Алекс Баркли - I Confess

‘This is for you, lovely lady,’ he said. ‘In your honour. And you had lots of it. And you should be proud of yourself. And you died honourably. And kindly. And here we are — myself and Helen. And life is fucked up beyond measure and beautiful too and I’m quite pissed now, in fairness. I miss the fuck out of you. We’d barely seen each other in years — once or twice a year, tops — and after one night, you’ve made me miss you this much. It must be weird being up there with no one to fight with about telling the truth because you’re with the angels.’ He took a drink. ‘So, Laura, this is for you... have I said that already? Have I mentioned the sponsored walk I’m going to organize in your honour? The Laura Hurley Memorial Walk... of Shame. Wear whatever you were wearing last night but with a slick of deodorant from the opposite sex.’ He smiled. ‘Come on... it’s me.’

He turned to go back inside, then paused. He looked up at the stars.

‘Are any of ye the lucky ones? Or are you just the boring ones? I’d like to speak to the lucky ones. It’s about Helen Maguire.’ He swayed back on his heels. ‘Right,’ he said. raising his glass. ‘Lucky stars — thanks, in fairness. You finally kicked in.’ He let out a breath. ‘Love,’ he said. ‘You can’t outrun the fucker.’

30 July 1983

The Night of the Rape

Helen stood mopping the kitchen floor. There was a loud knock on the back door. She jumped, and looked up to see her mother standing there — her expression a mix of anger and fear. Helen went over and unlocked the door.

‘Why was that locked?’ said her mother. ‘Why are you mopping the floor at this time of night?’

‘I spilled something,’ said Helen.

‘Something terrible’s happened next door,’ said her mother. ‘Where’s Miriam?’

Miriam stood, wide-eyed, at the window of the Maguires’ guest bedroom, looking at the scene unfolding outside.

‘I don’t know what’s going on!’ she said. ‘Jessie Crossan’s gone off in the ambulance with her dad! And your dad’s inside in their house.’

‘I have to get out of here,’ said Johnny, squeezing in beside her, reaching past her to push the window open.

‘Are you mad?’ said Miriam. ‘Your dad’s right outside! He’s talking to Edward Kerr. They look shook.’

Dr Weston leaned in to Edward. ‘Never.’ He shook his head. ‘In all my years...’ He let out a breath. ‘It’s a miracle she’s alive.’ He raised his head. ‘And he’s not long gone, by my reckoning.’ He paused. ‘Look — between ourselves, there was a docket on the floor of the bedroom... it’s from one of Vin Brogan’s boats.’

Edward’s eyes widened. Dr Weston nodded.

‘What did you do with it?’ said Edward.

Dr Weston patted his brown leather bag. ‘You might want to have a word with Vin — I don’t know what crew he’s got on at the moment. But there’s no way a man who’s done what he’s done to that child... there’s no way he could have gone near town to get back on that boat... if it is one of the crew.’ He pointed to his left. ‘And he won’t have gone that way — it’s blocked off for whatever’s going on in the morning. So unless the man’s hiding away in a house somewhere, he’s gone west.’

Edward nodded, then walked down the path, got into his car, and started the engine. He did a U-turn and drove down to the end of the back road, the last bend taking him down the short narrow lane on to Main Street.

The sound of the band and the cheering crowd on the square drifted through the open window, the pulse of the bass throbbing beneath it. He took the right-hand turn that curved around the playground and drove to the outskirts of town and up to the Brogans’ house. When he got to the top of their steep driveway, he glanced up and saw a light glowing in the front bedroom.

Clare, Edie, and Laura were sitting on the floor at the foot of Clare’s bed, playing the Game of Life, surrounded by sweets, and crisps, and drinks.

‘It’s my go,’ said Clare.

‘Oh,’ said Edie. ‘Sorry.’ She handed her the dice.

Clare rolled them. ‘Six and six!’

There was the sound of a horn beeping outside. Clare jumped up and went to the window.

‘Oh, no! It’s your dad,’ she said, turning to Edie.

‘What?’ said Edie. ‘No! I hope I don’t have to go home.’ She got up and went to the window. ‘What if he found we didn’t invite Jessie. That would make him so cross.’

Clare levelled her with a look. ‘It’s my house. So, it’s not your fault. And why would he care?’

‘He doesn’t like people being excluded,’ said Edie. ‘He has this thing about it.’

‘And we all know,’ said Clare, ‘if Jessie was here, we’d all be lined up on the bed having to watch her do all her “routines”.’

Edie glanced over at Laura. Laura was looking at Clare.

‘She would!’ said Clare when they didn’t respond. ‘She’s obsessed.’

‘And why didn’t you invite Helen?’ said Edie.

‘I wanted Helen to come,’ said Clare, pointing towards Laura.

‘Because Miriam needed the babysitting money,’ said Laura. ‘She heard us going on about tonight, and she came in after and said she’d beat the head off me if I ruined Regatta Saturday for her.’

‘Would she not want to be out tonight?’ said Edie.

‘She says she’s broke,’ said Laura.

Clare gave them a patient look. ‘She’s obviously got some fella coming over to the house.’

Laura shot out a laugh. ‘God help him.’

Edie was back looking out the window. She turned to Clare. ‘Oh! Your dad’s heading off in the car with my dad.’

‘“And that was the Eleven O’Clock News with Edie Kerr”,’ said Clare.

Vin Brogan sat in the passenger seat of Edward’s car. They left the lights of town behind them as they drove the dark and winding road west. As they approached the convent, they saw headlights on the opposite side of the road.

‘Who’s that?’ said Vin. ‘Slow down, slow down.’

Edward slowed, squinting through the windscreen at a man running down the hill from a parked van. ‘It’s Jerry Murphy.’

They drove up towards him, pulled in, and flashed the lights. Jerry changed course and came up alongside them.

‘Jerry,’ said Edward. ‘Have you been out long?’

‘That dog,’ said Jerry, pointing back. ‘I swear to God—’

‘Have you seen anything, anyone unusual out this way?’ said Edward.

Jerry lowered his head and leaned in the window. ‘Vin! I’ve got that letter in the van for you.’ He glanced at Edward. ‘Jesus — you’re looking fierce serious, the pair of you.’

‘Jessie Crossan’s been found — destroyed altogether,’ said Vin. ‘Raped in her bed. She’s on her way to Bantry in the ambulance—’

‘Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,’ said Jerry, blessing himself. ‘Liam and I were out in the van looking for the dog. Liam said he spotted him shooting out after a fella on a bike, heading up the side road to the convent.’

‘Hop in,’ said Vin. ‘Will Liam be all right on his own in the van?’

‘He will, of course,’ said Jerry.

Edward drove past the van and did a U-turn, pulling up next to it it.

‘Liam!’ said Jerry.

Murph climbed over to the driver’s side, and leaned out. ‘How’s it goin’, lads?’

‘Liam,’ said Jerry, his elbow out the window, ‘open the glove box, there, and hand me out that letter for Vin. Good man. Now, will you be all right here for a minute? I’ll go on away up for Rosco with the lads, and I’ll be back to you.’

‘Sure, I’ll come with you!’ said Murph.

‘You’re fine out,’ said Jerry. ‘We’ll be two ticks.’