Mare Moody - [blank]

It’s Kane’s.

Go back to him.

Tell him.

I relax and let the thoughts flow. Don’t stop them. Let them happen. They will happen whether or not I want them to.

I hold my stomach firmer. I have to get my brain in order for you. I will. I promise.

I wake up to Noah rolling over to me and pulling me close to his body. I don’t know if he is awake but even subconsciously he wants me to cuddle him.

I move towards his body and press my face against his chest. I can smell his aroma. I don’t know why smells are so calming to me but they always have been to me. I breathe in his scent and relax my muscles.

Through the window, dim light begins to pour in. It’s a cloudy day and the fall weather begins approaching faster and faster. I don’t sleep as late as I used to. I don’t know if it is Noah or if it simply my mental state improving.

I rest my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of having another human desiring my body to be near them. It makes it so much better that it is Noah. He means more to me than he will understand. I can feel myself drifting from Kane’s grasp as the days get colder and my brain gets more and more alive. His control is slowly becoming frozen in my mind.

Noah moves slightly and I can feel him start to get out of his sleepy state. He opens his eyes and looks at me. My face is still pushed to his chest. He picks up his arm and brushes his fingers through my hand. He sighs deeply. He is content.

“Are you ready for today?” He asks.

I nod my head against his chest.

“Ready as ever,” I mumble.

“Should I call him now?” He asks. He reaches over and grabs his watch off of his night stand, “It’s 8am. You think he’ll be up?”

I think back to my father’s early morning routine. He would wake up at 5am and run from one side of the street to the other. When he reached the other side, he would run all the way to the T-station, then run back to the house. The whole trip was 4 miles. That was then and this is now. I don’t know what my family does anymore. I haven’t lived with him since before Mom died. He could have deteriorated as I did.

“I’m not sure,” I say as I roll away from his chest. I spread my limbs and yawn widely.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” He says. The grogginess lingers in his voice. Personality, I found it adorable. Everything about him has become enchanting to me. I can feel myself slipping into the same hole I fell down when I first fell in love with Kane. I know Noah won’t do the same so I trust him. I can trust him. He won’t hurt me.

He kisses me on the forehead and starts to move off the bed. I groan and latch my arms around his.

“I gotta get up,” he says with a chuckle. He attempts to move again.

I groan louder and hook my legs around him.

“Ugh, you are such a terror.” He laughs. He stays in his position for a second then he rolls closer to me and starts to tickle me incessantly. I start shrieking as the nervous in my armpits start to twitch. I laugh uncontrollably as he continues.

“Stop it!” I laugh, he just starts tickling me more with this demand.

“Let me get out of bed and I’ll stop!” He laughs.

“Never!” I cry out. It is a battle cry. I will win!

“Ok then.” He starts to tickle me more. He tackles me and has me pinned down. He continues with his masterful tickling torture.

“Fine! Fine!” I yell, “Uncle!”

He stops and looks at me.

“I’m your Uncle?” He laughs, “Kinky.”

Even though he is no longer tickling me, my laughter still grows.

He leans down and places a firm kiss on my lips. I reach out and pull his head closer to mine. Our lips lock and love flows around us. We stay afloat, blissful and free.

“I love you,” he says, “but I have to get up.”

“Fine.” I pout.

He throws his legs off of the bed, stand up and yawns loudly. I look at his body in awe. The longer I look at him, the better looking he becomes.

I roll in the comforter for a moment before rolling out of bed. When my feet hit the floor, I stand and look over at Noah. His smile is sincere.

We walk out of the room together. I reach for his hand and hold it in mine. The feeling of his hand in mine is something I never thought I’d experience. Energy pulses from my fingertips and up my arm. The shock follows all they way up my brain and slowly zaps it. It hits my neurons and forces a smile across my face. We walk into the kitchen and I sit at his breakfast bar.

He picks up his phone and hands it to me. He wants me to type in my father’s number. My memory is blank until I persuade it to remember. I haven’t recited this number in the longest time.

I take the phone in my hand and punch out the 10 digit number. It feels weird. No muscle memory remains.

I hand the phone to my ear. I don’t think Noah can tell how anxious I am. I don’t want to see my father, let alone tell him that he is going to be a grandfather.

The dial tone stops and a voice materializes on the other side.

“Hello?”

I stay still for a second. It takes a lot of courage to answer him. I look at Noah, he is mouthing ‘talk!’ over and over again. His eyes are wide and he fills the room with a sense of urgency.

“Hi, Dad,” I say with false confidence.

“Ana?” He asks.

“Yeah, I am calling from my boyfriend’s phone.”

“Boyfriend?” He is very confused. He has no idea what is coming to him.

“Um, yeah.” I chuckle, it is embarrassing.

“Well, what do you need?” He sounds so helpful, yet I know that if I actually asked for something other than his presence that I would be let down immediately.

“I wanted to invite you over here…” The request sticks in my throat, “for dinner.”

“Oh sure!” He sounds too happy about this, “When?”

“We were thinking tonight?” A part of me wants him to say he is busy but another part wants him to say yes so that I can appease Noah.

“Works for me!” I can hear the smile on his face, “Where is your apartment?”

I never thought of it as ‘our’ apartment or even ‘my’ apartment. It has always been Noah’s. But now I realize that the spend every night here. I have basically moved in without a formal invitation. I know Noah doesn’t care but a guiltiness blooms in my throat.

“Copley Square,” I say loosely.

“Alright, send me the full address tonight and I’ll be there around 6, ok?” He searches for affirmation. It takes an enormous amount of bravery to agree to the plan. I have a fear that I will regret this. My father knows too much and Noah knows too little. This could go really badly really quickly,

“Sure.” I force the vowels out of my larynx, “I’ll see you then.”

I hang up the phone and hang it to Noah.

“He’ll be here at 6,” I say.

He looks at his watch and looks back at me, scared.

“It’s already 2. We have to go to the grocery store now,” he says as he starts to walk back to the bedroom. I follow close behind him. He starts to quickly strip once he is in the room.

I can’t help but watch him. As he pulls off his shirt, I see his back muscles flex and his shoulder blades extend. I walk over him and gently place my lips on his back. My arms wrap around his waist and I hold him firmly.

He sighs and throws his shirt on the floor. He attempts to rotate in my arms so that his face is facing mine. When he achieves this, he places a kiss on my forehead. He reaches his hands down and puts them against my stomach. He smiles so widely. I feel wanted and needed. I know if this baby is his then it will have a good and happy life.

“We’ve got to go,” he says. I know he doesn’t want to leave either but duty calls. I have to make dinner for my father.