Юхан Теорин - The Asylum

Nothing . Nothing would happen, apart from the fact that he would stagger home alone and feel terrible tomorrow morning. In a way you have to admire people who just get pissed and don’t give a toss about the consequences; Jan has never been able to do that. He stays in control and is never going to end up unconscious in a swimming pool, like a rock star. Or in a psychiatric unit, like Rami.

The thought of her makes him glance around the bar, wondering about the clientele. He remembers what else Lilian said about Bill’s Bar: There are usually a few people from St Patricia’s there too . Security guards and nurses, he assumes.

Jan takes another sip of his beer. He can smell perfume in the air, and suddenly realizes he is standing between two women in their mid-twenties.

Tall and attractive. Time to act like a grown-up, but he feels like a boy.

The one on the right smells of rose petals. She is wearing a black sweater, she has long brown hair and is drinking something bright yellow. Their eyes meet, but she quickly looks away.

The one on the left has drenched herself in a mandarin-scented perfume; she is wearing a yellow top and a shiny gold jacket. A golden girl. She has green eyes and is drinking perry; Jan glances sideways at her and she actually smiles at him. Why is she doing that?

She doesn’t look away, so he leans over and shouts, ‘This is my first time here!’

‘What?’ she shouts back.

Jan leans a little closer. ‘My first time here!’

‘At Bill’s?’ she asks. ‘Or in town?’

‘Both, really. I moved here a few days ago. I don’t know anybody...’

‘You soon will!’ she yells. ‘You’re going to have a brilliant time here! Loads of surprises!’

‘Really?’

‘Absolutely, I can always tell that kind of thing... Good luck!’

With that she turns and disappears into the crowd, like a deer in the forest.

So that was that. A short conversation, and as usual Jan found it difficult to make small-talk with a stranger, but he feels better now. People in here are friendly.

Carry on making contact , an inner voice encourages him. He gets another beer and moves away from the music.

Most tables are fully occupied. There is no room for him to join a group. He sits down at a free table on his own, drinking his beer and staring into space.

Congratulations, your new life starts here . But of course he has thought the same thing before. You can change your job and move to a new town, but nothing changes. You are trapped in the same body, the same dross in your blood, the same memories going round and round in your head.

‘Hi Jan!’

A woman is standing in front of him; he looks up, but it takes a few seconds before he recognizes her. It’s Lilian, with a bottle of beer in her hand.

At the Dell she has looked tired and worn over the past few days, but now there is a fresh energy about her. She is wearing a black, low-cut top and her heavily made-up eyes are shining, perhaps even glittering — that bottle is definitely not her first this evening.

‘Do you like my weekend tattoo?’ she asks, pointing at her cheek.

Jan takes a closer look and sees that Lilian has drawn something: a long, black snake writhing up towards her eye.

‘Definitely.’

‘It’s not dangerous... It’s not poisonous!’

Lilian laughs, her voice slightly hoarse, and sits down uninvited at his table. ‘So you’ve found the best place in town?’ She takes a swig of her beer. ‘That was quick work.’

‘Well, you told me about it,’ says Jan. ‘Are you here on your own?’

Lilian shakes her head. ‘I was with some friends, but they went home when the Bohemos started playing.’ She nods in the direction of the band. ‘Sensitive ears.’

‘Friends from work?’ says Jan.

‘Friends from work — now who would that be?’ Lilian snorts and has another drink. ‘Marie-Louise, maybe?’

‘Does she never come here?’

‘No chance — Marie-Louise stays at home.’

‘Does she have children?’

‘No, just her husband and the dog. But then she’s everybody’s second mum, isn’t she? She’s like a mum to all the kids, and to us. Fantastic... I don’t think she’s ever had a nasty thought in her entire life.’

Jan doesn’t want to give any thought to what other people might think. ‘So what about Andreas, then?’ he says. ‘Does he go out?’

‘Andreas? Not much. He’s got a house and a garden to look after, and a little wife. They’re like a couple of pensioners.’

‘OK,’ says Jan. ‘But Hanna comes here, doesn’t she?’

‘Sometimes.’ Lilian looks down at the table. ‘Hanna’s the one I get on best with at work; you could say she’s my friend.’

There is a brief silence. The music has stopped; the Bohemos seem to have packed up for the night.

‘So Hanna is a good person?’

‘Of course,’ Lilian says quickly. ‘She’s a nice girl. She’s only twenty-six... young and a bit crazy.’

‘What do you mean, a bit crazy?’

‘In all kinds of ways. She might seem quiet and reserved, but she has a very exciting private life.’

‘With different men, you mean?’

Lilian presses her lips together. ‘I don’t gossip.’

‘But she does come here sometimes?’ says Jan. ‘To Bill’s Bar?’

‘She comes with me sometimes, but she prefers the Medina Palace.’

‘The Medina Palace?’

‘The big night club here in town. It’s almost as luxurious as St Patricia’s.’

‘You think St Patricia’s is luxurious?’

‘Absolutely — it’s a luxury hotel.’

Jan looks at her with a blank expression; he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

Lilian quickly goes on: ‘Listen... Every room at St Psycho’s costs four thousand per night. Four thousand kronor! Those who are in there don’t have to pay, of course, but that’s what it costs the taxpayer. Doctors, guards, cameras, medication... it all costs money. The patients don’t know how well off they are.’

‘And you and I work there... next door to the luxury hotel.’

‘We do indeed,’ says Lilian. ‘Let’s drink to that!’

Jan carries on chatting to her for another fifteen minutes or so, then stretches and fakes a little yawn. ‘Time for me to head home, I think.’

‘One last beer?’ says Lilian, with a slow wink.

Jan shakes his head. ‘Not tonight.’

Starting to party now would be a big mistake; he will be taking on extra responsibilities next week. On Thursday he will have a timetabled evening shift at the pre-school; for the first time he will be completely alone with the children.

‘So how are you feeling, Jan?’ asks Marie-Louise. ‘Would you like to tell us?’

‘Of course... but there isn’t much to say, really. I feel fine.’

‘Is that all? No problems fitting in with the team?’

‘No.’ Jan looks around the table at Andreas, Hanna and Lilian. ‘No problems at all.’

‘We’re all very pleased to hear that, Jan.’

Monday’s feelgood meeting for the staff takes place before the children begin to arrive.

This is Jan’s first time. They are all looking at him, the new boy, but he finds it difficult to relax and talk at the same time.

‘This is an important job,’ he says. ‘I’m well aware of that.’

They stop staring, and a few minutes later the feelgood meeting is over. Thank goodness.

Just before story time, Jan finds a sign of life from Alice Rami. Perhaps.

Little Josefine is helping him. She was one of the children who tormented the mouse in the forest, but Jan is trying to forget that incident, along with Leo’s unsettling words about his father. And today Josefine is just like any other little girl: she is playing with a doll when Jan comes to fetch a book.