Harlan Ellison - Web of the City

Today had taught him something. The break had to be a violent and final one. No one gradually grew away from the streets. To gradually grow away meant you became a different kind of street bum—one of the fat slugs who sat on the front stoops with cans of beer and listened to the cha-cha music beating out of the windows. That was no good, either. It was a dead end. And he wanted something better for Dolores than a quick lay in a back alley or a police record.

“You got to stay away from them kids, sis.”

“They’re my friends!”

“Friends, hell! You got to drop ’em.”

Her face flamed. “Mienta!”

Rusty snapped at the swear-word, leaped from the chair and cracked her solidly in the face. Dolores stumbled back, her eyes went wide with disbelief. It was the first time her brother had ever hit her.

She had hardly known what she was calling him, had regretted it the moment it had left her lips, but he had not given her the opportunity to take it back, to apologize.

Now the barrier was erected. Solid as the Great Wall of China, older than life itself and insurmountable. She backed away, turned and ran into her room. He heard the skeleton key turn in the lock and he slumped back dejectedly, hating himself for his temper.

This was indicative of what the gang had done to him; he could no longer reason. Violence was the only answer he knew; violence was the only approach. He had to learn to curb his temper, to stamp out that blood-hunt in his veins.

He let his head flop back against the cushions and tried to stop thinking.

Perhaps dinner would kill the animosity, the fury, the hatred boiling in the house. But he knew it wouldn’t.

Dinner was a silent affair, all tinkle of glasses and clatter of silverware. They ate in silence and Moms looked from one to the other with a knowing hesitance. Should she ask what was the matter? No, stay out of it.

“Where you goin’ tonight?” the gray-haired woman asked her daughter.

Dolores did not answer. Her eyes lifted sidewise from the plate to stare at her brother for an instant, then they returned to the plate.

“I ast ya where you was goin’ tonight.”

Dolores looked up again and a flash of defiance coursed across her dark eyes. Her long lashes lowered and she addressed the inch of table just beyond the plate. “To a dance.”

Rusty butted in, “Where at?”

“What’re you, the F.B.I.?”

“No, just askin’.”

“The clubhouse.”

“The Cougars’ rooms? Down in the bowling alley?”

She nodded. “You know any place else they hold their dances?” Her fork skewered a piece of meat, shucked it off.

Rusty looked across at his mother and she sensed his concern. Her own words were carefully chosen, carefully selected in softness. “You goin’ with anybody we know, Dolores?”

The girl flipped her hair again, insolently, defiantly, “Just by myself is all. Just alone, with some of the kids.”

Rusty said, “You know there’s been trouble with the Chero-kees. I heard over at Tom-Tom’s they might crash the drag tonight.” Rumors had been flooding the neighborhood, not only about Rusty’s stand with Candle—which somehow had been kept from Moms—but of a proposed war that seemed about to break. Rusty was worried. The Cherokees had been bested in a battle three weeks before and the winds had it they were still nursing their wounds.

“You never can tell,” Moms said, picking at her food nervously. “You better go to a movie tonight, or something.”

She waited for what she knew must come.

“I’m goin’ ta the dance. Alone.”

Rusty inched forward, till his hard belly pushed the edge of the table. “You know what happened to Margie?”

Dolo decided to play it cool. “Margie who?”

Rusty stared at her with exasperation. “Come off it. Lockup’s stupid broad. You know she had it right on the school grounds and put it in a paper sack an’ left it leaning against a tree.”

Margie’s stillbirth had been the talk of the school for months. Her miscarriage had been a big thing in the Cougars’ social whirl. Rusty feared a like situation with his sister. The main job of the Cougie Cats was to keep the Cougars’ studs happy. Rusty wanted nothing like that to happen to Dolores.

“You want somethin’ like that to hit you?”

Dolores shoved back from the table, anxious to bluff high and snappy, not yet ready to storm away. She dropped her fork with a clatter and her mouth twisted venomously.

“You got a dirty mouth,” she snarled.

“I’m just tellin’ the truth. An’ Paulie Ricco’s sister got a busted spine in that Prospect Park thing a few weeks back. You wanna spend the rest of your life in bed like that? You keep runnin’ with them girls, that’s what’s gonna happen.”

“Don’t you chop low on my friends.”

“Friends, crap! They don’t know from friends!”

Moms had been sitting there, her faded gray eyes open wide at these tales of horror from just beyond her walls. She had sensed the crowd with which Dolores ran was a wild one, but she had never suspected that they were—were like this. Her heart stopped beating, she was sure, and she was sure her daughter heard the silence. This was her baby, her Dolores, just baptized and just having her first party and just wearing her first high heels and now suddenly grown, and playing with a deadly sort of fire.

She had to stop her.

“Dolores, I forbid you to go there tonight. You gonna stay home and dry dishes with me, then we’ll go take in a show, huh?”

The girl sensed the time for total retaliation had come. She leaned over, as if to clamp down on everything her mother had said, and she came back with, “Can’t you ever leave me alone? Can’t you let me have a little fun once in a while? I’m not hurtin’ you. I don’t care if I never see my old man or if you got no time for nothin’, always here in the kitchen, and you,” she turned on Rusty, “you got big crazy ideas, the big brother thing all the time, and just cause you was yellow, you think I have to be. Well, it ain’t gonna be that way. Leave me alone, both of you crapheads!”

The word hit Rusty with all the force of a steam drill. He saw the effect it had on Moms and for the second time, hardly knowing what he was doing, his hand came out and cracked hard against Dolores’ cheek.

She fell back against the chair and her face told everything there was to tell. It told the past was rotten and the future was a disappointment and the present was the rock that lay in the pit of her stomach. She slid back the chair and ran from the room, yelling, “I’m never comin’ back here again! Never! Never!”

Then the sound of the vase on the shelf near the door smashing to the floor and the sound of the slamming door, then that going-away-forever sound of Dolores hitting for the street.

The word “never” hung like fog in the kitchen. Rusty avoided his mother’s eyes until he heard her crying.

By then it was too late. They were all lost to one another down a dark lonely road that led nowhere. She cried too easily, damn her. Cried too easily, showed she was human, fallible, too easily. There’s only one way to escape the hurt; that way is the safe way. Just keep it locked in, down inside you somewhere, where they can’t get to you. No mother, no father, no sister, no one, because when they know they got you suckered, they know they can hurt you. And ain’t no one who doesn’t like to play god once in a while. No one who doesn’t like to hurt when they know they can be god and so they try it every once in a while. So play it cool, play it steady, keep it back where they can’t see it. Let the others—the mothers, the fathers, the friends—let them make the move, then you can play god! That’s the way.