Lori Avocato - Dead On Arrival

Oh…my…God.

Buzz was so upset that he couldn’t drive home. Dano had peeled out of the parking lot at high speed and neither Jagger nor Lilla were in sight, so I volunteered to give Buzz a lift. The poor guy needed a friend, and I was like a flame to a moth for poor souls. My darn nurturing nurse’s nature kicked in, and I found myself sitting in the driveway of an adorable little yellow Victorian house with white trim.

“You wanna come in?” Buzz asked.

I did, but only out of curiosity-like a rubbernecker. What kind of house would Buzz Lightyear live in? Thinking it rude though, I said, “No, hon. I’m tired. Better get home.”

Buzz turned to me. I’d seen that look before in the eyes of my nephews when I’d disappointed them-mostly by buying the wrong toys as Christmas presents. Hey, I was childless!

Before I knew it, I was standing in the foyer of the house from Leave It to Beaver, only much smaller and in color-a bit brighter but nonetheless odd and bordering on retro.

Buzz offered me a glass of iced tea, which I politely accepted. He brought me a pink glass, and the iced tea looked pink too. I only hoped Red #40 food dye didn’t cause me to become hyper.

“Here you go,” Buzz said.

“Thanks. I really can’t stay long.”

I wondered if I could drink with my mouth agape. Looking around this place caused just that.

Then a woman came in the back door. “Hello, my honey!” she called in a bright voice.

“Hi, Mommy. I’m home with a friend.”

If I’d been in mid-swallow, I’d have spewed tea out on the braided rug beneath my feet. A friend! Mommy! “Hey, don’t want to make Lilla jealous,” I teased.

Buzz looked rather serious. “She is a friend too.”

Whoa, boy. Must have been trouble in Eden. I smiled and followed him into the kitchen. Now, I really wasn’t one to judge, since Stella Sokol’s kitchen was a retro throwback, but this place, all done in pink, and I mean all done in pink, was circa 1960. And all the pink was plastic. The blender. The phone and its cord, and the toaster. Pink. Pink. Pink.

I vowed I would never wear pink or take Pepto-Bismol again.

“Did you show your friend your room?” Buzz’s mother asked.

What? Actually, she hadn’t said it in any sexual way. Nope. It was more like we’d come home for recess and my buddy Buzz would show me his prize trophies.

Well, I wasn’t far off, I thought, when Buzz led me to his room.

It was small, with a single bed with a brown plaid bedspread, but what struck me most were the walls. They were covered in posters of ambulances. On one bookshelf was a stack of EMT magazines-well read I might add-and there were little ambulances on all the other shelves.

I looked at the window and noticed the tiny red crosses on the curtains.

“What do you think, Miss Pauline?”

“Wow,” was all I could manage, and then quickly came to my senses and looked at my watch. “Oh, geez. I have to run. This place is great! You’re great!”

Before he could say a word, I was out of there, and I think I forgot to say goodbye to his mom, and I still had the glass of tea in my hand.

I spent the evening with Goldie and Miles, who kept insisting that I’d made up all the stories of the day. I told them that I really wanted Buzz to succeed as an EMT but had my doubts, and that my imagination wasn’t so good that I could make all that up.

Buzz was a veritable magnet for accidents, as ER Dano was a magnet for whacko patients, we’d all concluded. Then again, only Dano could handle some of them.

After much consideration, I decided not to call Dano, but to give him his space. He didn’t phone me either, so I went to sleep with a rather empty feeling inside; but when I woke and dressed for a new day, I decided Dano could probably use the rest anyway, and I’m sure a day without pay wouldn’t affect him as it would have affected Buzz, who would have lost his job.

I had more respect for Dano now, and a bit more feelings too. I could feel myself blush as I walked into the lounge at TLC.

Jagger was sitting on the couch with Jennifer. My mind tried to head toward jealousy, but then I thought of Dano, and that Jagger and I were coworkers and there was damn Airbrush Lady to think about. Guess I’d purposely put her out of my mind.

Suddenly my name was called over the intercom. I had a helicopter run to take. Almost glad that it’d get me out of here and my mind off Dano’s absence, I waved to Jagger and walked out the door.

At the helipad, I put on my helmet and noticed someone already in the back, strapped in. Mario, taking a catnap yet again.

Sky was at the controls and turned to wave at me as I got in. Over the microphone he told me about the case, and I stepped into the back and sat down, grabbing my harness from the wall. With Mario along, I figured I need not worry about Sky’s guilt or no guilt.

We picked up the patient at Saint Greg’s and safely dropped him off at Yale New Haven Hospital.

Mario never took his helmet off, and I guessed he was now fast asleep next to me. A little nap wasn’t such a bad idea. But then I saw him looking at me, and I gave him a thumbs-up.

Wait a minute. Mario didn’t have such long skinny legs. He was more muscular. Hmm. I leaned over to him. “Hey,” I said into my microphone.

“Hello, Miss Pauline.”

Buzz Lightyear.

Oh, geez. I only hoped this wasn’t going to be a repeat of yesterday. I mean, bumping a cement bollard with an ambulance was one thing, but would darling Buzz bring bad luck to a flying tin can that had rotary blades only held on by one “Jesus nut?”

Thank goodness we’d gotten the patient safely to his destination. I had no idea that Buzz did helicopter runs, but figured, what did I know? I hadn’t been at TLC all that long.

After a few prayers that we’d stay airborne, I leaned back in my seat and shut my eyes. A seemingly uneventful trip, even with Buzz Lightyear aboard. I started to relax.

While in my groggy state, I felt a thud. My eyelids flew open and my heart now thudded. “What’s going on?” I yelled.

But Sky didn’t answer. He didn’t say a thing as to why we had just landed on a beach. It looked like Long Island Sound!

For a few seconds, I sat there and told myself I must be dreaming. I blinked several times and the scenery didn’t change.

The helicopter, in fact, sat on a beach. I knew it was Long Island Sound now, but a rather secluded section. No cottages nearby. No boardwalk like at Hammonasset State Beach. Not sure where we were or why, I unhooked myself and saw the door already open.

I stepped out onto the sand and called, “Sky? Buzz? Sky? Did we break down or something?”

Over my helmet microphone I heard, “You had to ruin everything. She was going to make me rich. She owed me.”

What the hell?

Despite the static, I figured out the voice belonged to Buzz. Rich? She?

“And how the hell…What the hell did you do to Mario?” Sky asked.

I froze.

“Just a matter of a little left-over medication from a psych teen yesterday. He’ll sleep it off in the locker room.” Buzz laughed…eerily. “No one will pay attention since Mario sleeps so much.”

Oh…my…God!

I got back in the helicopter to call 911 on the radio. When I grabbed the microphone, the entire wiring system came with it.

Someone had pulled it out.

Buzz.

I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket, but it said No service. I frantically pushed buttons to no avail. Shoot!

“Sky?” I yelled. I started to take off my helmet so I could go find someone to help. But before I lifted it all the way off, I recognized Sky’s voice again.

“I loved her, you loser. She’d never do shit for you. She should have given you up for adoption at birth. You loser-”