Elisabeth Carpenter - 99 Red Balloons

He’s talking about Mum and Dad, like they’re criminals. If this is all true though, then I suppose they are.

‘No, they didn’t.’

DS Berry is on another mobile phone. She puts her thumbs up to the detective. They both rush outside.

‘You are really Zoe, aren’t you?’

‘They keep telling me I am.’

‘How long have we been on the phone? Shit—’

He’s gone.

I’m still staring at the phone when Nadia takes it from me.

‘You did really well, Stephanie. We managed to locate him.’

‘What? Is that what I just did?’

She nods, smiling.

I don’t know how I feel. I’ve just spoken to someone who’s meant to be related to me by blood, yet I’ve helped the police find him. My hands are shaking; everything’s shaking. It’s like my legs are about to collapse from under me. Emma grabs me in a hug.

‘I’m so proud of you.’ She pulls away, and holds the top of my arms. ‘It can’t have been easy, but you did brilliantly.’

‘I didn’t actually know what I was doing.’

I sit on the arm of the chair.

‘Too right she should have done it,’ says Matt. ‘It’s a member of her family that took Grace.’

‘Shut up, Matt. You’re not thinking straight. This hasn’t got anything to do with Steph – she’s still the same person, isn’t she?’ Emma doesn’t take her eyes from mine. ‘Now we need to pray that Grace’s okay.’ She turns to Nadia. ‘Can we go to where they think she is? She will be with him, won’t she?’ She returns her eyes to me. ‘I mean; you don’t think he’s done anything to her… killed her… left her?’

Her gaze won’t move from mine.

‘I really hope not,’ I say.

A single tear runs down her cheek. She nods slowly.

‘Can we?’ Emma turns back to Nadia.

‘I’ll see if I can get an update. I won’t be a minute.’

‘I’ve got this feeling,’ says Emma, once Nadia is outside, ‘that she’s all right. Does that sound silly?’

‘No, it doesn’t.’

‘Do you feel it too?’

I wish she’d stop asking me questions like this; I hate lying to her.

‘Yes. I feel it too.’

She smiles at me. ‘I love you, Steph.’

‘I love you too, Em.’

She hugs me again, and I wrap my arms around her tightly.

‘Enough of all of this,’ says Matt. ‘You’re making me feel sick. My little girl’s out there, and you two are hugging like it’s all happy families.’

‘I wish he’d shut the fuck up,’ Emma whispers in my ear.

‘It’s okay,’ I whisper back. ‘I don’t blame him.’

I pull away from Emma’s embrace.

‘I’m sorry, Matt.’

I’m not sure why I should be sorry, but it’s what he wants to hear.

He doesn’t look at me, but says, ‘Okay.’

‘They think they’ve found him,’ says Nadia, like she’s out of breath. ‘By the canal.’

‘Where by the canal?’ says Matt.

‘I’m sorry – that’s all they said. I’ve probably already told you too much.’

‘You haven’t told us enough.’

Matt grabs his car keys from the mantelpiece.

‘Wait!’ says Nadia, blocking his exit from the sitting room. ‘I’ll drive. We will go together. But promise me you’ll do as I say, and not get out of the car unless I say so.’

‘Yes, yes.’

‘Matthew. Promise me.’

He stands back slightly. ‘Okay. Fine.’

‘Right. Let’s go.’

Schoolboy error. I should’ve known from all those telly shows that they’d try to trace the call. I didn’t think that would ever happen to me – I’ve never been that important before. Wait till I tell Maggie that I’ve spoken to Zoe. I’ve seen her, of course, but it’s not the same as connecting, voice to voice. I feel bad that I lied to her, about not hurting a child. I’ve never hit a female in my life, let alone a child. Possessed, that’s what Maggie used to call me when I was using. You’re possessed by the devil, child . Perhaps some of that has lingered in me – something I’ve no control over. I wasn’t even a child then, but I was always her youngest. Not any more though, eh? I’ve been older than Sarah for thirteen years. Can’t think about her.

It’ll take them at least five minutes to get here. Shame really, the view is so nice. Sometimes when I see a sight like this, a sort of clarity fills my mind. Memories, I guess. Thoughts of what I could have been.

Can’t dwell on that soppy shit.

I thought she’d have banged again, seeing as we’ve been still for at least ten minutes now, but nothing.

Shit.

I daren’t look.

I need to get out of here. Leave the car, leave everything.

I put on my cap and grab the keys from the ignition. I’m not going to make it easy for those bastards. As I open the door, I realise how far away from any fucking path I’ve parked. What the hell was I thinking? I’m on the embankment. There’s a couple walking their dog. They’ve stopped right behind the car.

‘Are you all right?’ one of them says. I think it’s a bloke, but I’m not sure.

‘Car trouble. Bloody satnav.’

They seem to relax a little.

‘I know what you mean,’ says the other one. ‘We ended up in a pig farm in Derbyshire last year, didn’t we, Sebastian?’

Sebastian nods.

‘I’ll just get my bearings,’ I say, ‘then I’ll be off.’

Now that’s code for get the fuck out of my face, you pair of twats.

We look at each other for a few moments before they take the hint. I sit on the boot and try not to stare after them too obviously. Need to get them out of sight, but they’re not walking fast enough.

Sirens – more than one. It sounds like they’ve got a convoy.

I don’t know what I thought would happen now.

Shit.

Walk away. I could just casually walk away.

The canal path runs in the opposite direction to the dog walkers, but it will lead me to the high street. I grab another hat from my pocket: a flat cap. I look just like my dad in it. I stick my hands in my pockets, and just walk away.

Nadia has put her police lights on as we travel at speed through the city – they reflect in the shop windows. Emma’s clutching Grace’s teddy and blanket ready to give to her.

‘They found a blue Volvo by the edge of the canal,’ says Nadia, translating the garbled message from the police radio.

‘Is she in it?’ asks Emma. ‘Have they got him?’

‘I don’t know. We’re nearly there.’ She turns round and glances at Emma. ‘Remember what I said – do not get out of the car. We don’t want to antagonise him and make him do something stupid.’

Emma nods, but if we do see Grace, she and Matt will be straight out of this car. The locks on the doors are down. Would Nadia lock us in?

I lean my head on the window, feeling the hot sun on the top of my head. I feel sick at the idea of what we’re going to find. Scott, the man on the phone, sounded unhinged, confused. I don’t know who I imagined took Grace, but I could never have thought it would be a member of a family I didn’t know I had. No, I can’t think about that now. If I think about everything, I’ll lose my mind. I have to keep it together for Emma.

‘Okay,’ says Nadia, but I think she’s talking on the radio. ‘Emma, Matt. A team has approached the car, but there’s no sign of Scott Taylor.’

Emma leans forward, grabbing the headrest of the seat in front of her.

‘That means we can go there too, doesn’t it?’

‘Let me have a word with the detective when we get there.’

We turn down into an entrance of a park, trees on either side. We’re driving down what looks like a pathway, but Nadia has put her lights on again. It’s not really necessary as there are four or five police cars ahead, parked on the grass. We stop behind one of them.