Lori Avocato - Dead On Arrival

Thank goodness Lilla sashayed into the room at that very moment, before Dano could punt Buzz across the room.

She gave Buzz a big smile.

He seemed more nervous than usual, but they sat down together.

“Talk about the odd couple,” Dano muttered.

I slugged his arm and said, “Shut up,” just as Ambulance #456 was called over the intercom. “Ten fifty-four on 442 Lincoln Street.

Dano, Buzz and I left our mugs on the table and hurried out. Lilla wished us luck (and with her Canadian accent I thought she sounded so cool).

Buzz was blushing from ear to ear when we got to the ambulance, where we all stuck on raingear, since a monsoon had decided the flowers needed watering. Dano insisted on driving-with me up front.

Darling Buzz didn’t argue, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I think the sweetie actually winked at me!

Dano drove #456 like it was a multimillion dollar Rolls. No one could take corners as smoothly or get us to our destination as quickly. On the way, he’d explained to me that the call was a teenager who supposedly was having a panic attack of some sort, according to the caller, a neighbor.

“Might be drugs,” Dano said as we pulled down Lincoln Street.

“Over there,” I said, pointing to an old green-and-beige three-story house with two cop cars parked in front. “Cops?”

Dano jumped out and Buzz already was there, getting the bag. “Neighbors didn’t tell dispatch everything,” he growled.

We ran toward the back of the house where two cops were standing. Just our luck. The rain seemed to pour harder, which seemed impossible. I could barely see with the hood of my yellow slicker up and no windshield wipers to keep my vision clear.

Dano yelled to the cop nearest the door. “What’s up?”

He pointed toward the house. “She’s in there. Be careful.”

Careful? Did he mean that she was in such bad shape that we had to take care not to let her die, or-

Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream followed by ripe cursing came from the house.

Dano shook his head, “Shit. Nutcase.”

I wanted to chastise him, but we didn’t have time. First he yelled to the cops to stay out in front in case any family members came home or neighbors came by to gawk. Then we all went in, slipping and sliding on the hardwood floors.

“You fuckers get the hell out of my house!” The voice came from what must have been the bathroom, because there seemed to be a shower running.

“You think she’s going to commit suicide?” Buzz asked.

Dano looked at him for a second. “If I could see through the freaking walls, I’d let you know.”

The female voice said, “It’s the end.”

Hearing that Dano ran down the hallway and shoved the bathroom door open, shouting, “What’s wrong, ma’am?”

Dano’s shoulder must have hurt, was all I could think as he broke the door open, sending pieces of the frame flying. Damn, but that always looked easier to do on TV.

We all took a step forward and stopped.

There, standing in the middle of the tub with steaming-hot water pulsating down on her, was a teenage girl, about fifteen or sixteen, with her underwear on. She was holding a soggy stuffed Snoopy doll in one hand. Her legs were beet red from the heat. In the other hand she held a knife.

God, how I hated knives. But this one looked like a butter knife, which made me feel a lot better. In seconds, Dano had it out of her hand, and her out of the shower. As I reached over to turn it off, she kicked and screamed, nearly shoving me into the tub, which had the stopper in and was full of hot water.

A hand touched my back and I felt Buzz pulling me up. “You all right, Miss Pauline?”

“Fine.” Just then the girl slugged Dano in the groin and he yelped and let her go-so she took off running down the hallway.

Dano looked at me. “Shit. Why is it that I always attract the whackos?”

Since I didn’t have time to agree with Dano (although I did), we ran out, following Buzz, who was following the patient. I wanted to throw a robe on her, since her underwear had now become quite transparent.

When we got to the back door, there was no sign of the cops. Dano muttered a few curses and said they’d better just be out in front somewhere, where he’d told them to wait.

Buzz was out front running and sliding in the wet grass after the girl like Bambi on ice. The girl, however, seemed to have better traction with her bare feet, which I guessed were very used to going without shoes. Calluses probably helped.

“Leave me the hell alone!” she shouted.

Several neighbors came to the fence and one yelled, “Rebecca is not supposed to even be here. Her old man took her to the mental hospital yesterday. Guess she got out.”

Dano and I looked at each other.

“You go left,” he ordered.

I followed his suggestion, but when I got close enough to grab her, I ended up in a heap on top of Buzz, not even sure what went wrong other than “Rebecca” was slick. And not just because she was wet.

I could see Dano get close enough to her to grab her, but he hesitated. No loose clothing to grab onto. The underwear clung like a second skin and obviously Dano didn’t want to grab just anything.

“Can’t you get one little lady?” the burly cop rounding the corner of the house called out to Dano.

I heard a new curse word this time from Dano and thought the cop was taking his own life into his hands, and I wouldn’t want to be in his black boots once Dano had Rebecca secure on the stretcher.

The other cop came up behind the first one and they started laughing. Dano and Buzz kept trying to grab the girl to no avail-she was like the proverbial greased pig.

“Come on, Nightingale. Get your ass over here!” Dano shouted.

I got up, couldn’t help but wipe some recently cut grass from my raincoat, and ran toward where he pointed, trying to ignore the squish of my shoes and the mud that dotted my outfit. We’d tackled each other numerous times, as if in the fourth quarter of a football game, until we finally came at Rebecca from three directions and all landed in a heap on top of her in the middle of the backyard.

She looked at me and said, “Hey, my name is Rebecca. What’s yours?”

I bit my tongue while Dano took off his raincoat to cover the girl.

Wow. How sweet.

And my heart did a little end-zone touchdown happy dance.

Rebecca had chosen me instead of the males in the group to talk to, just as Pansy had.

We got Rebecca safely to the hospital. Dano followed the ER doctor’s orders en route to medicate her since she’d freaked out. Dano and I took her in while Buzz stayed to clean up the ambulance. While we stood talking to the doctor, he came in and turned in the remaining half vial of medication that had been used on Rebecca, then went back out to the ambulance.

I watched the nurse throw what was left out and give Dano the replacement medication to put in his box. I could hear poor Rebecca screaming in Exam Room 3, and I wanted to go hug her. I did step in and tried to talk to her, but she tried to bite me. With that I looked at the staff, wished them well and was out the door to find the guys.

“Got a chest pain,” Buzz yelled in the doorway.

Dano and I flew out the doorway and off on another run. This job was truly exhausting, and I could see how someone in it year after year could burn out. I’d been there, done that in medicine myself.

One could only take watching the suffering of human beings for so long.

Still, as evidenced by Dano covering up Rebecca, the guy had kept his smarts about him and his heart.

If he stayed at TLC much longer…who knew what he’d end up like?

Thank goodness Jagger had drifted toward helping Lieutenant Shatley with Payne’s homicide and the attempt on Pansy’s life, since I kept getting so tied up on real life-and-death situations. Leaving me to deal with the insurance fraud made sense.