Don Winslow - The Trail to Buddha_s Mirror

“I’ll bet.”

“He asked me to ‘nurture’ my relationship with Robert and persuade him to come to China.”

A goofy symmetry occurred to Neal: Li Lan’s father summoned her to talk Pendleton into going to China; Neal’s “Dad” got him to persuade Pendleton to go home.

“At first I refused. I wanted nothing more to do with politics. My life was so happy. I sent a message back begging Father to release me from this request.”

I did a little begging myself. Did you do any better at it than I did? And what card did your father play?

“Then Father sent back the message that persuaded me. My sister was alive.”

The ace of hearts.

“Sister was alive, but in prison. Robert was to be the price of her release.”

Family is fate.

“I could not then refuse. It was my duty, and the fulfillment of the vision Kuan Yin had shown me in the Buddha’s Mirror. I could not realize my true self until I confronted the face of my sister. I could not be released until she was free.

“Through Chinese agents in Hong Kong, I received more training. Training was easy for me because of my Buddhist discipline. I continued to write Robert. Then he wrote saying that he was coming to California. Would I meet him there? I told Father this news. He urged me to go. ‘Now is the time,’ he said.

“I had met Olivia Kendall in Hong Kong some time before. She liked my painting and had invited me to have a showing at her gallery. I wrote to her and accepted. I met Robert at his conference.”

“And everything was working out just fine until Mark Chin showed up.”

“We went to Olivia’s. And then you came.”

“So now they have Pendleton, and you have your sister back, and you can both go back to being Daddy’s good little girls.”

“Hong will be released when Robert begins his work here. Robert is in hiding, and we will only bring him out when it is safe.”

“When will that be?”

“When you leave.”

Ouch.

He traced the bones in her fingers and was surprised when she did the same on his other hand. “Let’s be grown-ups here for a minute,” he said. “You and I and all your buddies know that-once I’m home-there’s nothing to stop me from telling everything I know.”

She gripped his hand. “They would kill me.”

That would stop me.

“They’re bluffing.”

“‘Bluffing’?”

“Making an empty threat.”

She squeezed tighter. “I am a hostage to your honor.”

Boy, are you in trouble.

“Wouldn’t it be safer just to have me killed?”

“Yes.”

“Is that why you came to tell me your story? So I would understand? Sympathize?”

“Yes.”

He swallowed hard before asking the next question. “So you made love to me to improve the odds, is that it?”

She whispered the answer in his ear. “No. I made love with you because I wanted to make love with you.”

So there it was. The deal was pretty clear. Her life for his, his life for hers. Talk about symmetry. Talk about Buddha’s Mirror.

“I have to ask you something,” he said. “Is Pendleton a volunteer? Does he want to be here, or is he a prisoner?”

“Does this make a difference?”

“It makes all the difference. You have to understand that if Pendleton wants to go home, I have to help him. I can’t stay silent. So if that’s the case, let’s find a way to get all three of us out of here.”

“Robert is very happy. He has his work. He has me.”

Then Robert is very happy.

“That brings up another ugly question. Just what is Robert’s work?”

She looked at him oddly, an I-thought-you-knew-this-already look. “To make things grow.”

“And he’s worth all this? Just because he can make things grow?”

“You have not seen hunger.”

This is true, Neal thought. I always thought I had it tough after midnight when the Burger Joint stopped delivering and I had to walk down there.

“But you must have plenty of agricultural experts here.”

“No. So many were killed! And none with Robert’s knowledge.”

So Pendleton gets to spend the rest of his life growing rice and loving Li Lan. Okay. But what about Li Lan?

“What about you?” he asked.

“What about me?”

“Do you love him?”

“He is good. He is kind. He will do wonderful things for my country.”

“Right. Do you love him?”

She rolled over on top of him, stroking his face as she spoke. “You and I, Neal Carey, we are from different worlds. Your ‘love’ is not our ‘love.’”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

In a lifetime of questions it was the hardest one.

“Do you love me back?”

She looked him in the eyes, and it was heartbreak and grace at the same time. “Yes.”

“You’re breaking my heart.”

“I know this, too.”

“How can you send me away?”

“To save our lives.”

“I’ll risk it.”

“To save our souls.”

He saw himself in her eyes. Buddha’s Mirror.

“It is still dark out,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“We have some time.”

He shrugged.

She slid down and took him in her mouth. He tried to focus on his anger and hurt, but soon he turned her around and then he was drinking from her. Then he entered her and they laid side by side.

“Tell me,” he said.

“I love you.”

“Say it in Chinese.”

“Wo ai ni, Neal.”

“Wo ai ni, Lan.”

Their world erupted into the clouds and the rain before they fell asleep. He woke up a while later and listened to her breathing.

Li Lan’s life for my silence, he thought. The Book of Joe Graham, Chapter Eight, Verse Five: Every undercover operation ends in a betrayal. I wonder if Graham expected this one to end in me betraying him and Friends.

It was still dark when he woke her up.

“It’s no good,” he said.

“What is no good?” she mumbled sleepily.

“I have to hear it from him.”

“You are having a dream. Go back to sleep.”

I wish I could, Li. I wish I could put my conscience to sleep, make love with you once more before dawn, and then sleepwalk my way through the rest of this deal. But it is no good. I have to hear from Pendleton that he wants to stay. I was sent to save him from his infatuation, and that’s what I still have to do.

“I have to talk with Pendleton myself.”

“Not possible.”

“He has to tell me himself that he wants to give the rest of his life to this little 4-H project you have cooked up for him.”

She reached between his legs and stroked him. “Do not be so silly.”

He grabbed her wrist and held it still. “Take me to him. Let me talk to him alone for five minutes. If he still wants to stay, okay. I’ll go home and keep my mouth shut. Word of honor.”

He could feel the muscles in her wrist tighten against his hand.

“What if he says he wants to leave?” she asked.

“Will he?”

“No.”

“Then why bring it up?”

She snatched her wrist away and sat up. “What if?”

He looked at the sudden anger in her eyes. It looked odd against her sleepy face and tousled hair.

“Then I have to try to take him home,” Neal answered.

“You do not trust me,” she said.

“Don’t take it personally. I don’t trust anyone.”

He watched as her angry glare turned thoughtful. Then the look became seductive. She was an actress changing emotions for the camera.

“Go home tomorrow,” she said. “I will visit you once a year. For a week in San Francisco. Every year until you are tired of me.”

We’re right back in the hot tub, he thought. Nothing’s changed, including the sorry fact that I want to say yes.

“That’s sick and desperate,” he said.