Elmore Leonard - Maximum Bob

He said to Hector, “You have my robe on.”

Hector shook his head. “This is my robe.”

“Are you sure?”

“You left your robe by the swimming pool.”

Dr. Tommy said, “Oh.” As he turned to go back he noticed Kathy in the sofa. He gave her a nod, said, “How are you today?” and kept going. Still scratching himself.

Kathy watched him walk out into the sunlight, the doctor’s rear end somewhat lighter than the rest of him, the doctor holding a straight course but all the way gone, stoned out of his skull. She turned to Hector.

“What’re you doing?”

He had his back to her and was bent over, taking something off inside his robe. He turned to her and extended a G-string hanging from one finger. Black with silver sequins.

Kathy said, “Thank you,” and got out of there.

Bob Gibbs had skipped his after-work stop at the Helen Wilkes and come straight home to put on a clean sport shirt and be ready for an interview this evening. A little girl from somewhere like the Port St. Lucie Shopping News wanted to talk to him about judging people’s character. She’d stopped in his chambers to set it up, a little wide-eyed cutie with country ways about her. He liked country girls, they learned early about nature and how animals did it. This one-he couldn’t think of her name-was brand-new at her profession, not yet cynical or slick at telling lies. The kind would write down everything he said and laugh at his wit.

In the kitchen he poured himself a Jim Beam thinking about character and how to judge it. The best way, you look at their priors. He saw offenders standing before him in their state-blue outfits and began thinking about auras-strange-not his own, other people’s, wondering what it would be like to see colors glowing off their bodies. It was something he had never given a thought to without Leanne bringing it up. He could tell the little girl from Port St. Lucie that’s what he did, checked their auras. She’d say, Really? Tell her you can do it once you have the gift. If you’re perceptive. First, of course, you have to be able to clear your mind of-what was the word, prejudicial or preconceived ideas? Something like that. You had to open your mind and heart, get rid of negative thoughts.

He was facing the window above the sink, looking out as he sipped his whiskey, so that the voice came from his left.

“Big?”

From the doorway to the dining area where Leanne stood smiling at him.

He said, “Jesus Christ.”

And she bowed her head at the reverence in his tone. “You’ve changed, Big. I can see it. The messenger told me you had, but I was doubtful till now I see it with my own eyes.”

He said, “Leanne?”

Not to question her identity. He wanted to know what she was doing here, but couldn’t get the words out.

“The messenger, Big, confirmed what my entity has been telling me all along, that it was selfish of me to leave when I know I can be the source of your enlightenment. Big?… I’m home.”

He said, “Oh, God.”

Leanne answered, “Praise be.”

Elvin wanted to see her. He wasn’t sure why, other than he wanted to look at her knowing what he knew.

He stopped at a bar right after leaving the beauty parlor. The bartender, watching him throw down that first one, asked had he almost got run over or was some old girl’s husband after him? Elvin still pumped up at the time, but okay now.

He’d waited in the car about an hour, then walked up to the entrance and checked her apartment number, 219. When a couple in casual retirement clothes came along and entered, he went in with them, the guy in his golf hat giving him a look and Elvin said, “I’m going to see my probation officer. Is that all right with you folks?” He walked upstairs to 219, knocked on the door to make sure, then sat down on the floor with his back against the wall. He had to tip his Ox Bow forward as the brim kept hitting.

An old woman in a housecoat came by carrying her trash down the hall. She looked worried glancing at him, but didn’t speak till on her way back.

“Can I help you?”

Elvin had to take his hat off to look up at her.

“Do what?”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine and dandy.”

He wondered what the woman would say if he told her he’d just shot two people. Watch her face. He couldn’t help but grin thinking of it.

“I’m waiting on the girl lives here? She’s my probation officer.”

“Oh,” the woman said, and got inside her apartment and shut the door. He could hear her throwing the bolts.

It wasn’t hard to scare people. Knowing it about them could serve you, too. He knew Ms. Touchy was afraid of him. What might work, use it to get her in bed then, hell, she finds out she likes it. You gonna tell on me? No way, Daddy, gimme some more. He wondered if she might’ve heard anything by now about her boyfriend. If she was a person they’d inform. He’d stopped by her office after leaving the bar and was told she was on the street.

Elvin must’ve waited almost another hour before he heard the elevator door open and close and there she was, coming along the hall with a bag of groceries, one finger dangling a ring of keys. Elvin got to his feet and put his hat on, noticing she seemed calm.

“What’re you doing here?”

He said, “Lemme help you,” reaching for the groceries, but she pulled back.

“Elvin, what do you want?”

“Just to talk to you, that’s all.”

“We talk at the office. You were supposed to come in yesterday for a urine test.”

“I forgot all about it.”

“Tomorrow, or you’re in trouble.”

“I was in today, you weren’t there.”

“You came and left.”

“I had some business to take care of. Can’t I come in for just a minute?”

“Elvin, get out of here right now. Leave.”

She didn’t seem upset, like she’d heard anything yet.

“I’m working tomorrow,” Elvin said, trying to keep it going. “You know my job I told you about?”

It stopped her. He could tell the way she was looking at him she wanted to say something.

Just then the phone started ringing inside her apartment.

Now as she turned to the door getting the key ready, he said, “Here,” and took the grocery sack from her. She glanced at him getting the door open, not wasting any time. But now she seemed in doubt whether to take the groceries back or run answer the phone, leaving him out here holding them. He said, “Go on, I’ll set ‘em down inside,” and she did, more anxious to get the phone than worried about him coming in.

Elvin walked over to a table in the dining-L with the groceries. Nice place, pictures on the walls… Ms. Touchy stood at a desk in the living room, her back to him as she talked on the phone, saying “Yeah?” a couple of times, but mostly listening. Elvin set the groceries on the table and stood watching. He heard her say, “Lou, just tell me what happened.” He heard her say, “Oh, Jesus,” and then, “Where is he? Is he all right?” Elvin sure now they were talking about her boyfriend, the hair puller. He saw her turn then to look this way, directly at him, as she said, “He’s dead, isn’t he?” It gave Elvin a funny feeling the way she kept staring at him as she listened to what was said to her. She said something else he didn’t catch and saw her hang up the phone.

Still looking at him.

He said, “You get some bad news?”

She didn’t answer. Just kept looking, like she was in some kind of state.

He said, “Well,” and moved to the door. It was as he reached it, about to go out, he heard her say:

“You followed him, didn’t you?”

Elvin kept going. There was no talking to an upset, emotional woman.