Array Seka - Inside Seka

This wasn’t exactly going to be glamorous.

The guy working the camera was the whole ball of wax: director, cameraman, and lighting guy. Not that there was a whole lot of direction. And there was certainly no dialogue. He said, “You don’t have to worry about talking or learning any lines. It’s not that kind of movie.” No shit.

It was a silent film. I was like Gloria Swanson all of a sudden. Oh God, it just brings back memories of Sunset Boulevard. The director spoke in a friendly yet no-bullshit tone. “I know this is the first time you’re doing a movie, but we’re here for the fucking.” He had already done three films that day and had more to shoot after mine.

My co-star seemed friendly enough and was pleasant. One thing I did notice was he was freshly showered. He had also shot one or two films previously that day.

The director told me the first position. The guy was going to perform oral sex on me. Since he didn’t know my name, he wasn’t trying to be rude, but kept referring to me as “You.” I said, “My name is Dottie.”

He said, “Raise your leg. It may not feel good, but people need to see it.” It was similar to the magazine shoot, with the photographer directing me.

I felt excited. I was enjoying the sex, believe it or not. The guy was clean, decent-looking, nice to me, and good at what he was doing. What was there not to like? Maybe it was because it was so taboo. Things that are forbidden are usually exciting.

There were several standard positions we had to do. I didn’t know that at the time, but I was learning fast. Missionary. Girl on top. Doggie style. Oral. And you had to have all four of those in the loop or you didn’t have a complete film. It was basically understood you had to have four positions in each sex scene.

Ken had totally left my head, but then I happened to glance over and he seemed to be extremely excited. For a second, I wondered if he would suddenly bolt in and deck the guy, but instead, he was really into watching me have sex with someone else. I didn’t know what to make of that or how it made me feel. I turned back to look at the person I was working with because that’s what I was being paid to do.

The guy ejaculated on my face. I wasn’t real excited about that part, even though I had seen it before on loops and had been told beforehand what to expect. It never bothered me to watch it, but since this was the first time it happened to me — ever — it kind of flipped me out. Actually, I thought it was pretty disgusting.

Afterwards, there was small talk between me and my co-star. “Nice to meet you. Nice to work with you. Hope to see you again.” Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. No different than if I’d just worked a shift at McDonald’s with a new fry cook.

I looked at the director and said, “Do you mind if I take a shower?” He gave me some clean towels. I took my shower all the while thinking, “Not bad. Four hundred bucks for an hour and a half. And I got laid. Got laid, got paid. Win-win.” It didn’t bother me, even with the cumshot.

Maybe it was because Ken was so into it. It also didn’t hurt that the director and the actor were cool and treated me nicely. There was no one around to put a damper on things. If some church lady burst in and screamed, “Heathen!” I might have felt differently, but that wasn’t the case.

We had no plans to remain in Baltimore, but we stayed later than we’d expected because of the shoot. I was ravenous after ninety minutes of steady sex, so we got a hotel room, went out to eat, and then went back to the room.

Ken was all over me like white on rice. He was hornier than hell. I thought, “This is fabulous. He’s so into me sexually.” But as we were having sex, he started talking dirty to me.

“Did you like that guy having his cock in your face? Did you like him fucking you from behind?”

I never had anyone talk dirty to me before. Since it was a silent loop, even the porn actor didn’t do that. Ken kind of freaked me out. I’d had sex with a total stranger that day, while being filmed by another total stranger, while being watched by Ken, yet it was Ken talking dirty to me that made me uncomfortable. I’d been able to compartmentalize the sex on camera, but expected more from the guy I took to bed in private.

I lost my virginity to Frank. Ken was my next lover. The third man I had sex with was a total stranger and it was on camera. Each time, it had been my own sober decision. I was good with that.

I didn’t expect porn to be a long-term career move. Let’s just say I’d crossed it off my bucket list. I thought it could be a way of making money if I ever left Ken again, but since I wasn’t exactly racing out the door from him for any reason right then, I figured it was just a one shot and done deal.

I thought the movie might be popular for a few weeks and that was it, because there were always new movies coming out. I didn’t give it that much thought at all. It wasn’t even a full-length movie like Deep Throat or something like that. It was just a loop — it lasted about twenty minutes or so. Low budget, no plot, no dialogue, two actors, one set. Dime a dozen.

Ken called the store and there was trouble brewing again with the police department — the same old deal with the bondage and fetish films. We had to get back because none of the employees knew what to do since the cops were threatening to arrest them. The part-time help got scared and even locked up three of the stores.

Meanwhile, the 8mm film I shot had to be edited, packaged, mass-produced, sent out to distributors, and then to the stores. I knew it was going to be on the market, but it would take at least two months or more to actually be released. Unbeknownst to me, the distributors from California who owned the rights to the film got the footage and had it developed. They were flipping out and calling the warehouse in Baltimore asking who the blonde girl was. They wanted more film. The Baltimore dude was calling Ken, who was speaking on my behalf without my knowledge.

Things began to get a little strange with Ken. He started talking dirtier to me in bed and asking me what my fantasies were. It never occurred to me to have fantasies back then. Sexually, I was very conventional. Even what I did in the movie was pretty straightforward and not a lot different than what most couples did in their bedrooms every night. No ponies, clowns, or Shriners.

Seeing the bookstores were a sinking ship, Ken suddenly asked me, “How do you feel about moving to California?”

“Fine, I’ve never been to California before.”

It sounded exciting so we just up and moved. He had a partner I didn’t know about and I believe he sold the stores to him. We packed up our belongings, put them in a U-Haul truck, and traveled across country.

When we arrived in California, there were free newspapers all over the place in those stands on the street. They have those ads you always see for nude modeling. Ken picked up one of them and said, “Oh, look. How do you feel about checking it out?”

I’d already checked it out, in Vegas, so there was nothing new about this suggestion. I knew I could do it. It was more a question of how badly did we need the money and was I again in the mood.

He kept pressing. “I think you can make a big name for yourself.”

We followed the ad to an agency headed by Bill Margold, who would one day become one of the major behind-the-scenes movers and shakers in the adult film biz and a member of every adult Hall of Fame ever to exist. I was so excited to see Hollywood and Vine until I saw it was a freak show, a conglomeration of strangeness. There were bizarre-looking street types walking around in the strangest outfits. Stepping into Bill’s small, cluttered, ratty-looking office in an old building on Hollywood Boulevard, I said to myself, “Oh my God. This is supposed to be glamorous Hollywood?!”