David Baldacci - Fries Alive

Wally smiled and then started drinking part of the lake. “I need lots of liquid in my diet,” he explained. “It guards against, you know, that poop backup thingie.”

“You’re referring to constipation,” said Theodore.

Wally nodded and his eyes grew huge as he said in a low voice, “Right. Constantinople is bad, very, very bad.”

“And us?” said one of the two redheads.

“Hmmm,” said a puzzled Freddy. “I hadn’t given you names. And there used to be only one of you.”

The unhappy-looking redhead’s mouth drooped even more and his eyes were downcast. “Oh, it’s okay. I probably don’t deserve a name anyway.”

The other redhead was smiling broadly and looked ready to laugh at any moment. He smacked his twin on the back. “Hey, I bet he’ll come up with a great name for us. Uh, names, that is.” He looked at Freddy. “You will, won’t you?”

Freddy looked very uncomfortable for a moment, but then it hit him. He had split the wiring on the chip in the red Fry’s head to give it two personalities. When the Fry had separated into two heads, each had taken one of the personalities: sad and happy.

“I’ve got it,” he exclaimed. He pointed to the smiling redhead. “You’re Si.” He pointed to the depressed redhead. “And you’re Meese.” He laughed. “Get it? Sia – meese?”

Si and Meese looked clueless.

“Siamese twins,” said Theodore in his authoritative voice. “The pairing of identical persons within one body. Decidedly rare indeed. Although I believe the more modern term is ‘conjoined.’”

“Hey,” pouted Wally, “I was just about to say that.”

“But con and joined just don’t have the same ring as Si and Meese,” said Freddy.

“Rare, huh?” said Si. “Wow, I told you he’d come up with a great one. That’a boy, Freddy.”

Meese looked even more depressed. “If it’s so rare I bet no one will remember it.”

Freddy looked over at the green Fry that was staring at him from under his ball cap, but then the Fry quickly looked away. Freddy said, “Don’t you want to know what your name is?”

The green Fry shook its head, but he did turn one anxious eyeball in Freddy’s direction. “You’re a curlicue fry, so I named you Curly.”

Curly looked like he wanted to smile but didn’t exactly know how. So instead he blew his nose very loudly and wiggled his enormous ears.

“Good job, Curly,” Freddy said. “You’re a good nose blower and ear wiggler.”

“Thankyouverymuch,” mumbled Curly.

“And what’s your name?” asked Theodore.

“Freddy. Freddy T. Funkhouser.”

“What’s the T stand for?” asked Theodore.

“Tesla. He was a very famous inventor. My dad’s an inventor too.”

“Cool, what does he invent?” said Wally. “Uh, what’s invent mean?”

“To construct something of originality using one’s imagination and know-how,” said Theodore.

“Hey, you’re an inventor, Freddy, because you invented us,” exclaimed Ziggy.

“That’s right!” said Freddy. “In fact, I’m well on my way to being the most famous inventor ever.” A crack of lightning hit near them. “But right now we need to get to shore, fast.”

“No problem, little dude,” said Wally. He turned his mouth to the water and started blowing. The purple raft shot toward land.

Freddy’s mind was going a million miles a minute. He could see now that simply sticking the Fries on the Burger Castle float was kid stuff. Very soon everyone would know them. And he and his dad would be famous together. They wouldn’t need the Burger Castle to make a living.

He turned to the Fries. “I need time to think of the best way to introduce you to the world. So until then, you have to stay hidden.”

The Fries all looked at each other, and finally Theodore said in his deep voice, “You have our solemn word that we will henceforth remain incognito.”

“Yep, incockadoodle,” added Wally.

When they reached land, Freddy poured some water on Howie’s face to revive him. Howie sat up, and Freddy quickly introduced him to the Fries.

“You did it, Freddy!” yelled an excited Howie.

Freddy was beaming. “Yep. The Fries are officially alive.”

By the time they got back to the barn that was on top of Freddy’s secret lab the storm had passed and the day was turning warm and sunny. Reminding the Fries to stay hidden in the barn, the boys left to go home and get ready for school.

The Fries did keep their word about staying out of sight – until Wally got hungry and slipped outside to look for food, only to fall asleep. That wouldn’t have been a big problem except that Nancy Funkhouser, who’d left school early that day because she said she wasn’t feeling well, chose that time to slink out of bed and go swimming in the small pond near Freddy’s secret laboratory.

After she finished her swim, Nancy decided to pick some flowers while she dried off. Next to Freddy’s lab there was a whole bunch of pretty ones. One by one she plucked them – reds and yellows and blues and – and then she saw a fat purple one. And it had five toes attached to it! She touched it and it moved. She jumped back. She touched it again and it moved again, and then she thought she heard a giggle.

“Who’s that?” she said in a frightened voice.

Wally sat straight up from where he had been taking a nap in the flowers.

“It’s me, Wally,” he boomed out. Then he looked panicked. “Oops, I wasn’t supposed to let you see me. But since you’re here, do you have anything to eat?” He grabbed the flowers she was holding and swallowed them. “Nice appetizer. Can I see the dinner menu now?”

A screaming Nancy ran off so fast her red hair stuck straight out behind her; it looked like her head was on fire.

That scared Wally so badly he took off running too, and ran right into the barn door and knocked himself out. He lay on the ground, a great big purple blob.

The other Fries peeked out of the barn and saw Nancy running off.

“My educated opinion,” said Theodore, “is that we have been discovered.”

“I bet they’ll come and eat us,” added Meese sadly. “And I just got my name too. Even if nobody will ever remember it.”

“We have to hide,” squeaked Ziggy.

“I bet we’ll find a great place to hide,” responded Si. “A super-duper swello one. Right, Meese?”

“We’re all doomed,” replied Meese gloomily. “We’ll be crushed to bits. We probably only have seconds to live. Oh, well – it’s not like anyone will miss me.”

“Yeah, but they’ll miss me. I’m a real fun guy to be around,” exclaimed Si. “And if you go down, I go down.”

At that moment, Curly uncoiled himself so he was about twelve feet tall. He saw the two people coming over the hill. He tapped Theodore on the shoulder.

“Ohboygottamovefastpeoplecoming,” he mumbled hurriedly.

“Let’s expedite our removal from these environs with all due haste,” ordered an alarmed Theodore.

“NO TIME FOR THAT, LET’S RUN!” shouted Wally, who had woken up and heard Curly.

The Fries shot into the woods in such a blur of color that they looked like a running rainbow.

Minutes later, Nancy came sprinting up holding a large frying pan in one hand and a can of bug killer in the other. Her father came puffing up behind her. His head and hands were bandaged. “Okay, Nanny Boo-Boo, where are they, whatever they are?”