Тесс Герритсен - I Know a Secret

“No, I mean, I can’t do this .” Angela waved at the dirty pots and pans in the sink, the grease-spattered stove, the pie waiting on the counter. “This is the same trap I was in before. It’s the way he wants things, but it’s not for me. I gave it a shot, I really did. And look where it got me.”

“Ready to swallow strychnine.”

“Exactly.”

Through the closed kitchen door, they heard men’s laughter. Frank and Frankie, yukking it up over Angela’s tenderly prepared meal. Did they taste the care she’d put into the roast beef and potatoes? Did they have any inkling that right now, behind the kitchen door, a decision was being made that would alter every future meal they’d eat at that dining table?

“I’m gonna do it,” said Angela. “I’m gonna leave him.”

“Oh, Ma.”

“Don’t try to talk me out of it. Either I do this or I die. I swear, I’m gonna shrivel up and die.”

“I’m not going to talk you out of it. Here’s what I am gonna do.” She placed both her hands on her mother’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “I’m going to help you pack. And then I’m taking you to stay at our place.”

“Right now?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Angela’s eyes misted over with tears. “It’s what I want. But I can’t stay with you. Your apartment’s not big enough.”

“You can sleep in Regina’s room for now. She’ll love having her nonna there.”

“This’ll only be temporary, I swear it. Oh, God, your dad’s gonna make a scene.”

“We don’t have to say a thing to him. Let’s just go upstairs and pack.”

Together they walked out of the kitchen. Frank and Frankie were so deep in guy talk, they didn’t even notice the women crossing through the dining room, but Gabriel eyed Jane with a look of what’s going on? Of course her husband would be the one to notice. Gabriel noticed everything. She answered with a shake of the head and followed her mother to the stairway.

In her bedroom, Angela pulled open drawers and scooped out sweaters and underwear. She took only what she needed for a few nights; she would have to return for more clothes when Frank wasn’t home to get in her way. Two years ago, when Frank had suffered a brief bout of midlife insanity involving a bleached blonde, he’d walked out on Angela, but he was certainly not going to let Angela walk out on him, not without a fight. If they made this a quick exit, he might not even notice that his wife was walking out the door.

Jane carried the suitcase down the stairs, where she found Gabriel already waiting by the front door. “Can I help?” he asked quietly.

“Take this out to the car. Mom’s coming home with us.”

Gabriel didn’t argue, didn’t ask any questions. He’d already read the situation and understood what needed to be done, and without a word he carried the suitcase out of the house.

“I need to drive my own car,” Angela said. “I can’t leave it here. Why don’t I meet you at your place?”

“No, you need company right now, Ma. I’ll drive with you,” said Jane.

“Drive with her where?” said her father. Frank stood frowning at them from the hallway. “What’s with all the whispering? What’s going on?” he demanded.

“Mom’s coming to stay with us,” said Jane.

“Why?”

“You know why,” said Angela. “And if you don’t, you should .” She pulled her coat out of the closet. “Dessert’s in the kitchen, Frank. Blueberry pie. And there’s vanilla ice cream in the freezer. Ben and Jerry’s, just like you asked for.”

“Wait. You’re not walking out on me, are you?”

“ You walked out.”

“But I came back! I did it for the family!”

“You did it because the Bimbo threw you out. I got one life to live, Frank, and I’m not gonna spend it being miserable.” She grabbed her purse from the hall table and walked out the door.

Frank snorted to Jane, “She’ll be back. You watch.”

I wouldn’t count on it.

Jane walked out to the driveway and found Angela sitting in her car, the engine already warming up. “Let me drive, Ma. You’re upset.”

“I’m fine. Just get in.”

Jane slid into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut. “You sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Angela gripped the steering wheel with both hands. “Let’s blow this joint.”

As they pulled out of the driveway, Jane glanced back at her parents’ house, the house where Angela had raised three children. That she would now abandon it told Jane how desperately unhappy her mother was. These past few months she’d seen that unhappiness in Angela’s drooping face, in her unkempt hair and perpetually slumped shoulders. Surely Frank had noticed the signs himself, but he never believed that Angela would act on those feelings. Even now he assumed his runaway wife would come home in a few days. He did not even bother to linger outside and watch her leave but had already walked back into the house and closed the door.

“I promise I won’t stay with you any longer than I have to,” said Angela. “I’ll be there just long enough to find my own place.”

“Ma, let’s not worry about that right now.”

“But I do worry about it. I worry about everything. A woman gets to be my age and suddenly she’s a burden to everyone. Or she’s a beast of burden. I don’t know what’s worse. Either way, it’s...” She glanced at the road sign and gave a soft moan.

“What?”

“That’s the turnoff to his place.” She didn’t need to say his name; Jane knew who he was: Vince Korsak, the man who had briefly slipped into her mother’s life after Frank walked out. “He must be seeing someone new by now,” Angela said quietly.

“Like I said, I don’t know, Ma.”

“Of course he is. A fine man like Vince.”

Korsak? Jane almost laughed. Retired detective Vince Korsak was a walking heart attack, overweight and hypertensive, a man with huge appetites and a painful lack of social skills. But he’d been genuinely in love with Angela and was devastated when she broke off their romance and went back to her husband.

Abruptly, Angela swerved the car around, her tires screeching as she made a mid-street U-turn.

“What’re you doing, Ma?” Jane yelled. “That is so illegal!”

“I gotta know.”

“Know what?”

“If there’s still a chance.”

“With Korsak?”

“I broke his heart when I left him, Jane. He might not ever forgive me.”

“He knew what you were up against. Dad. The family.”

“I don’t know if he’ll even talk to me.” Angela’s foot came off the gas pedal, as if she suddenly questioned this crazy impulse. Then, just as suddenly, she hit the gas again and the car lurched forward.

All Jane could do was hold on for the ride.

They screeched to a stop outside Korsak’s apartment building. Angela took a deep breath as she marshaled her courage.

“How about you just call him on the phone?” Jane suggested.

“No. No, I have to be able to see his face. I need to read his feelings when he looks at me.” Angela shoved open the car door. “Wait for me, Janie. This could be a very short visit.”

Jane watched her mother climb out of the car. Angela paused on the sidewalk to smooth her coat, run her fingers through her hair. She looked like a girl on her first date, and the transformation was startling — her shoulders no longer slumped in defeat, her chin tilted up to meet whatever might come. She opened the apartment door and vanished into the building.

Jane waited. And waited.

Twenty minutes later, Angela had still not returned.