Roger Ellis - AK-239

I pull my iPhone 7 out again and say,

“It’s working but no cell service.”

“They can’t jam the entire mountain. If we can get up higher on Bokan you might have cell service,” says Jennifer. “See if you can get hold of some of their communications or at least a first aid kit.” Jennifer looks to the sunken boats.

“They sunk mine!”

Not showing any sign of worry I say,

“Stay here. I’ll see if I can find you a big bottle of hydrogen peroxide.”

Jennifer, “Okay, but I have dinner plans tonight.”

“Of course you do, darling, as soon as I take care of Boris and Boris, I’m takin’ you out!”

I went running off into the woods like a chicken with my head cut off thinking,

I can’t let this woman die!

Oh God, please don’t let her die!

Moscow TV-12 Studio

Olga Kasparov’s Diary

Christmas Eve

I adjusted my blouse as I sat in front of the most powerful man in my country, President Ivan Mironovich. Several people from makeup to wardrobe were very attentive to the President while no one paid any attention to me.

“Thirty sekund!” yelled the floor director. The makeup and wardrobe people went scrambling off camera.

During our darkest days under the iron fisted rule of the old Soviet Union I worked for the state controlled newspaper: “Pravda” which is Russian for “Truth.”

The joke among dissidents at that time was:

There is no Pravda in Pravda!

It was probably twenty years before I was finally able to laugh at the joke.

Us, in “the older generation” can remember the days when bread, cigarettes and Vodka were ‘free’ but you’d have to stand in long lines, sometimes for hours and hours, for the “free” stuff.

I was a loyal party member in those days and was glad when those days came to a screeching halt in 1991. Being a die-hard Communist, I was upset at first but eventually came around to see the fall of Communism in Russia was best for almost everyone.

Almost everyone, that is, but the very well connected.

However, even the well-connected today are far wealthier than they ever were prior to 1991.

In those days, communism worked but only for the party faithful, everyone else was in a line.

Here’s another old Soviet joke:

A boy asks:

Mama, where is papa?

Answer: He’s in line for a coupon… to get some coupons.

At least with some capitalism there are many more jobs and no food lines.

The press was much more free. Free until the man I’m sitting with became president.

The young are now romanticizing the good old days, which were never really that good.

The reason, in part, for the romanticization is because of our government run school system. It makes the USSR sound so much better in a colorful book.

Also, there are many, many government agencies that have been created to “inform” and “educate” the Russian people.

This used to be called propaganda but now it’s called “communication.”

My favorite government agency:

“The Ministry of Communications and Mass Media.”

Older folks, like me, not closely connected to the old Communist Party knew better than to believe in most government “communication.”

“Five seconds,” the floor director yelled. “Four, three…”

I pause, focus and take a deep breath, while waiting for the little red light,

“Good evening and welcome to Russia Tonight. I’m Olga Kasparov and first I wish each and every person a very happy Christmas. With me tonight is a very special guest, the President, Ivan Mironovich. Thank you so much for taking time to speak with your fellow countrymen.”

“No problem. Glad to be here, Ms. Kasparov,” replied the very well dressed president.

I tried flirting a little:

“Please call me Olga!”

That did not go over as well as I hoped.

Ivan just stares at me as if: Just read the questions I gave your boss!

I uncomfortably look to the teleprompter understanding exactly Ivan’s unspoken words.

We Russians are used to an entire subtext of thought and communication that is far more important than the spoken or written word.

Subtext.

It’s all subtext.

“So do you believe the Americans are in any way a threat to Russia?” I read word for word.

The smooth talking president goes right into his dance,

“Not militarily, of course, Olga. We could wipe out NATO’s military in Eastern Europe in ten minutes. But we are increasing our patrols around any U.S. vessel or aircraft near our shores. We don’t want confrontation but we are fully prepared to defend our lands!”

But President Mironovich: Aren’t the Americans just reacting to our placing of ships and planes very close to NATO forces? This was the question I desperately want to ask but I didn’t want to end up like some of my colleagues:

Jailed or murdered!

So I didn’t ask the question.

The heavy hand of government had returned to Russia. But a few friends, more courageous than I, still question the absolute authoritarianism of crazy Ivan’s new Russia.

However, today, I wasn’t about to be one of them.

I quickly return to my script provided by my boss,

“Mr. President, are we doing all we can to counter these maneuvers by NATO and America?”

“Of course our brave boys will counter any aggressive moves by the West. I fear it’s only a matter of time before someone, either intentionally or accidentally, fires something at us in which case we will have no choice but to defend ourselves. And then there’s no telling where that could lead, Olga.”

I’ve become a puppet of the state. TV-12 is owned by the Russian government, which means President Mironovich was asking and answering his own preplanned script.

I was nothing more than window dressing.

Nothing would be broadcast over the air that now wasn’t directly approved by the crazy little man himself. A modern day Stalin or Lenin seems to be where we’re heading with this man.

The president continued, “We want to be friends with NATO and America and find it puzzling that they would provocatively place military assets so close to our lands. We are the largest country in the world and want peace but if someone attacks us, like they did in World War II, then we will defend ourselves and prevail!”

I pretend to be pleased with this, “I’m sure our listeners will be happy to know you have spent so much time working to protect the people of Russia from NATO and American aggression.”

“The people of our great civilization must now prepare for the worst. You must now stock up on food and water and prepare for maybe not having electricity or heat. I shall meet with NATO and the Americans to head off any possible conflict. But rest assured if they want to attack us we shall defend our people.”

Chills went up and then back down my spine. Is this madman trying to provoke a war?

Bokan Mountain, Alaska

Christmas Eve

It was dusk and it was only 4:00 p.m.! The days are short and the nights are long and cold in an Alaskan winter.

I ran back to Jennifer with the only thing I could quickly find:

Ferns.

I hope she’s still alive.

As I peek into the log, I’m met face to face with her Glock.

Yep, she’s alive.

“Probably won’t fire anyway,” I joke.

“Let’s play Russian roulette and find out?” says Jennifer.

“Russian roulette with a Glock? That I want to see.”

I now realize she’s covered herself with moss and all of her clothes are neatly folded nearby.

“Me Tarzan, you Jennifer?” I joke.

She’s not amused.

“No? Doesn’t work for you?” I say.