Mare Moody - [blank]

"Excuse me," she says. She moves around me and walks quickly down the hall. My eyes follow her. Something about her causes me to be transfixed on her apparel and appearance. At the end of the hallway, he walks around the corner. I never thought I'd see his face again. He pulls her into a hug and holds her tightly. He whispers something into her ear and she giggles.

"Brook!" She laughs.

I look at the ground. A smile grows on my face. I am happy for him. I turn and walk out. I walk through the long hallway and out of the front doors. The sun outside has begun to set. The warm it once had over me is quickly vanishing with the blue taking its place. My soul is at peace. I walk along the sidewalk, feeling the Boston breeze hit me. It no longer is bitter but fulfilling. I can get a deep breath and breathe is out.

This burst of satisfaction is so peculiar but I embrace it. I continue to trek through the city until I stand in front of the pharmacy. The same one that I got my pregnancy test at. The dying sun splays light over it. I go inside and journey to the very back. The pharmacy is completely empty but it is still open.

"Do you have a prescription for Ana Henderson?" I ask.

A lady in a white coat turns around and smiles at me. She turns back and fishes through the sea of white paper bags.

"For Dr. Simmons?" She asks.

"Yes," I say quickly.

She reaches up and grabs a bag down. It is stapled shut but I can hear the pills rattling around inside.

"Here you are." She hands it to me then pushes a sheet of paper to me. It has a columns upon columns of words. "Just sign here."

I take her pen and sign my name. I hold the bag in my hand and walk away. This is my first step towards recovery.

Don't take them.

Don't t-

No. Not anymore.

I stand in Tabitha's bathroom. My hand shakes as I open the bag. I pull out the bottle and examine it. 90 tablets are crammed into this tiny orange container. I have medication for schizophrenia with my name on it. It doesn't even seem right. The diagnosis has never really set in and I'm not sure that it ever will. I open the top and take one out, as the bottle instructs. I hold it in my sweaty palm for a moment.

It feels so warm in my hand. I don't want to let it control me. At the same time, I know if I don't let it control me then my thoughts and voices will. It is a decision that is crucial and I have to make it. Not just for me but I'll say it a million times: for my son.

I throw into my throat and swallow. It moves slowly through my esophagus. I lean over the sink, turn it on and take a heavy gulp. The pill travels down my neck until I can't feel it anymore. I know the pills won't have an immediate effect but I just got one pill closer to a normal life.

I sigh, put down the pill bottle and walk to my room. Tomorrow will be an easier day. I am sure of it.

Joseph's wiggles in my arms. Unless he is fully swaddled, he stretches and flails. I chuckle as my little bear moves his shoulders back and forth. I kiss him on the forehead and continue my journey down the stairs.

The door to the outside is wide open and invites the bright afternoon sky into the great room. I walk through the door and met Tabitha on the lawn. She sits on the grass, playing with my adorable goddaughter. Her puffy cheeks get smaller as she grows taller. I want it to stop so that I can forever have a mental image of her stubby legs and and soft hair. I know that this feeling will develop with my son. I bend down and sit next to Tabitha.

She reaches out her hands to take my bundled up baby. I hand him over and watch as my best friend smiles at my gurgling son. A year ago, I couldn't have even imagined my life would come this far. I no longer have the shadow of Kane's demons on my back. I live in the sunshine as the voices slowly fade from my brain. I can't even fathom a better outcome.

I don't know if a prayer will really do much at this point.

Thank you. Despite my neglect, I see you.

I see you.

My thought is interrupted as a taxi abruptly stops in front of us. The yellow reflects the sun and blinds me. I stand up, trying to get a better view of the stranger stepping out. They step out and the taxi speeds off. When the sun settles my heart drops. He walks towards me. Sorrow fills his face. He has been crying.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I want to be more angry than I am but everything in me sings when I see him.

"I need you, Ana," Noah says. Red streaks are imprinted on his face. His eyes are puffy and sore. He walks to me and grabs my hands. I try to look away. I don't want to look away.

"I can't keep pretending that you don't exist," he says, tears mapping down his face. "I love you."

I can't pull my eyes away. My blue eyes have me entranced in the most melodious of fixes. This is not a malicious spell like Kane's was.

"I was in shock and I realize that I may have looked psychopathic but I promise you Ana that I will never hurt you or Joseph. Ever." He is being honest and part of me hates him for being honest because I love him. I look back at Tabitha and her smile radiates.

"I saved you when you needed me most. Stay with me and let me protect you," he says.

As the sunsets on the horizon, he bends down on one knee. My heart and stomach twist. Adrenaline courses through my veins. He pulls out a small box. Tears being to trail down my face. I hold my hands up to my mouth. My brain becomes blurred.

"Marry me, Ana." He opens the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring with a gleaming white stone sets perfectly in the center.

My breath becomes short and I feel the words form themselves.

"Yes."

I walk through the airport with lightness in my step. Triumphant rushes through my veins. Noah told me to trust him and I did. He will never let me down. I look over at him, he is so candid, walking with our son. Their matching green eyes shimmer in the sunlight. I never knew I would get to this point of my life.

We reach our gate and walk into the tunnel to the plane. This is the walk to my graduation. My cap and gown adorn with medals of gold as bright as my sons hair.

His chubby fingers let go of his father's hand and he tries to run towards me. I see him reach for me and I swoop him up into my arms.

“I love you, mama.” he says as I pull him close to my body.

I kiss him firmly on the cheek. I never knew I could love someone so much. I look at his face and my mother stares back. I know somewhere, he has my mother's kindness and courage. I love him more than the sea could love the moon and more than fire could love wood. It will never change. Unbelieveable. Indescribable. Confined.

“I love you too, Joseph.” I say back to the toddler.

He giggles and nuzzles his head into my neck. I feel my body move closer to his. He holds my heart in his little hands.

We walk onto the airplane and with my free hand, I touch the outside of the plane. It is my way of saying goodbye. Something so simple yet sincere. Boston was never kind to me but now Pennsylvania holds so much promise that I can forgive Boston and move on with my life.

We get situated in our seats and I hand Marius to Noah. When he takes our son, our eyes meet and an unspoken yet blissfully trusting promise is passed between us. He has completed me. I reach into my pocket and pull out my wallet. I open it and look at my last picture of Kane. His curly brown hair messy as ever and his brown eyes filled with secrets. I loved that face. But not anymore. I have finally escaped his grasp. I take the picture out of my wallet and tear it in two without a second thought. I crush the two pieces in my hand and throw it on the ground. No more. I am free.