Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl. The Opal Deception

Holly clamped the shuttle to a rocky outcrop on the chute wall. ‘Are you backing out, Mulch? Or is this just the usual moaning?’

The dwarf rotated his jaws, warming them up for the work ahead. ‘I think I’m entitled to a little moan. Why do these plans always involve me putting myself in harm’s way while you three get to wait it out in the shuttle?’

Artemis handed him a cooler sack from the galley. ‘Because you are the only one who can do this, Mulch. You alone can foil Koboi’s plan.’

Mulch was not impressed. ‘I’m not impressed,’ he said.

‘I better get a medal for this. Real gold too. No more gold-plated computer disks.’

Holly hustled him to the starboard hatch. ‘Mulch, if they don’t lock me in prison for the rest of my life, I will start the campaign to give you the biggest medal in the LEP cabinet.’

‘And amnesty for any past and future crimes?’

Holly opened the hatch. ‘Past, maybe. Future, not a chance. But no guarantees.

I’m not exactly flavour of the month at Police Plaza.’

Mulch tucked the sack inside his shirt. ‘OK. Possible big medal and probable amnesty. I’ll take it.’ He put one foot outside on to the flat surface of the rock. Tunnel wind sucked at his leg, threatening to tumble him into the abyss. ‘We meet back here in twenty minutes.’

Artemis handed the dwarf a small walkie-talkie from the LEP locker. ‘Remember the plan,’ Artemis shouted over the roar of the wind. ‘Don’t forget to leave the communicator. Only steal what you are supposed to. Nothing else.’

‘Nothing else,’ echoed Mulch, looking none too pleased. After all, who knew what valuables Opal might have lying about up there. ‘Unless something really jumps out at me.’

‘Nothing,’ insisted Artemis. ‘Now, are you sure you can get in?’

Mulch’s grin revealed rows of rectangular teeth. ‘I can get in. You just make sure their power is off and they’re looking the other way.’

Butler hefted the bag of tricks he had brought with him from Fowl Manor. ‘Don’t worry, Mulch. They’ll be looking the other way. I guarantee it.’

POLICE PLAZA, THE LOWER ELEMENTS

All the brass were in the operations room, watching live television updates on the probe’s progress when Foaly burst in.

‘We need to talk,’ blurted the centaur to the general assembly.

‘Quiet,’ hissed Council Chairman Cahartez. ‘Have a bowl of curry.’

Chairman Cahartez ran a fleet of curry vans in Haven City. Vole curry was his speciality. Obviously, he was doing the catering for this little viewing session.

Foaly ignored the buffet table. He snatched a remote control from a chair armrest, muting the master volume.

‘We have big trouble, ladies and gentlemen. Opal Koboi is loose and I think she’s behind the Zito probe.’

A high-backed swivel chair swung round. Ark Sool was lounging in it.

‘Opal Koboi? Amazing. And she’s doing all this psychically, I suppose.’

‘No. What are you doing in that chair? That’s the commander’s chair. The real commander, not Internal Affairs.’

Sool tapped the golden acorns on his lapel. ‘I’ve been promoted.’

Foaly blanched. ‘You’re the new Recon commander.’

Sool’s smile could have illuminated a dark room. ‘Yes. The Council felt that Recon has been getting a bit out of hand lately. They felt — and I must say I agree — that Recon needs a firm hand. Of course, I will stay on at Internal Affairs until a suitable replacement can be found.’

Foaly scowled. There was no time for this. Not now. He had to get clearance for a supersonic launch immediately.

‘OK, Sool, Commander. I can lodge my objection later. Right now we have an emergency on our hands.’

Everyone was listening now. But none with much enthusiasm except Wing Commander Vinyaya, who had always been a staunch supporter of Julius Root and would certainly have not voted for Sool. Vinyaya was all ears. ‘What’s the emergency, Foaly?’ she asked.

Foaly slipped a computer disk into the room’s multi-drive. ‘That thing in the

Argon Clinic is not Opal Koboi, it’s a clone.’

‘Evidence?’ demanded Sool.

Foaly highlighted a window on the screen. ‘I scanned her retinas and found that the last image the clone saw was Opal Koboi herself. Obviously during her escape.’

Sool was not convinced. ‘I’ve never trusted your gadgets, Foaly. Your Retimager is not accepted as actual evidence in a courtroom.’

‘We’re not in a courtroom, Sool,’ said Foaly through clenched teeth. ‘If we accept that Opal could be loose, then the events of the past twenty-four hours take on a whole new significance. A pattern begins to emerge. Scalene is dead, pixies are missing from the clinic, Julius is murdered and Holly blamed. Then, within hours of this, a probe is sent down, decades ahead of schedule. Koboi is behind all of this. That probe is on its way here and we’re sitting around watching it on PPTV… Eating stinking vole curry!’

‘I object to the disparaging curry remark,’ said Cahartez, wounded. ‘But otherwise I take your point.’

Sool jumped from his chair. ‘What point? Foaly is joining dots that don’t exist. All he is trying to do is exonerate his late friend, Captain Short,’

‘Holly may be alive!’ snapped Foaly. ‘And trying to do something about Opal Koboi.’

Sool rolled his eyes. ‘But her vitals flatlined, centaur. We remote-destroyed her helmet. I was there, remember.’

A head poked into the room, one of Foaly’s lab apprentices.

‘I got that case, sir,’ he panted. ‘Quick as I could.’

‘Well done, Roob,’ said Foaly, snatching the case from the apprentice’s hand. He spun the case around. ‘I issued Holly and Julius with new suits. Prototypes. They both have bio-sensors and trackers. They are not linked with the LEP mainframe. I never thought to check them earlier. Holly’s helmet may be out of action, but her suit is still functioning.’

‘What do the suit’s sensors tell us, Foaly?’ asked Vinyaya.

Foaly was almost afraid to look. If the suit sensors were flatlining, it would be like losing Holly again. He counted to three, then consulted the small screen in the case.

There were two readouts on the screen. One was flat. Julius. But the other was active in all areas.

‘Holly is alive!’ shouted the centaur, kissing Commander Vinyaya soundly on the cheek. ‘Alive and reasonably well, apart from elevated blood pressure and next to zero magic in her tank.’

‘And where is she?’ asked Vinyaya, smiling.

Foaly enlarged the locator section of the screen. ‘On her way up E7, in the shuttle that was stolen by Mulch Diggums, if I’m not much mistaken.’

Sool was delighted. ‘Let me get this straight. Murder suspect Holly Short is in a stolen chute next to the Zito probe.’

‘That’s right.’

‘That would make her the prime suspect in any irregularities concerning the probe.’

Foaly was very tempted to actually trample Sool, but he held his temper in check for Holly’s sake. ‘All I’m asking, Sool, is that you give me a green light to send the supersonic shuttle to investigate. If I’m right, then your first act as Commander will be to avert a calamity.’

‘And if you’re wrong? Which you probably are.’

‘If I’m wrong, then you get to bring in public enemy number one, Captain Holly Short.’

Sool stroked his goatee. It was a win — win situation. ‘Very well. Send the shuttle. How long will it take to prep?’

Foaly pulled a phone from his pocket, hitting a number on the speed-dial.

‘Major Kelp,’ he said into the mouthpiece. ‘Green light. Go.’ Foaly smiled at Ark Sool. ‘I briefed Major Kelp on my way over. I felt sure you’d see it my way. Commanders generally do.’