Джоэль Харрис - Uncle Remus and Brer Rabbit

“An when he come out, all de wool drap’t out, ’cep’ de bunch you see on his neck, an’ de leetle bit you’ll fin’ on de een’ er his tail—an’ dat’d ’a’ come off ef de tail hadn’t ’a’ slipped thoo de bung-hole er de barrel.” With that, Uncle Remus closed his eyes, but not so tightly that he couldn’t watch the little boy. For a moment the child said nothing, and then, “I must tell that tale to mother before I forget it!” So saying, he ran out of the cabin as fast as his feet could carry him, leaving Uncle Remus shaking with laughter.

Oh, once ’pon a time, all de creeturs, all de creeturs, Tuck a notion dat dey’d build a house, An’ fix it so ez ter keep out de skeeters, An’ fix it up nix cummy rous! Dey all wuz dar fum de B’ar ter de Possum, Brer Wolf, Brer Fox, Brer Coon, Wid ol’ Brer Rabbit fer ter stan’ ’roun’ an’ boss um, Kaze dey hatter have de’ house right soon.

Brer Rabbit, he wuz busy, oh, yes, mighty busy, Not doin’ uv a blessed thing; Ef he clim’ de scaffle, he say he’ll git dizzy, So he medjur an’ mark an’ sing. Dey buil’ de house, an’ it sho wuz a fine un, Made er poplar, oak an’ pine; De littlest room wuz a sev’m-by-nine un, Whar de sick could go an’ whine!

Brer Rabbit, he wait, an’ when de time come He choosened a upsta’s room, An’ dar he sot (ef I kin make de rhyme come) A-singin’ “Hark fum de Toom”! An’ den he got what he aint had oughter, Ez all de creeturs said, A gun, a cannon, an’ a tub er water, An’ hid um under his bed!

When de creeturs come home, Brer Rabbit wuz ready, An’ he tell um he gwineter set down; “Well, set,” sez dey, “an’ we’ll try ter be ste’dy,” An’ wid dat, Brer Rabbit kinder frown; Bang-bang! went de gun—de barrels wuz double— An’ de creeturs wuz still ez mice; Brer B’ar he say, “Dy must be some trouble, But I hope heedon’t loosen de j’is!”

Brer Rabbit, he say, “Wharbouts mus’ I spit at?” An’ Brer Wolf answer, wid a grin, “Des wharsomever you kin make it hit at!” Brer Fox, he rub his chin; Brer Rabbit, he tuck de tub er water, An’ empty it all on de sta’rs, An’ it come nigh drownin’ Brer Coon’s daughter. An’ likewise one er Brer B’ar’s!

Brer Rabbit say, “When I sneeze I’ll skeer you, An’ I hate fer ter have it ter do!” Brer Fox say, “We’ll lissen an’ hear you Des go right ahead wid yo’ sneeze-a-ma-roo!” Boom-a-lam! went de cannon, an’ de creeturs, dey lit out Thoo window-sash an’ do’ Any way, any way dat dey kin git oot, An’ dey aint come dar no mo’!

Oh, what’s de matter wid de Whipperwill, Dat she sets an’ cries on de furder hill? An’ what’s de matter wid Miss Bob White, Dat she choke herse’f wid sayin’ Good-night? You know mighty well dat sump’n is wrong When dey sets an’ sings dat kinder song, ’Twix’ a call an’ a cry, ’twix’ a weep an’ a wail— Dey must be tellin’ a mighty sad tale.

Miss Whipperwill’s troubles, an’ what she say Will do fer ter tell some yuther day; But Miss Bob White—my! aint she a sight?— I’ll hatter tell why she hollers Good-night. Dey once wuz a time (needer mo’ ner less) When she ain’t try ter hide ner kivver her nes’; She built it in de open, whar all kin see, An’ wuz des ez perlite ez she kin be.

She’d make her house facin’ eas’ an’ wes’, An’ den wid eggs she’d fill her nes’; Fer ter keep um warm she’d brood an’ set, An’ keep her house fum gittin’ wet. Whiles dis gwine on, Brer Rabbit come by, A-wigglin’ his mouf, an’ a-blinkin’ his eye: “De top er de mornin’, Miss Bob,” sezee; “De same ter you, Brer Rabbit,” se’ she.

Sez ol’ Brer Rabbit, “I been missin’ you long, I wuz mighty fear’d dat sump’n wuz wrong, But here you set ez still ez a mouse, Not doin’ nothin’ but keepin’ house!” “Oh, well,” se’ she, “I’m too ol’ ter gad, I use’ ter do it, but I wish I never had! De only thing I want is ter wash my dress, But I can’t do dat whiles I’m on my nes’.”

Brer Rabbit, he say, “Can’t I he’p you out? I ain’t doin’ nothin’ but walkin’ about, An’ my ol’ ’oman is willin’ fer ter bet Dat ef settin ’s de thing, I’m ol’ man Set!” “I know mighty well,” sez Miss Bob White, “Ef you set a-tall, it’ll be done right.” “Thanky-do, Miss Bob! Go wash yo’ dress, An’ I’ll do what I kin fer ter kivver yo’ nes’!”

So off she put, wid a flutter an’ a flirt, An’ washed her dress in a pile er clean dirt; Brer Rabbit see de eggs, an’ shuck his head; His mouf ’gun ter dribble, an’ his eye turn red; Sezee, “It’d sholy be hard fer ter match um, So I’ll des take um home an’ try fer ter hatch um!” So said, so done! An’ den when he come back, He come in a gait ’twix’ a lope an’ a rack.

An’ Miss Bob White, atter washin’ her dress, Went a-runnin’ back ter house an’ nes’; “Much erbleege, Brer Rabbit,” an’ den she bowed. “Say nothin’, ma’am, fer ter make me proud, Kaze I been a-waitin’ here, frettin’ an’ sweatin’, Fer fear I ain’t sech a good han’ at settin’; My ol’ ’oman say I got a slow fever, An’ I ’clar’ ter goodness, I’m ready ter b’lieve her!

“I felt sump’n move, I hear’ sump’n run, An’ de eggs done gone—dey ain’t na’er one! I sho is seed sights, I done hear folks talk— But never befo’ is I seed eggs walk!” “My goodness, me!” sez Miss Bob White, A-peepin’ in de nes’, “You sho is right!” An’ y’ever sence den, when darkness falls, She gives de lost chillun her Good-night calls! An’ y’ever sence den, when darkness falls, She gives de lost chillun her Good-night calls!