Kay Hooper - The Wizard Of Seattle

"They don't," Merlin confirmed. "According to what Tremayne told me, they haven't had to worry about that in ten years or more."

Serena shook her head. "That figures. I asked one of the women why somebody didn't try, and she looked at me like I was crazy. The female wizards don't think beyond what they've been told, never questioning, never even considering that it might be possible to find a way to coexist with the males. Even though it was done here once."

"Yes, I know. I heard about this city from Tremayne."

"Is that why you're here?"

He nodded. "I wanted to take a look at it before I returned to Sanctuary, and when I saw Varian, I decided to follow him. He hadn't said anything about coming down to the valley when Tremayne and I left this morning."

"Where's Tremayne?"

"He was going straight to Sanctuary." Merlin hesitated, then said, "He wanted to see Roxanne."

"They know each other?'"

"She didn't tell you about it?"

"No…" Serena frowned. "But now that I think about it, if she's interested in Tremayne-in spite of what happened to her and all they've tried to drum into her in Sanctuary-that could explain why she asked so many questions about you and me, especially after she figured out I was a wizard." She briefly explained Roxanne's deductions.

"And she seemed most interested in our relationship?"

Since he had asked the question coolly, Serena replied in the most unruffled tone she could manage. "I think so. The fact that we were together in any sense of the word obviously intrigued her, and she specifically asked if you'd ever hurt me."

"I hope you told her I hadn't."

"Of course I did." Serena didn't remind him that he had come close to hurting her here, although she couldn't help remembering it. She hesitated, then added, "I also told her there was a wall between us."

"Is that the way you see it?"

"Don't you? You told me there were boundaries we couldn't cross, and what's happened here makes it obvious what you meant, I think. When you left Sanctuary a few days ago, you didn't believe male and female wizards could coexist. Has something happened to convince you otherwise?"

Merlin looked at her for a moment, then shrugged off his light pack and dropped it beside the flat stone where Serena had sat earlier. He took his coat off, as well, and tossed it over the stone. It was a warm day, but Serena didn't know if he had removed the coat because of that or in a gesture like rolling up his sleeves. He wasn't wearing his staff, and she thought he'd probably sent it into limbo until it was needed for the sake of convenience.

Answering her question obliquely, he said, "I told Tremayne what had happened to Roxanne after it became obvious to me that he was very interested in her. He wants her to go with him when he leaves here."

From that response Serena gathered two things. The first was that Merlin was, for the moment at least, going to ignore how her question related to them personally. The second was that he had decided Tremayne was indeed the witness who would record the destruction of Atlantis for the future society of wizards.

Following his lead, she said, "How did he take it when you told him she was attacked?"

"He was furious enough to want to kill the men who attacked her; that was obvious. I was half afraid he'd blame her, but he didn't. He has an unusually compassionate nature for a man, or wizard, of this time."

"So you really did change history when you saved Roxanne's life, didn't you?"

Merlin shook his head. "There's no way to be sure of that, not until we return to our time. There are so many variables that could affect the outcome. Not the least of which is that Roxanne can still reject Tremayne, which would certainly leave him bitter and very likely to give his father and the other Elders on the Council of this time a negative report on what's happened here."

"What if she doesn't reject him?"

"If she doesn't reject him… if they're able to overcome the beliefs, prejudices, and fears to which they've both been exposed for most of their lives and create a positive relationship for themselves, then his report would probably be far less harsh and certainly wouldn't advise so drastic a step as destroying all women of power. If she leaves Atlantis with him, the future of our kind is likely to be very different."

"But we can't know for sure until we step back through the gate."

"No, we can't."

Serena thought about it for a moment. "Do you think we should do anything else to try and change the future? I mean, have you decided that the best chance of changing what's wrong in our present without screwing up everything else in our time is to help Tremayne and Roxanne overcome their doubts and wariness so they can leave here together?"

"It makes sense, I think. One person-if it's the right one, that is-can make a small but very critical decision that changes everything. I believe Tremayne is honest and fair-minded enough to be that voice."

"So you told him about Roxanne's being attacked, and he went rushing right over to comfort her?"

Ignoring her mild sarcasm, he said, "I told him about Roxanne. And I told him that even though it's against our very nature to allow anyone- anyone -to get close to us, we have to overcome that flaw."

"We?"

"Serena, I don't have all the answers. I can't tell you that the past few days resolved all my doubts or changed me in some fundamental way."

"But?" A dull ache between her shoulder blades told Serena she was standing too stiffly, too tensely, but she couldn't seem to make herself relax. This was too important, too vital to her happiness.

Merlin spoke slowly, as if feeling his way through a mine field. "But seeing what happened here, seeing the waste of lives and energies, the destruction of the powerless people and the death of Atlantis… I know I don't want any part of me to come from the wizards here, what they were and what they did. I know I don't want to be so closed and guarded that there's no room in my life for anyone else. No room for you. I don't want there to be any walls between us, Serena. Or boundaries we're afraid to cross. I know that."

"Does knowing make a difference?" Serena kept her voice matter-of-fact with an effort. "You still don't trust me. I can feel it."

"Do you trust me? Now, after knowing why we're here and what I'm capable of doing to you? You were afraid of me a few days ago, Serena-are you now?"

She wanted to back off, to fence with words and avoid the emotions clawing inside her because they were so painful and disturbing, but she fought against the urge. All around them lay a ruined city, a doomed society, and a dying land; she was no more willing than Merlin to allow herself to be poisoned by what was happening here.

"Not afraid," she denied at last. "But wary. And I do trust you, Richard, in so many ways… just not in all the unthinking ways I used to trust you."

Merlin was a little surprised that it hurt so much to hear her say that. "I see."

"I wonder if you do. You didn't answer me; does knowing make a difference? Maybe you don't want to be closed and guarded… but you are . Maybe this place and what's happening here sickens you, but you still see and feel the boundaries created by what happened here millennia before you were born. I'm a woman and a wizard-and all your instincts tell you that's wrong, unnatural, something to loathe and fear. We both know that. And knowing it doesn't change a damned thing."

He drew a short breath and let it out, wishing she weren't right. "What do you want me to say, Serena?"

She took a jerky step toward him, her arms still crossed defensively. "It isn't enough to define the problem. Change it, Richard. Fix it. Heal the wound the way you healed Roxanne's, the way you mended my broken wrist when I was sixteen." Completely beyond her ability to halt it, a hot tear slipped from the corner of one eye and trickled down her cheek. "Make it all right again, please," she whispered.