Patricia Cornwell - Blow Fly

Benton is fifty and has reached the bitter belief that psychological profiling isn't psychological in the least, but is nothing more than forms and assumptions based on decades-old data. Profiling is propaganda and marketing. It is hype. It is just one more sales pitch that helps rake in federal dollars as FBI lobbyists stalk Capitol Hill. The very word profiling makes Wesley grit his teeth, and he can't abide the way what he used to do is misunderstood, abused, has become a hackneyed Hollywood device drawn from worn-out and faulty behavioral science, anecdotes and deductive assumptions. Modern profiling is not inductive. It is as specious and misleading as physiognomy and anthropometry-or the dangerous and ridiculous beliefs from centuries past that murderers looked like cavemen and could be unequivocally identified by the circumference of their heads or the length of their arms. Profiling is fool's gold, and for Benton to come around to that conviction is akin to a priest deciding there is no God.

No matter what anybody says, no matter what statistics and epidemiological studies suggest and intellectual gurus pontificate, the only constant anymore is change. Human beings today commit more murders, rapes, pedophilia, kidnapings, hate crimes, acts of terrorism and just plain dishonest, dishonorable, self-serving sins against all forms of life than the free world has ever seen. Benton obsesses about it a lot. He has plenty of time to do so. Max thinks Benton, whose name he does not know, is a wacko intellectual snob, probably a professor at Harvard or MIT, and a humorless one at that. Max does not catch the occasional irony or dry-ice wit that Benton was known for when he was known, and he is known by virtually no one anymore.

Max no longer speaks a word to him, just takes his money and makes a big production of counting Benton's change before shoving it and a slice of cheese pizza or a soda or a bag of Cracker Jacks to the "ScheiЯe Arsch."

He talks about Benton every chance he gets.

"The other day he buy a pretzel," Max told Nosmo King, the delivery man whose mystical-sounding name is the mundane result of his mother seeing No Smoking divided into No Smo king when double doors parted as she was being rolled into the delivery room to give birth to him.

"He eats his pretzel there"-Max stabbed his cigarette toward a canopy of old oaks-"and schtared up like some schzombie at that schtuck kite"-pointing the cigarette again and nodding at the tattered red kite high in the branches of an oak tree-"like it some schientific phenomenal or a schymbol from God. Maybe a UFO!"

Nosmo King was stacking cases of Fiji bottled water inside the Cafй Esplanade kiosk and paused, shielding his eyes from the sun as he followed the line of Max's cigarette up to the wrecked kite.

"I remember how that used to piss me off as a kid," Nosmo King recalled. "Get yourself a brand new kite and five minutes later it's hung up in power lines or a fucking tree. That sure is life. One minute things are moving along good, the next, the wind blows your ass to ruination."

Dark preoccupations and shadows from the past are what Benton feels and sees, no matter where he is or what he does. He lives inside a steel box of isolation that depresses and frustrates him so profoundly that there are moments, hours, days and weeks when he does not care about anything, has no appetite and sleeps too much. He needs sun and dreads winter. He is grateful that this early afternoon is polished so brightly that he cannot look across the Charles or up at the intense blue sky unless his eyes are blacked out, as they usually are, by sunglasses. He casually turns away from the young athletes who rule the river, pained that half a century has passed and he is no longer consumed by courage and conquest but by nonexistence, powerlessness and irrevocable loss.

I am dead, he says to himself every morning as he shaves. No matter what, I am dead.

My name is Tom. Tom Haviland. Tom Speck Haviland, born in Greenwich, Connecticut, on February 20,1955, parents both from Salem, Massachusetts. A psychologist, retired, sick of listening to people's problems, Social Security number yada yada yada, unmarried, homosexual, HIV-positive, like to eye gorgeous boys eying themselves in the mirrors at the gym but don't pursue, don't strike up conversations, don't cruise gay bars or date. Ever, ever, ever.

It is all a lie.

Benton Wesley has lived with falsehoods and exile for six years.

He walks to a picnic table and sits on top of it, rests his arms on his knees, tightly laces his tapered fingers. His heart begins to beat rapidly with excitement and fear. Decades of a well-meant pursuit of justice have been rewarded by banishment, by a forced acceptance of the nonexistence of himself and all he has ever known. Some days, he can scarcely remember who he used to be, as he spends most of his time living in his mind, distracted by and even content with reading philosophical and spiritual books, history and poetry, and feeding the pigeons in the Public Garden, around the Frog Pond, or wherever he can blend with the locals and tourists.

He no longer owns a suit. He shaves his thick, silver hair to the scalp and wears a neatly trimmed mustache and beard, but his body and bearing belie his attempt to look sloppy and older than his years. His face is tan but smooth, his posture military-straight. He is fit and muscular, with so little body fat that his veins run under his flesh like slender tree roots pushing through soil. Boston has many health clubs and places to jog and run sprints, and he is relentless about fitness and staying light on his feet. Physical pain reminds him that he is alive. He does not allow himself patterns for when and where he runs or works out or shops or eats in restaurants.

He turns to his right as his keen peripheral vision catches the lumbering form of Pete Marino strolling in his direction. Benton's breath catches. He is electrified by anxiety and joy but does not wave or smile. He has not communicated with his old friend and former colleague since he supposedly died and vanished into what is called a level-one protected-witness program designed uniquely for him and jointly controlled by London's Metropolitan Police, Washington and Interpol.

Marino settles next to Benton on top of the picnic table, checking first for bird shit as he taps an unfiltered Lucky Strike from a soft pack and lights up after several sparked attempts with a disposable lighter low on fluid. Benton notes that Marino's hands are shaking. The two men are hunched over, staring out at a sailboat gliding away from the boathouse.

"You ever go to the band shell here?" Marino asks, overcome by emotions he strangles in his throat with repeated coughs and loud sucks of smoke.

"I heard the Boston Pops on the Fourth of July," Benton softly says. "You can't help but hear them from where I live. How are you?"

"But you don't come down in person." Marino does his best to sound normal, just like the old days. "Yeah, I can understand that. Me, I probably wouldn't, either, all those mobs of idiots, and I hate mobs of people. Like in the malls. It's gotten to where I can't take shopping malls no more." He blows out a large volume of smoke, the unfiltered cigarette trembling in his thick fingers. "Least you ain't so far away you can't hear the music, pal. Could be worse. That's what I always say, could be worse."

Benton's lean, handsome face does not register the volatile mix of thoughts and feelings inside his hidden places. His hands betray nothing. He controls his nerves and facial expressions. He is nobody's pal and never has been, and acute grief and anger heat up powerfully. Marino called him pal because he doesn't know what else to call him.

"I suppose I should ask you not to call me pal," Benton comments in a bland voice.