Kathryn Lilley: Makeovers Can Be Murder

Jana buried her head in her hands, then looked up at me. ″How could I have been such an idiot? I was completely in thrall to him. Oh my God, Kate, the sex we had at the beginning was incredible . Actually it′s still pretty good. It was never like that before with anyone else. How can a man fake that?″

″Don′t put the blame on yourself. Love can make us blind.″ Ugh. Why do love-gone-wrong conversations always come off sounding like song titles? I wondered.

After a short silence, Jana said slowly, ″You know what really bothers me? Gavin′s online ID. I found him listed on a couple of those dating sites-he calls himself Shug, for ′sugar.′ That was my pet name for him when we first met.″

″What a bastard,″ I replied. ″Of course, I′ll retract that statement immediately if the two of you get back together.″

She gave me a wan smile. ″No chance in hell of that happening,″ she said. ″Right now, I just want to strangle him.″

Before I could respond, a tall waitress dressed all in black arrived at the table to take our order. I ordered a grilled chicken salad, Jana the spinach quiche.

When we were alone again, Jana said, ″One more thing, Kate.″

″Shoot.″

″I′m pretty sure Gavin′s been stealing money from me.″

″Stealing?″ Yikes. ″How much?″

″About thirty thousand dollars is missing from one of our bank accounts. When I confronted him about it two days ago, he refused to discuss it. He knows I′m angry about it. Since then he′s gone crazy with our credit cards. He′s run up about fifty thousand dollars in cash advances. I just shut down all the credit cards a couple of hours ago.″

Taking a deep breath, I said, ″Jana, I think you need to consult a lawyer, not just me. Does your family have lawyers you can call?″

″No!″ Jana shrank back from the table. ″I can′t tell anyone in Miami about my situation yet. If I tell my family′s lawyers, it′ll get right back to my brother, Belmont. I′m afraid he′ll do something drastic.″

″Like what?″

″I don′t know. Belmont controls our family business, and he already thinks I′m immature about men. I don′t even know what he could do, frankly. I just want to handle this divorce by myself, at least the initial stages. I′ve already acted enough like a fool.″

I wasn′t sure that ″handling″ a cheating, thieving spouse all by herself would make her seem any less foolish in her brother′s eyes. But I would do whatever I could to help my friend.

After pausing for a moment to consider whether it would be wise to unleash a caveman on my genteel friend, I said, ″I do know a guy who might be able to help. He′s a former cop named Beau Fisher. Everyone just calls him Fish. He used to be on the Durham bunco squad.″

″Bunco squad? What′s that?″

″They bust confidence swindlers,″ I said, extracting my cell phone from my pocket to look up Fish′s number.

″Confidence? That′s perfect. Gavin swindled my trust in him big-time.″

Tapping Fish′s number into her own phone, Jana continued, ″I′ll call this guy Fish as soon as we finish lunch. I want to have the wheels in motion before I go back to Miami.″

Sensing a shadow near my left elbow, I looked up. Standing next to me was the person I′d been trying desperately to avoid: Lainey Lanston.

″Well, hel lo there, Kate.″ The reporter′s caustic voice cut through the air and landed with a rattle against my eardrum. ″Working hard, or hardly working?″

″Hi, Lainey,″ I said, not bothering not to roll my eyes. I looked over her shoulder for Floyd the councilman, but there was no sign of him. He′d probably drifted into the bar in search of an early-bird drinking buddy.

″The whole newsroom is buzzing about your new fat-scam series,″ Lainey said to me, then shifted her gaze to Jana. ″We′re just dying to see Kate in her swimsuit segment. Did she tell you about it?″

If I′d had any kind of segment in my hand right then, I′d have shoved it right up her mini-sized ass, which right then was encased in a ruffled, ruby red skirt topped by a jacket that was cut low enough to show plenty of cleavage. Look at me; I′m so fine , her outfit screamed.

″Well, stay tuned-it′ll be worth waiting for,″ I said, stretching my lips wide enough to show plenty of teeth.

When I let a long moment pass without introducing her to Jana, Lainey′s eyes narrowed.

″Well, I′ve got to go work on my county hospital piece,″ she said, checking in with the pager she had clipped to the outside of her patent leather tote bag. ″Beatty just assigned it to me. Did you know? I guess you′ve been too busy. Enjoy your lunch, ladies.″ Without waiting for a response, she spun about on a spiked heel.

As Lainey marched away, Jana raised her eyebrows at me. ″Was that a friend of yours?″ she asked with a smile.

″Not even when she′s pretending. Which she wasn′t just then.″

″Well, her boobage is really hideous. She should have gone to Dr. Medina for her breast implants.″

″I thought Lainey′s figure had changed since she switched from newspapers to TV,″ I said, suddenly wishing I′d studied her cleavage more closely. ″But how could you tell she had implants? ″

″You can always tell a cheap boob job by the mile-wide cleavage,″ Jana said. ″Those saline sacs will be sliding down to her belly button by the end of the first year.″

″Ah.″

I tried to console myself with visions of Lainey being stuck with a boob job gone wrong, but her parting shot about taking over the county hospital story had left a smoking hole in my stomach. I′d just assumed the story was mine-a stupid assumption now that she was dogging my heels day and night. I′d already looked into charges that the hospital was dumping homeless people on skid row. It was going to be a huge story. Her huge story now.

Obviously Lainey had taken the lead on the fast track. She′d always been my major competitor for stories even when she′d worked in print. But things were worse now that she was digging her little stiletto heels into my home turf. Now she was more than just my competition. Now she was a threat to my job.

When the waitress came with our check, Jana mentioned that she′d lost her purse the night before.

″Can you believe this, Kate?″ she said. ″I feel just like one of those rich jerks who invites people out for lunch and then doesn′t pay. I′m sorry.″

″Don′t be silly.″

″Do you remember me having my purse at Trish′s house? I thought I brought it there, but I didn′t have it at the Hilton when I got back last night.″

″Let′s see,″ I said, trying to dig up a memory. ″Did it have a woven metallic finish? Bronze colored?″

″Right! My Miu Miu bag-I thought I′d brought it in there with me last night,″ she said. ″Okay, so I left it at Trish′s house. No wonder; I was so distracted about seeing Shaina. Phew! I′ll leave her another message, but I think she and Archer are leaving town. Maybe their son is still there. What′s his name? D′you know?″

″Chaz, I think.″

″That′s right. Chaz must have answered when I called their house this morning. But when I mentioned my purse he just grunted and hung up.″

″No surprise there,″ I said. ″He′s probably still out of it. I smelled pot on him last night. It was pretty strong.″

″Uh-oh. I don′t think Trish knows anything about that,″ Jana said. ″But then, she′s such a Gidget, she might thinks it′s incense. According to her, the boy′s highly gifted with computers, but a little low on the social IQ.″

″Well, last night he would′ve scored high on a drug test,″ I said, reaching for the check.