Lawrence Sanders - Private Pleasures

"Are you all right, Son?"

"Oh sure. They haven't hit me or anything. They just pushed me in a car outside our house and drove me here. It's a snatch, Dad."

"Chet, put the man on again."

After a moment he came back on the line and said, "Satisfied, Mr.

Barrow?"

"You hurt him, and I'll kill you, I said.

"No need for threats," he said calmly. "We have no intention of harming the boy-if you agree to our terms."

"How much?" I asked hoarsely.

"Not money," he said. "Just a few of the ZAP pills.

I caught my breath. "How did you know about that? "

"What difference does it make?" he said. "That's the ransom, Mr.

Barrow. You hand over a few testosterone pills to us, and the boy walks away unhurt.

You refuse, and I can't guarantee his safety. Think it over. I'll call you in about an hour, either at the lab or at your home, and give you instructions for delivery.

I suggest you refrain from informing the police. That wouldn't be smart, Mr. Barrow." Then he disconnected, and I sat staring at the dead phone in my hand. There was a pounding on my lab door. I unlocked it, and Marleen Todd rushed in.

" Greg, " she said in a stricken voice, "Tania just called and said something dreadful happened to Chester."

"I know," I said. "I've got to get home."

"I'm going with you," she said.

Willie sat in the backseat, hanging on to the boy while I drove.

I was afraid the kid might scream or start crying but he was no trouble at all. He just kept asking how much ransom we were going to demand.

To tell you the truth, I think he was en)oying it, like it was a big adventure he could brag about to his pals.

When we got to my place, we hustled him inside and closed all the venetian blinds. Our original plan was to tie him up in case he got any ideas of making a break for it. But he was so well behaved we didn't have to use the clothesline I had bought. I brought him a Coke and some Doritos and he thanked me politely.

Nice kid.

Willie called Gregory Barrow at the lab and let him talk to his son a minute to prove we had him. Then he told Barrow we wanted the ZAP pill and would call again in an hour to tell him how to make the drop.

"Let him sweat awhile," Willie said after he hung up "My Dad don't sweat," the kid said.

Willie said, "Doesn't." I thought that was funny.

I got myself a vodka and a club soda for Brevoort. Then I phoned Laura at Hashbeam's like I had promised and told her everything was copacetic.

We were all just sitting there waiting for the hour to pass when my front door bell rang.

"Don't answer it," Willie said in a whisper. "And everyone keep quiet." just to make sure, he got a grip on the Barrow boy and put a hand over his mouth.

The bell rang again, a good long ring, but we sat there without making a sound.

Then suddenly my front door burst open. It was locked and chained, but there was a splintering sound, and I thought it was coming off the hinges. It didn't, but it swung wide open, hung crazily, and the elephant who had put his beef to it came stumbling in. And right behind him was a little guy wearing wirerimmed glasses.

I knew who those bums were.

Believe me I've busted through heavier doors than that one. So Teddy O. and me go barreling in, and there's this classy-looking head, Willie Brevoort, and a little kid, a boy who was maybe ten years old, about that.

"Well, well, well," I says. "May we join the party?

No one says a word.

"I bet you're Jessica Fiddler," I says to blondie. "Am I right?"

She doesn't answer.

"And what's your name?" I says to the kid.

"My name is Chester Barrow," he says, "and I have been kidnapped. I think you should call the police and these people should go to jail."

I look at Teddy O and he looks at me.

"Kidnapped?" I says to the boy. "Why should they do that? is your daddy rich?"

"They don't want money," he says. "This man phoned my father at the laboratory where he works and told Dad he wants some kind of pills, and when he gets them I can go home."

I grin at Teddy O and he grins at me.

"Beautiful," I says. "Just lovely. And is your daddy going to hand over the pills?"

"I guess," the boy says. "This man told my father he'd call him again in a little while and tell him how to deliver the pills."

"Stoolie," Willie says.

"Hey," I says, "watch your language. He just wants to go home. Am I right, kid?"

"Yes," he says, "and they should go to jail."

"They certainly should," I says. "Willie, phone the boy's daddy and tell him to deliver the pills here." He doesn't make a move.

"Teddy," I says, "persuade him."

That guy was some slick operator. With one fast swoop he's got the sharpened ice pick out of the ankle sheath and he's holding the point under Brevoort's chin.

"Make the call, Willie," I says gently. "Tell the chemist to bring the pills here."

"Very well," he says.

Teddy O. looks disappointed.

After I left Herman Todd at that funky motel, I drove home as fast as I could. I had never been so humiliated in my life. I mean, after the way he, pitched me, I was primed for a world-class hump, but he turned out to be all talk and no do. All I got was an earful of caring, respect, warm understanding, and cuddling. What kind of bullshit is that?

When I got home, Greg, Marleen Todd, and Tania were standing in the driveway talking and all excited. They filled me in on what had happened, and I almost fainted. My first thought was that God was punishing me for going to the motel with Herm. I was. glad we hadn't screwed, or maybe I'd never see Chester again.

"Greg," I said, "what are we going to do?"

"Wait for the phone call," he said grimly, "and then do whatever they want to let Chet go."

"Maybe we should call the police."

"No," he said, "definitely not."

Then Marleen saw a pile of bags and suitcases stacked just inside our garage door. "Tania," she said,,lwhat is your overnight bag doing out here?"

The girl started crying. "Chet and I were going to run away," she sobbed.

"Oh my God," her mother said, flopped to her knees, hugged Tania, and started crying herself. Then I started crying. What a scene that was!

But then we heard the phone ring inside our house, and Greg dashed into the kitchen with me right behind him. He grabbed up the phone.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, this is Gregory Barrow. That's correct. Yes, I understand. Would you repeat the address, please. Thank you. I'll be there as soon as possible."

He hung up and rushed into the den with me on his heels.

"How much money do they want?" I asked him.

"They didn't say."

I watched him root around under a pile of magazines and dig out a little plastic container. He opened it and shook two white pills into the palm of one hand.

"What are you doing?" I said.

He shoved the pills into his mouth and gulped them down without water or anything. Then he shuddered, closed his eyes, and grabbed the edge of his desk. I think he was shaking.

"This is a hell of a time to be popping aspirin," I yelled at him.

His eyes opened slowly, and he stared at me.

What a look that was!

"Shut your big, fat mouth," he said.

Well, when those two guys came busting through the door, there was a huge one and a little one with glasses, I thought everything was going to be okay. I mean I figured they would call the police, and I would tell them how I got kidnapped. Then those crooks would go to jail, and the cops would take me home.

But it didn't work out like that. It looked like they all knew each other. The guy who claimed he was a friend of my dad, his name was Willie, and I think he was lying, I don't think he ever went to school with my father like he told me. He and the pretty lady, her name was Jessica, were the two crooks who snatched me.