Lawrence Sanders - Private Pleasures

And that's all she'd say.

I spent all Wednesday morning getting ready. Chester was out in the garage with Tania Todd-I guess they were playing or something-so I had the house to myself.

I was going to get all gussied up because this was a big deal in my life. But then I figured what was the point because I'd be bare-ass naked all afternoon and didn't have to impress Herm with my duds. He'd probably rip them off anyway. So after I showered, I just pulled on jeans and a cotton shirt so if anyone saw me, they'd think I was heading for Sears or someplace like that. , While I was doing my hair, Laura Gunther phoned from Hashbeam's Bo-teek.

"Mabel," she said, all excited, "you've got to come down right away.

We just got in a new shipment of lingerie, and you're going to love some of the things. I took one look and immediately thought of you."

"Aw, Laura," I said, "I can't make it today. I promised this friend to have lunch with her at Mizner Plaza. As a matter of fact, I was just leaving when you called."

"That's too bad," she said. "You'll be gone all day? "

"Probably," I told her. "But I'll try to stop by tomorrow.

"

"That's fine," she said. "See you then."

So I finished dressing. I didn't take a purse or handbag, just my wallet stuck in the hip pocket of my jeans. I didn't want to run the risk of leaving ID in the motel room.

"Chester, I'm going out now," I called into the garage.

"Got some shopping to do. I'll be home for dinner."

"Okay, Ma," he yelled. "Take your time."

I got into the Roadmaster, took a deep breath, and started out for Fort Lauderdale. Herm's directions were easy to follow, and I don't think it took much over twenty minutes to find the motel. What can I tell you-it looked like a motel. It wasn't the Ritz-Carlton, but it seemed clean enough. The best part was that it was way off in the woods, and the chances of being spotted by someone I knew were practically nil.

Like Herman promised, I had no trouble at the desk. They gave me his room number right away with no questions asked. Up to that point, everything had gone without a hitch, and I was really beginning to get excited at what was going to happen now.

The room he had rented was nothing special, just your standard motel flop, but what the hell, we weren't going to live there. What was a shock was Herm's behavior. He greeted me with this sappy smile, and if I didn't know better, I'd have guessed he was stoned. Not drunk, but stoned.

After the door closed and locked, he grabbed me in his arms and held me tightly. He said he wanted to snuggle awhile. So we stood there clasped together like a couple of idiots for what seemed like five minutes. "Oh, I just love to hug," he said.

"Don't you just love to hug?"

"Well, yeah, sure," I said. "A hug is okay. Sort of like an appetizer-know what I mean?"

Finally he turned me loose and led me over to one of the beds. We sat close together. Now we'll get down to business, I thought. Then I noticed a thing on the bedside table that looked like a little vending machine. it had a long wire leading to the mattress.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"Oh, that's funny," he said. "You turn it on, and the bed starts to vibrate."

"No kidding?" I said. "I've never seen anything like that.

Turn it on, Herm."

"We don't need it, sweetheart." , "I just want to see how it works. Switch it on.

So he did, and I turned the dial to High. Sure enough, the whole bed began to shake.

Hey," I said as we started jiggling, "that's crazy. Now's a good time to have a swig of Galliano."

"Oh, I forgot to bring it," he said. "But I do have this cold A amp;W diet root beer. Isn't that great!"

I just looked at him, and he put an arm around my shoulders.

"The important thing, Mabel," he said, "is caring. Don't you agree?"

"Oh sure," I said, wondering where the hell he was coming from.

"I care for you so much," he went on. "You have no idea.

Do you care for me, dear?"

"Would I be here if I didn,t?"

He held me tighter and nuzzled at my neck. "We must respect each other," he crooned, "and love each other. I want to tell you my innermost feelings, and I want you to tell me yours. I want us to be truly intimate, Mabel, to share all our secret thoughts and dreams."

Meanwhile that insane bed had warmed up, was going faster, and we were bouncing up and down like acrobats on a trampoline.

Herm had trouble hanging onto me.

"Just to cuddle with you is so wonderful," he said, speaking louder because the bed was beginning to sound like a meat grinder.

"I've wanted a romance like this all my life. I know now that if there can be warm understanding between a man and a woman, that's the most marvelous thing in the world."

"Herm," I said, "how do you turn this goddamned thing off?"

"You and I can create a whole new world of two," he babbled on, still with that sappy smile. "I want us to become so loving that nothing, not even death, can ever part us. Oh, Mabel, Mabel, Mabel, I love you so much.

"When?" I yelled. "When?"

He hugged me tighter to keep me from being bounced off.

"Snuggling like this," he shouted in my ear, "is the answer to my dreams. I want to spend the rest of my life being. the best, the truest, the most loving friend you've ever had. I want tall "Shit!" I screamed, and got off that galloping bed. I staggered a moment, caught my balance, and headed for the door.

As I ran down the corridor, I heard his echoing wail, "I love youuuuuu!"

EYEWITNESSTESTIMONY made a meet with Teddy O. on Wednesday morning, this is September 2, and I says to him, "Teddy, I'm sick and tired of futzing around. Let's do it today."

"Yeah," he says, "it's about time. I figure about one o'clock will be best. The Fiddler dame is usually home then."

"How do we do it?"

He shrugs. "Nothing fancy. We just bust in and ask her politely to give us the name of her boyfriend, the chemist with the ZAP pill."

"And if she clams up?"

"Then we unclam her," he says, grinning. "Believe me, she'll talk.

Either the easy way or the hard way."

"Okay," I says. "Let's leave here at noon. Maybe we'll grab a burger and some fries first. We'll go in your car. Are you sure you won't need any backup?"

"I'm sure," he says.

I phoned Mabel Barrow on Wednesday morning, figuring to get her out of the house by tricking her into coming to the Bo-teek to look at a new shipment of lingerie. But she said she had a lunch date and couldn't make it.

So when Jessica and Willie showed up at Hashbeam's in jess's car, I told them what had happened.

"But she said she'll be gone all day," I added. "So there's no need to change our plans."

"Good enough," Willie said. "As long as the kid is there by himself."

"Look," I said, "I don't want to sit here all day sucking my thumb.

Give me a call after it goes down and let me know what's happening."

"I'll phone you," Jess promised. "Now give me the keys to your Taurus.

You got enough gas?"

"Full tank," I assured her. "Listen, I wish you guys the best of luck."

"Piece of cake," Willie said, and I hoped he was right.

I brought all my stuff over to the Barrows' garage on Wednesday morning after Mother left for work. Chet had already brought his things down, so we were all ready to go. But Mrs. Barrow was still in the house, and we talked about how we could run away while she was there.

"We didn't think of that," Chet said. "How are we going to call for a cab if my mom is here? She'll want to know what's going on." , Then we saw my father wave to us, and he left in his car.

"Now we can move all our stuff to my house," I said, "and call a cab from there."

"Gee, I don't know," Chet said, and I could see he was worried. "Mom could be looking out the window and see us leave."