Lisa Scottoline - Everywhere That Mary Went

“I really should go, Timothy.”

“Don’t be so antisocial, Mary.” Jameson reaches out and grabs my arm roughly. “Tell Judge Bitterman how you’re going to make partner this June. Tell him how your mentor is going to ram you down our throats.”

“Timothy, I don’t know what-”

He squeezes my arm. “Isn’t that a nice word, Judge Bitterman? Mentor. It could mean anything, couldn’t it? Teacher. Friend. Confidant. Counselor. Do you know the origin of the wordmentor, Judge?”

For once, Bitter Man is speechless. He shakes his head.

“Mentor was the friend of Odysseus, to whom the hero entrusted the education of his son, Telemachus. Isn’t that interesting? Did you know that Mary has a very special mentor too? A very powerful mentor. Sam Berkowitz is Mary’s mentor. He takes very good care of Mary. Right, Mary?”

“Timothy, stop it.” I try to wrest my arm away, but Jameson’s grip is surprisingly strong.

“What do you think, Judge? Do you think it’s Mary’s sharp analytical skills that Mr. Berkowitz so admires? Or do you think it’s her superb writing ability?I had both of those things, Judge, but our fearless leader did everything he could to blockmy partnership. So tell me, what do you think she’s got that I haven’t?”

Bitter Man looks from me to Jameson.

“You know, don’t you, Judge? You’re a brilliant man, but I’ll give you a hint anyway. Mary’s a merry widow. Avery merry widow.”

Bitter Man’s mouth drops open.

I can’t believe what Jameson’s saying. It’s outrageous. “I worked to get where I am, Timothy.”

Jameson yanks me to his side. “I know you did, Mary. A big, strong man like Berkowitz, I bet you take quite a pounding-”

“Fuck you!” I shout at Jameson. I wrench my arm free.

Bitter Man’s eyes narrow. His face is red, inflamed with anger. “Mary, you didn’t!”

I can’t take the fury from his face, I couldn’t convince him in a million years. I feel dizzy and faint. Heads turn behind Bitter Man, looking at us. I have to get out. I lunge for the door and run to the stairwell. I stagger down it in tears, leaning heavily on the brass banister past Lust and Envy. By the time I reach Gluttony, I’m feeling sick. From embarrassment. From alcohol. From sleep deprivation. I collapse into my chair, and my head falls forward onto a cool pillow of stacked-up mail.

He is seething.

His lips are moving, though I can’t hear what he’s shouting at me. He’s shaking, he’s so infuriated. His face, almost womanish in its softness, is twisted by rage.

We are alone, he and I. It’s dusk, and his office is empty and dim. The secretaries have gone home, as have the others. The room is cold; he keeps the thermostat low. He has to set an example, he says.

There are photos of him, with other men who set examples. Richard Nixon. Chief Justice William Rehnquist. Clarence Thomas. Beside the photos are bookshelves filled with books, lots of books, all about the law. Legal philosophy, legal writing, legal analysis. One book after another, in perfect order. And rows and rows of golden federal casebooks, their black volume numbers floating eerily in the half-light: 361, 362, and 363. He has an entire set all to himself. He is a man of importance, a legal scholar.

But he is so angry. Raging, quite nearly out of control. I’ve never seen him this angry. I’ve never seen anyone as angry as Judge Bitterman on the day I quit.

Why is he so mad? I did one article, that was all we agreed to, I say to him. I don’t have time to do another.

You used to have time! he shouts.

I don’t anymore. Things have changed.

It’s a young man, isn’t it?

I don’t answer him. It’s none of his business. I am in love, though, with Mike.

Miz DiNunzio, let me quote you one of the most profound legal thinkers there was. The law is a jealous mistress, and requires a long and constant courtship. It is not to be won by trifling favors but by lavish homage. The quotation is Professor Story’s, Miz DiNunzio, not mine. A jealous mistress. It means you can’t have it both ways. It’s your young man or the law. You have to choose.

I already have, I say to him.

That’s when it dawns on me, half in a dream and half out of it. I know why Bitter Man was so angry. His speech about the law being jealous was bullshit. He was hiding behind the law, using it as a smokescreen. I didn’t see through it then, but I do now. It was Bitter Man who was jealous, crazy jealous, of Mike. It’s almost inconceivable, but it makes sense.

I awake with a start.

Bitter Man is standing over me, stroking my hair with a peaceful smile. “Hello, Mary,” he says softly.

“Judge?”

“You are so precious to me, my dear.” His cheeks look like they’re about to burst with happiness, like an overfed baby.

I look around, panicky. My office door is closed. Everyone’s at the reception, three floors above.

His swollen underbelly presses against my chair. “I’ve cared for you ever since the first day you came to work for me. Do you remember?”

I’m too stunned to answer.

“We spent the whole year together, you and I. I watched you grow, watched you learn. I know I was hard on you at times, but it was for your own good. I was your mentor then, wasn’t I, Mary? I was the only one.” His voice is unnaturally high.

I nod mechanically. My gorge rises at his touch.

“I tried to forget about you for many years, after you left me, but I couldn’t. No other woman would do. Imagine how happy I was when a case of yours finally got assigned to me. I could barely wait until the day of oral argument. It was your first argument, wasn’t it, Mary? I could tell. I thought, She has so much more to learn, and there’s so much more I can teach her. She still needs me.”

Oh no. I won that motion, and Mike was there, watching me with his class. Mike.

“I got theHarbison’s case a year later almost to the day. As if fate had planned it. I scheduled argument just to see you before me, and you looked so professional in your dark blue suit. As soon as I entered the courtroom, you jumped up and smiled at me in the prettiest way. That’s when I knew you felt the same way I did. After all this time.”

Of course. I won that motion too. Then came the first note:CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PARTNERSHIP, MARY. Bitter Man knew the win would help me make partner. Why didn’t I think of him? I squeeze my eyes shut.

“I was silly to make you sing. Forgive me, but I wanted to test your love. And the other day in Sam’s office, when I asked for your opinion, I was just giving you a chance to shine. But you seemed upset with me, so I sent you another note. I put it in Sam’s box after our noon meeting. Did you get my note, Mary? I was worried you wouldn’t get it.”

My heart is pounding. My chest is flushed with blood.

“A penny for your thoughts.” His hand reaches under my chin and he wrenches my face up to him. His eyes, almost engulfed by the flesh around them, look out of control.

Suddenly, the door to my office bursts open and Judy bounds in. “Mary, what happened?” she says. “I heard that Jameson-”

“Close the door!” Bitter Man shouts. He steps away from me and whips a silver revolver from his jacket, pointing it at Judy.

She looks wildly from me to him. “What the-”

“I said close the door! And lock it!”

Judy obeys quickly, staring at the gun in fear.

“Who is this woman, Mary?” Bitter Man’s hammy hands train the gun expertly at Judy’s chest. There’s a metallic click as he cocks the trigger.

My heart leaps up at the sound. “No!” I shout.

Bitter Man looks at me sharply, a silent reprimand.

I swallow hard. “Please don’t hurt her, Bill. She’s my best friend. My dearest friend. Please don’t.”