Lauren Bacall - By Myself and Then Some

Then my hair had to be combed out. Everything took much longer than it was meant to, particularly the first day. I was afraid my hair would be too curly. No one had ever set it before – I always did it myself, I was used to it. And I wanted the wave in the right place on the right side – starting to curve at the corner of my eyebrow and ending, sloping downward, at my cheekbone. Of course it was too curly, my hair always acted up when I didn’t want it to. I was getting more and more nervous.

Finally they were finished. The sound stage, Stage 12 (they were all numbered), was enormous. Going through a door that says DO NOT ENTER WHEN RED LIGHT IS ON, which means that filming is in progress. I entered this dimly lit stage and saw Howard. He kissed me on the cheek, said, ‘You look good, how do you feel?’ ‘Terrified,’ said I, ‘nervous.’ There was a camera, but not like the Rolleiflexes I had known, rather, a large apparatus with a seat behind it which moved. And a cameraman and quite a few other men in the area – the ‘crew.’ They had been lighting another girl – ‘Have I been replaced already? Don’t panic’ – who turned out to be a stand-in for me. So many strange people – so many new faces – so much equipment for this one scene between two people. Finally Howard said, ‘Okay, let’s try a take.’ Please, God, don’t let me be sick. Howard was marvelous – spoke softly, trying to soothe me and get the best out of me. I felt as secure with him as was possible for me to feel, given the circumstances. A letter dated May 3 to my mother:

My test was more fun, Mommy. I got to the studio at 8 for hair and make-up. Flirted with Dennis Morgan (the wolf), said hello to Cooper, had a chat with Sheridan and got on the set at 11:30. Went over the scene a few times with Howard. Then the first ‘take.’ ‘Shot’ until 1:30 – broke for lunch – saw Errol Flynn in the commissary and dove under the table. Got back on the set at 2:00 – ‘shot’ until 4:00. And I loved every minute of it. I had a dressing room and a stand-in, a hairdresser and a make-up man, the best photographer at Warners, an 11 page scene and Howard as a director. I had what every star has. A scene for a test is never more than 2 or 3 pages – stand-ins, dressing rooms, etc. are unheard of. So I was really a very lucky girl. Everyone told me that what I had only one out of 10,000 girls gets. So – there you have it.

Saw the test on Wednesday. It’s the weirdest feeling to see yourself move around and talk. I didn’t think it was exceptionally good. I didn’t look beautiful. But Howard and Charlie said it was excellent. Anyway, I’m the first girl Howard has ever signed personally and Charlie says I’m his protégée.

After the test was over I was full of bravado, name-dropping like crazy and very blasé. Actually Howard’s decision to sign me was made very quickly when one thinks how slowly things were usually done out there. And how quickly I accepted Charlie and Howard as my mentors – how quickly I shifted gears from East Coast to West.

I wrote endless instructions to my mother, and a letter asking for an honorable discharge from Equity as I would not be doing stage work for a while. I had sent Uncle Jack a copy of my contract with Howard – seven years starting at $100 a week, moving to $1,250 in the seventh year. I would have to send Mother money to buy me the things I asked for – and her ticket. I thought it was costing me a fortune to live – $17.50 a week just for rent and about $20 for food. So I’d have to get a salary advance. I was very happy, though. But I didn’t analyze it at all, it almost seemed the normal course of events. I had left New York one month before, filled with anticipation but uncertain of what the result would be – and here I was, after four weeks, accepting a life in California as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Four days later, on May 7, another letter to my mother.

Well, here it is honey – the news you have been waiting for so long.

Lv. New York Sunday May 16 – Commodore Vanderbilt – 4:20 p.m. Car 177 – Roomette #5.

Arr. Chicago – Monday, May 17 – 9:20 a.m.

Lv. Chicago, Monday – 12 o’clock – Bedroom A Car 198 – Santa Fe – Chief. Arr. Pasadena 11:15 a.m. Wednesday. May 19 – L.A. 11:50 a.m. Is that clear, sweetie? As for taking Droopy out, you can do that at the various stops. I will meet you at the station, so look for me…

At the end of the letter –

And I’m not going to have you working – at least for a few months and then if you want to you can. But not immediately. You’re going to rest while you have the opportunity. And don’t forget that.

For a minute there our roles were reversed. I was going to take care of my mother for a change. I was taking over – giving the orders, making the decisions. I found an apartment in Beverly Hills – 275 South Reeves Drive, just two and a half blocks from Charlie’s office. Four rooms furnished with a private entrance, for $65 a month. That set-up would never have existed in New York for twice the price. Until I got a car, which I could not exist without, I could easily walk to the office and around Beverly Hills. It was ideal. More space than Mother and I had ever had.

Howard had told me that he intended to wait for just the right part for my introduction to movies. He expected me to work on my voice. And he unfolded more stories about what his approach was with actresses – with Carole Lombard in Twentieth Century . She didn’t know how to react to John Barrymore in one scene: Howard asked her how she herself would behave, she told him very differently from the script – she’d kick him, scream at him. Howard said, ‘Okay, do that.’ She did and it worked. Howard always knew how to handle women in movies. That’s how he told it, and I suppose it was largely true – the results proved it. As time went on I realized he too had quite a fantasy life. Either consciously or unconsciously, he wanted to be a Svengali, and he was that to me at the beginning.

I hung on his every word. I was afraid of him – he seemed to have no highs or lows, but I would not have wanted to see him lose his temper. And he was so sure of himself. He had decided there would be no interviews. No press at all for a while, and I shouldn’t be seen too much by people in the business. He thought my first name should be changed and he’d work on that.

I ran to Charlie constantly, telling him things Howard had told me, and if I had any questions, I asked him. I thought he was the nicest, most generous man I had ever met. He arranged for me to have driving lessons, said he’d help get me a car when I was ready. He sent the railroad tickets to Mother. He would take no commission from me until I made a lot of money, so I never signed an agent’s contract with him. But he did own half my contract with Howard.

I moved into Reeves Drive a few days before Mother was to arrive. I wanted to have everything in perfect order for her – food in, clothes in closets and drawers. I was so excited with the apartment – it was so clean, everything was so clean – the food was so fresh and so beautiful to look at – oranges, lemons, and grapefruit hanging from trees. So that’s how they grew. Fantastic! The markets were so big and beautiful. Mother would never believe that people lived all year around in a place like this. It was like being on a lifetime holiday.

At the station when I saw her I screamed out, ‘Mommy!’ – rushed to her and hugged her, kissed her, squeezed her. How much I had missed her – life was so much better when she was with me. Droopy remembered me – jumped up and licked me. I had so much to tell Mother. ‘Wait till you see what it’s like – it’s all so beautiful – and sunny and blue sky. You’ll love it.’ I rattled on and on. She was happy, of course, but much less hysterical than I, much less given to extremes. We headed for our new home, with me pointing out places of interest as we went, stopping at last on that lovely tree-lined street with the white stucco buildings and red tiled roofs. She breathed in – made a sound of ‘Oh, it’s lovely’ – and I led her up the stairs to our little nest. We had a lot to catch up on. Did life change so quickly and completely in five weeks? Yes, my dear – it changed so quickly and completely in five minutes.