Даниэла Стил - Finding Ashley [calibre]

“I’ve been watching the news in New York. Are you okay, Mellie?” It was Hattie. They always communicated by letter or email. She hadn’t heard her voice in six years. At forty-three, Hattie still sounded like a kid. “I’ve been praying for you all night.”

“I don’t believe in that,” Melissa reminded her, “but it must have worked. The wind suddenly turned two hours ago, and my house was spared. A lot of other people lost their homes, though. The fire is still out of control, but it’s not heading here for now.” But that could change in an instant if the wind shifted again.

“I’m so relieved. We were praying for them too. Did you have any damage?”

“We might have some singed trees at the edge of the property, but it never got to the house. It was heading straight for us last night. They tried to evacuate me, but I stayed.”

“You shouldn’t have. Are you okay, Mel? I mean other than the fire.”

“Of course. I’m fine. How are you? Still the angel of mercy, nursing gunshot wounds in the Bronx?” The hospital where she worked was in one of the worst neighborhoods in New York.

“Yes, I am. I miss you. I think about you a lot.” There was a long silence between them then, and neither of them knew what to say. The chasm between them was vast, and had been for so many years. It was hard to bridge that now, except with brief emails wishing each other a merry Christmas, or a happy birthday. The wound between them suddenly seemed raw again. “Would you ever let me come to visit you?” Hattie asked her, and Melissa didn’t answer for a minute.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Why would you want to?”

“Because we’re still sisters. Our order doesn’t wear the habit anymore, except on important religious occasions. You could ignore the fact that I’m a nun.” She knew how Melissa hated seeing her in her habit.

“How could I forget that? You’re the better person, Hattie. There’s nothing left of who I was. Robbie took that person with him. I’m beginning to sound more like Mom,” she said matter-of-factly.

“You’ll always be my sister, and I’ll always love you. You did so much for me when we were growing up.”

“That was a long time ago. It was nice of you to call,” Melissa said with emotion in her voice. “I guess you could come up sometime, and see what I’ve been working on for four years.”

“Are you happy there?”

“It keeps me busy, and I’m at peace. That’s enough for me. I’m glad it didn’t burn down last night.”

“So am I,” her younger sister said with feeling. “I’d love to see you, Mellie.”

“I’ll think about it,” was all Melissa would commit to. “Take care, Hattie,” and then, at the very last second before they both hung up, she whispered, “I love you too,” and ended the call. It was the most emotional thing that had happened all night, as intense as almost losing the house. It reminded her that she still had a sister, whether she saw her or not, and no matter how far apart they had grown.

She put Robbie’s pictures back on the bookshelf then, went upstairs to lie on her bed, and thought of both of them, Robbie and Hattie. She wondered what it would be like to see her sister again. It had been a long frightening night, but thank God, the house she loved was safe. It would have broken what was left of her heart if it had burned to the ground. She had lost enough. She couldn’t lose the house too. Her mind was flooded with her memories of Hattie, all that they had been through and meant to each other so long ago. It frightened her to open the door to those feelings again. It brought so much with it that she wanted to forget.

Chapter 3

The fire was still raging out of control the next day, but it was well north of Melissa’s house, and the wind hadn’t shifted again. Firefighters were pouring in from Boston, other parts of Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New Hampshire, trying to get it under control. According to news reports, it was only ten percent contained.

Norm had spent the night on the fringes of it, with a group of volunteers. It was exhausting, frightening work.

Melissa had had an email from Carson, wanting to know if she was all right, and she had answered briefly, thanked him, and said she was. She was grateful for his concern. The fire was bringing back the people and memories of the past.

On the third day of the fire, Rochester and Buffalo sent them additional firefighters, and they finally managed to get the fire sixty percent contained. There was no question by then that it had been arson. The fire chief had confirmed it. Three hundred homes had been lost, and nearly two thousand people were crowding in shelters that had been set up in local schools.

The day after the fire had been mostly contained, they showed the arsonist on TV. He had been apprehended at his mother’s home. He was seventeen years old, and he looked like a frightened little boy when they arrested him. They said that he and his mother had been homeless for a while, and people who were interviewed said he had shown signs of psychiatric problems, after being bullied by his classmates in school. They had recently moved again. Given the severity of the crime, and his age, he was going to be tried as an adult. Melissa sat watching him on TV with hatred in her eyes. He had nearly robbed her of her home.

She and Norm spoke about it when he came by to see how she was. It struck her as she looked at the arsonist that he was only a year older than Robbie would have been. She couldn’t imagine anyone disturbed and vicious enough to start a fire the way he had. The report said that he had started small fires before. He seemed terrified in the brief footage they saw of him.

“I hope they send him to prison for a long time,” Melissa said angrily when she and Norm talked about it during his visit.

“He’s just a kid,” he said, feeling sorry for him.

“How can you say that after what he did? Think of all the homes that burned.”

“He belongs in a psychiatric hospital, not jail,” Norm said compassionately. Melissa had no pity for him, with so many homes lost. They had said on TV that his mother was in a rehab facility, and couldn’t be reached for comment. And he had been living alone at her home, which looked like barely more than a shack.

“Someone should have picked up on how sick he was a long time ago. It’s a failure in our system,” Norm said quietly. “It sounds like he’s had a terrible life.” There had been no mention of his father, and the boy’s life sounded tragic.

“Other people are victims of the system, they don’t go around setting fires.” There was no mercy in her voice.

“Have you heard from your sister again?” he asked, to change the subject, and Melissa shook her head.

“She wants to come and visit. I haven’t decided what I want to do about that yet.”

“Maybe the two of you could make peace with each other,” he suggested gently, as Melissa looked off into the distance, thinking about it. It seemed too late for that, after so many years. And too painful to try.

“We have nothing in common anymore. Maybe we never did. We were always different. She was much more outgoing than I was, which made it seem even crazier when she decided to become a nun. She always wanted to be an actress, and just when she started to get the right breaks, she ran away.”

“Isn’t that what you did when your son died?” he asked her, and she looked shocked for a minute, and shook her head.

“That was different. Our whole world fell apart. Hattie was just beginning. She was young, good things were happening for her. She had no reason to run away. It was sheer cowardice, to seek refuge in the convent, instead of dealing with life.”

“Not everyone is as brave as you are, Melissa.”