell, I didn’t even have a computer. My nephew bought me one to start the site. The Club material I had was mostly R-rated and I didn’t have much new material to put up. I wasn’t sure people wanted to see a fat old broad, since I was about sixty pounds heavier. I had become complacent and just didn’t care.

I was very hardheaded and wanted to protect my image as best as I could. It felt like I was being pressured to be out in public before I was ready. Unlike my partners, I was also concerned with copyrights and registrations and “minor” things like that.

It was extremely tough and slow in the beginning. It seemed like it took forever to even get a single member. Complicating matters, someone else had the www.seka.com URL and I didn’t know how to get it back. They had pictures of me on there and they were even saying they had my signed pictures for sale. But I was fortunate that on Google my www.officialseka.com was climbing in the rankings. I eventually hired a lawyer who cost me five grand I really couldn’t afford, to win the rights to the domain name www.seka.com. The folks originally behind it just kind of went away.

When the income started trickling in, I saw it did have possibilities. It became my job, my focus, and my passion. I would be up practically all night going on different search engines asking people to do a banner exchange. I had Yahoo Groups and did anything I could to try to get the name out.

It finally began to grow and was doing well enough where I was able to relax somewhat and pay my bills. None of us were making any “real” money on it, though, because it was split three ways and the others also had their day jobs to focus on.

I wanted to give the girls something for their troubles, but just couldn’t pull money out of the business at the time. I would pay for meals, entertainment, and business trips. But one of my partners wanted more control and seemed to be scared to give us space. Maybe we’d “run away,” I don’t know. For example, I had the opportunity to go to Florida to basically hang out. She wasn’t too thrilled with that nor did she like it if I had a relationship or even a casual tryst with someone. It always bothered her tremendously. She was just very jealous and insecure.

As deeply indebted as I was to them, I knew this partnership just wasn’t working. Eventually, lawyers came into the picture. I ultimately offered to buy them out. With one of the partners it worked out amicably. The other, of course, felt rejected. But I had found a way to make a living for myself again. And now I didn’t have to answer to anybody else.

One day I got an e-mail from a company called AEBN and they wanted to do a custom theater on Seka.com. That’s pay-per-view where people can go in to look at videos. I get a cut as an affiliate whenever someone clicks on and watches a piece of a movie. And if they don’t want to watch me, they can go in and watch whoever they want.