Даниэла Стил - Finding Ashley [calibre]

“Haven’t they evacuated you yet? They evacuated me an hour ago.” She nodded but didn’t say more, and concentrated on what she was doing as he picked up another hose. “You’ve got to get out, Melissa. There’s nothing else you can do here. It’s headed your way. There’s no time to lose.”

“I’m not going,” she said firmly, her eyes fixed on her roof to make sure she wet every inch down.

“Don’t be crazy. You can’t risk your life for a house. If the worst happens, you can rebuild.” She just shook her head, and he could see that she meant it and wasn’t going anywhere. He had been on his way to volunteer to help the firefighters who, so far, had been unable to control the blaze. But he didn’t want to leave her. There was something terrifyingly determined about the way she looked. He knew how much she loved her home, but this was insane. He grabbed her arm, and the water from the hose sprayed them both. Her shirt was wet as she looked at him.

“I’m staying, Norm. You can go.”

“I’m not leaving here without you.” He tightened his grip on her arm and she shook him off with a look that said she would fight him if he tried to take her away. “Come on, Mel, be sensible. It’s too dangerous for you to stay. If the fire gets here, you could be trapped, or hit by a falling tree or part of the house.” An old Victorian, wooden structure like her home would go up in flames within minutes.

“I don’t care. This is all I have now. And if I die in the fire, no one will miss me.” As she said the words, she knew it wasn’t true. Her sister, Hattie, would miss her, she knew that her sister still cared, even if their lives were far apart now. Hattie was faithful about reaching out to her a few times a year. She initiated contact, Melissa never did. “All I have is a sister who’s a nun, and she believes all that crap that if I die, I’ll be in a better place. I haven’t seen her in six years.” Norm could tell there was a lot more to the story there, but this wasn’t the time to ask, and Melissa probably wouldn’t have told him anyway. She had never mentioned her sister before.

“I believe in that crap too, and I have no desire to wind up in that better place with you. I’m not leaving until you come with me, so you’ll be responsible for killing me too, if we stay.” They were both coughing in the smoke by then, which was being carried for miles by the wind.

“Leave me, Norm. I’ll be fine.” And if she wasn’t, it didn’t matter to her. He could see that now, for the first time. He had never realized before how determined she was to be alone, and how little she cared about her own life. Whatever had happened to her before had made her indifferent to whether she lived or died. It made him sad for her.

“You’re a stubborn woman,” he said, and she didn’t deny it. They walked into the house then to get away from the smoke, and saw on a news bulletin that the fire was two miles from her house and advancing at a furious pace.

“I’m going to lose the house,” she said in a grim voice, pulled a pillowcase out of a closet, and then rushed into the living room and started throwing the photographs of the little boy into the pillowcase, as he watched her with a question in his eyes he didn’t put words to. She glanced at him, and continued what she was doing.

“He’s my son. He died of a brain tumor when he was ten, six years ago. It destroyed my marriage, that’s why I’m here,” she said matter-of-factly in a flat voice. She had never said that to anyone before. The pillowcase was heavy and full when she finished, with all the silver frames with photographs of Robbie in them. Norm looked sad for her as they walked back into the kitchen to check the TV again, but the image had changed dramatically when they saw the weather map again. The wind had turned at a ninety-degree angle and was heading north, taking the fire with it, which was bad news for the people who lived in its path, but it meant that Melissa’s home had been miraculously spared. She looked at Norm in disbelief. His home would be safe now too, unless the wind changed direction again. “If I still believed in God, I would think it was the answer to prayer, but the people in its path are in big trouble now. I feel sorry for them.”

“I still believe in miracles,” Norm said quietly, and finally found what he wanted to say to her after what he’d seen her do in her living room and the look on her face. “I’m sorry about your boy, Mel. I never knew who the child was.” He had seen the photos many times while working on her house. He was a beautiful little boy with dark hair and big eyes like hers.

They sat down in the kitchen for a minute. Her legs were shaking with relief that the wind had turned and her home was safe. She didn’t even care that Norm knew about Robbie now. It had been a naked moment when he had seen more of her than he ever had before.

“It changed everything when he died,” she said in a soft voice. “It almost killed me, and actually, it did kill a lot of me. I’ve been half dead ever since. I gave up my work, my life, my marriage. None of it made sense anymore without him. The only thing that has made any sense and kept me alive since then is this house. And if it burned down, I’d go with it. It’s all I have to live for now.”

“That’s not enough,” he said gently.

“It is for me,” she said with a tired smile. It had been a long night.

“What about your sister, the nun? Why don’t you see her?”

“I can’t stand nuns. We were very close until she took the cowardly way out, eighteen years ago. We haven’t been close ever since. The last time I saw her was at my son’s funeral. I don’t miss her,” she said sharply. “She’s not the same person she used to be. Neither am I. I took care of her after our parents died. She was twelve, I was eighteen. I became her only parent then. It made me grow up very quickly. I spent all my college years taking care of her. She went nuts at twenty-five and joined a religious order. I was furious with her. We drifted apart after that. I got married a year later, and had Robbie. And our lives were too different from then on.”

“Why do you hate nuns?” There was a hardness in her that he had guessed at, and glimpsed, but never seen full on before.

“That’s a long story you don’t need to know. I just do. My mother was a religious fanatic and would have loved it if we’d both become nuns. She got her wish with my sister, although my mother was long dead by then. There was no risk of it with me. I gave up on religion a long time ago, at sixteen.” To Norm, it sounded like she had given up on everything, people, life, her family, God. All she had left was this house. It made him realize more than ever what it meant to her, and it explained why she never let anyone get close to her. She was locked behind her walls, alone. “Do you want something to eat?” she offered. The sun was coming up by then, and she made it clear that the subject of her past was closed. He nodded, and she made scrambled eggs for both of them. They ate, talking about the fire, and then he left. He still wanted to see what he could do to help with the fire as a volunteer. He knew that Melissa was safe now, and could manage on her own. She would have done so anyway, even without him, but he was glad he’d been there with her. He admired her more than ever now, but also felt sorry for her as never before. Now he knew what she was running from, or what had driven her into seclusion in the mountains. It was a glimpse into who she was, which he had never fully understood before.

—

Melissa put the dishes in the dishwasher after Norm left, a little sorry that she had told him about Robbie. He didn’t need to know. They were on friendly terms, but they weren’t close. The photos of Robbie were still in the pillowcase on a kitchen chair. The phone rang shortly after seven, and she was startled when she heard a familiar voice she hadn’t heard in years.