Iris Johansen - Dark Rider

"Waiting for you." He stopped before her. "It's been eight days, but I knew you'd come here eventually. I've been waiting here every night. You might choose to avoid me, but never Kapu. You must really have been desperate to hide from me to keep away from him for an entire week."

She evaded the accusation. "Since we're going to leave tomorrow, I wanted him to know I'd be with him. You know how he hates ships."

"He'll be all right. He'll have Morgana in the cargo hold with him this time. Cassie, I-"

She quickly turned back to the stallion. "It seems such a long time since I saw him. So much has happened…"

"Yes." He paused and then said deliberately, "I've killed a man and your father is dead." He took a step closer and added fiercely, "But you know I didn't kill your father, so why won't you talk to me?"

"There's nothing to say."

"There's everything to say. You would have died to save me, and now you don't think I'm worth a word?"

"I owed you a debt. You didn't have to come when Cambre sent for you."

"Of course I had to come. I could no more have stopped myself than I could have stopped breathing." He turned her to face him. "Stop looking at that stallion. I'm trying to tell you something."

"I don't want to hear it."

"You're going to hear it anyway. I'm not going to let you walk away from me this time. We've gone too far." His eyes held hers. "I know this isn't the time, but I can't help it. I came to you when Cambre sent for me because we were meant to be together and I didn't want to live without you. You stepped in front of me when Cambre was pointing that pistol for the same reason. We belong to each other, and I'm not going to let you go because of everything that's gone before. Though he may have saved my life, I'll never be able to share fond memories of your father. But you'll never hear me speak against him. It's over, we start again." He drew a deep breath. "That's all I wanted to say. I'm not going to force you. I know I have to give you time to heal. I just wanted you to-" He stopped and then the frustration exploded. "Just don't avoid me. I can't stand it, goddammit." He released her and started toward the door.

"It's not possible," she burst out. "I thought I was like Lihua and Lani, but I'm more selfish. I can't live-"

"At Morland?" he interrupted. "Then we'll live half the year on your island."

"That's not what I mean." This was incredibly painful. She said haltingly. "I… cannot be your mistress."

He gazed at her incredulously. "My God, haven't you heard a word I said? I don't want a mistress, I want a wife!" He strode out of the stable and slammed the door.

She stared after him in astonishment, her head awhirl with the words he had spoken.

We were meant to be together.

I'll never let you walk away again.

Wife.

He had said everything but the word she wanted most to hear, the word that had been forbidden to them since they had first met.

She could not condemn him when she had not said it either.

She turned back to Kapu and laid her head against his. A tingling, glowing warmth was moving through her, dissolving the ice and sadness. A new start… Dear heaven, how she wanted to start anew with Jared. Right now, this minute.

No, not yet. In English eyes she was in mourning and therefore inviolate. She had been grateful for that belief when she had been trying to avoid Jared, but now she would have to think of a way to banish those scruples.

The Josephine .

She smiled as she gently stroked the stallion.

Oh yes, definitely, the Josephine .

The next day Josette looked so woebegone standing alone in the courtyard as they rode through the gates that it almost broke Cassie's heart.

Blinking to keep back tears, Cassie waved to the girl. "I'm going to miss her."

Lani nodded. "But it may not be forever. Jared may let her come to us for a visit."

Cassie's gaze went to Jared riding ahead with Bradford, and joy surged through her. Lani was right, it would not be forever.

"What is it?" She turned to see Lani studying her speculatively. "You suddenly seem very cheerful."

"I'm happy to be going home."

"No, that's not all. Tell me."

Cassie smiled. "There's nothing to tell."

But there would be soon. The thought sent another ripple of pleasure through her, and she suddenly felt light as air. But first, there was something she had to do. She turned to Lani. "Did I tell you Papa said I was to take care of you?"

"No." Lani clearly found the thought startling. "You only said he had spoken of me with love. I need no one to care for me."

"You have no need but you deserve it." She smiled. "However, the task may prove too difficult for me. I think we'll have to arrange to choose someone in my stead." Her gaze went to Bradford. "I believe that's a likely lad."

"He's hardly a lad."

"He is around you."

"He drinks too much."

"Not any longer. I haven't seen him take more than a glass of wine."

"He's stubborn and contrary."

"Then you'll find him a challenge."

Lani frowned. "He made me stay in that pension when I wanted to go to you. He says he needs me and then he does not take my help. I told him I wouldn't forgive him."

"A terrible crime," Cassie said solemnly. "No wonder you haven't spoken to him since Papa's death."

Lani was silent a long time. "I am Polynesian. You saw how people behaved at that woman's ball. I will not hurt him."

Cassie knew she had reached the source; all the other excuses were barriers to protect Bradford. "You've always told me to be true to myself and that others didn't matter. Was it a lie?"

"No, it was not a lie," Lani said. "But I cannot hurt him."

"You'll hurt him if you force him to leave you."

Lani's lips quivered slightly before she firmed them. "I don't wish to speak of this."

"Then don't speak, do something. You're not a woman who can close herself away from life. Reach out to him."

"I will think about it."

Cassie said no more. She had planted a seed, but Lani would not tolerate any overt interference.

Well, perhaps a little interference…

"Cassie said you wanted to see me."

Lani turned away from watching Jared and Cassie lead the horses up the gangplank and saw Bradford beside her. His expression was eager and boyish, and she felt a melting deep within her. She wanted to smack Cassie.

"She was mistaken."

His face fell with disappointment, and she felt an impulse to gather him close and soothe the pain away.

He forced a smile. "I should have known it was too soon. You're still mourning."

"No," she said. "Charles will always be with me, but the time for mourning is past."

"But you won't have me."

She shook her head.

"Then I'll wait. I'll wait forever."

He would do it. She gazed at him helplessly. "How can I convince you this is not a good thing for you?"

"It's a wonderful thing for me. The most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me."

"We live in different worlds."

"True. Won't it be interesting?"

"No, it will be cruel and hard and-"

"You're weeping," he said in wonder.

"I'm not without sympathy for your pain."

"And your own."

She didn't answer for a moment, and when she did, the words were nearly inaudible. "And my own."

His face lit with a luminous smile. "You love me."

"I… have a certain affection for you."

"You love me."

"All right, I love you," she burst out. "Are you satisfied now?" She took a swift step back when he reached out to touch her. "No!"

His hand fell to his side. "I won't move quickly. Not if you don't want me to."

She desperately wanted him to touch her, but she was afraid she would flow into his arms and all would be lost. She had to remain in control of the situation, or he would destroy himself. "I can't convince you to leave me?"