Алекс Баркли - I Confess

‘I know,’ said Edie. ‘I remember being so conscious that he knew we wanted to be friends with him, not just because he saved us, but because...’ She paused. ‘Well, we never gave him a chance, did we?’

‘But we weren’t mean to him, either,’ said Clare.

‘I suppose so,’ said Edie.

‘And all he had to do to gain one life was to save four,’ said Clare.

‘Poor Jess,’ said Edie.

‘Poor Murph, more to the point.’

They arrived at the back door of the inn. Edie turned the latch and they walked into the boot room.

Clare inhaled. ‘Love that smell. So... laundry room to the left and...?’

‘Miscellaneous to the right,’ said Edie. She walked down the hallway and glanced back. ‘What do you mean “poor Murph”?’ She stopped. ‘But — he knows no one thinks it’s his fault.’

‘Well, of course everyone says that,’ said Clare. ‘And most people believe it. But Murph never will.’

‘But all the rest of us made it out alive,’ said Edie.

Clare shot her a glance. ‘Like two out of three ain’t bad?’

‘No,’ said Edie, irritated. ‘Just—’

‘I’m kidding,’ said Clare. ‘Look, you can understand that’s going to stay with him. It’s Murph, for God’s sake!’

‘I know,’ said Edie, ‘but—’

‘Enough!’ said Clare. ‘Take me to the library.’

Laura stood outside in the smoking area, her shoulders up to her ears, squinting as she took a drag on her cigarette. She saw Johnny walking by, his head down, holding the hood of his rain jacket closed under his chin, the wind inflating it.

She shouted over. ‘You look like you’re walking to school.’

Johnny stopped. ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘What are you doing out here?’

‘Jesus, I don’t know...’

He laughed, and came over. He pointed to her cigarettes. ‘Can I rob one?’

‘Yes, you bollocks.’

‘What’s that for?’

‘Your crack earlier. About the kids being Frank’s.’

‘Relax,’ he said. ‘It was a joke.’

‘It doesn’t mean it wasn’t ignorant.’

‘You’re such a cranky bitch.’

Laura rolled her eyes.

‘How are you, anyway?’ he said. ‘You’re looking great.’

‘I look like shite. I’m wrecked.’

‘No, you don’t.’ He held eye contact with her.

‘Stop that,’ she said.

‘Stop what?’ He smiled.

‘That’s how it always started.’ She turned away and blew out a straight line of smoke.

Johnny laughed.

‘How are you doing?’ said Laura. ‘You look a bit... under pressure.’

‘No, no. Just a lot going on.’

‘The place is fabulous. I’ve driven by enough times. And I had a good gawk at it online. Lovely royal engagement photo of you and Edie. “About us”.’

‘Livin’ the dream.’

‘Is it massive work?’

Johnny shook his head. ‘Unfuckingreal. We had no idea.’

‘Myself and Frank got a kitchen extension and it was nearly the end of us.’

‘Multiply that by a million. We were arguing over a door knob at one stage.’

‘And is it doing well for ye?’

‘Ah, you have to take a hit the first few years. But I may have made a couple of miscalculations. Things like being closed from November to February. You know yourself — the business is just not there. But other than that, we’re getting the bookings, the reviews are great... apart from the shite ones. People are coming back. When the spa’s done and the lap pool’s in, and the chapel turns into whatever we actually agree on, that’ll make a big difference.’

‘So, go on — tell us,’ said Laura. ‘Who wrote the bad reviews?’

Johnny’s head jerked towards her.

‘I knew it!’ she said. ‘I knew you knew something.’

Johnny shook his head. ‘No... it wasn’t anyone. I don’t know who it was.’

Laura nodded. ‘You’re a shit liar.’ She took a drag off her cigarette. ‘I’ll get it out of you before the night’s out.’

Johnny gave her a resigned look.

‘It’s someone local,’ said Laura. ‘Does someone have it in for you?’

Johnny raised an eyebrow.

‘Are you serious?’ said Laura. ‘I was only joking.’

‘Don’t say anything to Edie.’

‘Sure, I don’t know anything! Tell me! Who am I going to tell?’

Johnny glanced at her. ‘No...’

‘It’s someone I know,’ said Laura. ‘Is it?’

‘You’re such a pain in the hole.’ He paused. ‘Kind of.’

‘You have to tell me now.’

‘It’s a weird one,’ said Johnny. ‘So not a word to anyone. Because that would be a serious shitshow.’ He tilted his head to the right. ‘The Jameses.’

‘Next door?’ said Laura. ‘Fuck off.’

‘Seriously.’

‘There’s no way—’

‘Well — I got it traced and it was their IP address.’

‘That can’t be right.’

‘I know.’ He shrugged.

‘But who would it be?’ said Laura. ‘It’s hardly Val, and she a guard. No way.’

‘Mam’s well in with her — she’d have a lot of respect for her.’ She paused. ‘And it wouldn’t be Seán. He’s a dote. Who’s left? The kids? How old are they?’

‘The youngest girls are whatever age — still having bouncy castles for their birthdays,’ said Johnny. There’s a son, Cian, he’s sixteen, but he’s harmless. And the eldest is Mally — she’s nineteen. But she’s Dylan’s best bud. I’m trying to figure out if she hates us more than she loves Dylan.’ He paused. ‘Well, not “us” — me.’

‘Why does she hate you?’ said Laura. ‘I mean, does she know who you are?’

Johnny rolled his eyes. ‘Sadly, she does — a fat dad who fights with her best friend and “doesn’t understand him”.’

‘Still, though — a review like that would be a bit extreme. Like, she’s nineteen. She’d want to have a bit of cop on at that age.’

‘What — like us?’ said Johnny.

Laura smiled. ‘Seriously, I don’t know what to make of that.’

‘Me neither,’ said Johnny.

‘What are you going to do? Does Edie know?’

‘She does not,’ said Johnny. ‘Are you mad? She’d have a meltdown. So don’t say a word.’

‘Of course I won’t. Jesus.’

Johnny took another drag off his cigarette. ‘I wasn’t smoking, either.’

Laura took a packet of Silvermints out of her pocket, broke them in half, and handed them to him. He laughed.

‘What’s so funny?’ said Laura.

‘Nothing. Just you.’ He put them in his pocket, put his arm around her, and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She patted his hand.

‘Where were you off to, anyway?’ said Laura. ‘You looked like you were on a mission.’

She looked up at him. They locked eyes. Laura’s flickered briefly wider.

‘Right,’ said Johnny. ‘You’ve got your drink, you’ve got your cigarettes — is there anything else?’

Laura opened her arms wide.

‘Aw,’ said Johnny. He smiled and gave her a brief hug. She watched him walk away, then flicked the end of her cigarette through the dark like a little red meteor.

Clare and Edie sat in the library — Edie on the sofa, Clare in the window seat.

‘You look very elegant,’ said Edie, getting up to grab a box of matches from a shelf by the fire. Clare turned back to the window and looked through her reflection into the black night.

Edie lit two red taper candles on the mantelpiece. ‘That’s better.’

‘It is,’ said Clare, without turning around.

‘Will you be all right here for a little while?’ said Edie, turning towards her. ‘I need to go down and behave like a hostess.’

‘You’re being the perfect hostess.’

‘Abandoning everyone.’

‘Stop,’ said Clare. ‘You were bringing one of your best friends to the beautiful suite you clearly spent a lot of time preparing especially. You’ve taken me to my favourite spot, and, don’t forget, everyone is dying to have a gawk about the place. And what’s the alternative? A group tour? I have no doubt we’ll all find our way back to the bar in no time.’