Dave Zeltserman - Small crimes

All the conviction and certainty drained from Ferguson's eyes. His pale doughy face was now clouded by doubt. I guess my story rang true to him. And if Junior had been sent to collect from Billy Ferguson it well could have turned out the way it did.

'You think Vassey's son could've killed Billy?' he asked, his attitude and manner now completely changed, almost subservient.

'It's possible,' I said. 'But as I say, if he did, we never would have been able to prove it.’

‘Why?'

'Manny's just too smart. He would've cleaned it up and bought an airtight alibi for his son.'

Ferguson seemed to shrink inwards as he digested this. Large creases of doubt formed along his forehead.

'So how long were you in the army?' I asked.

'What? Oh, uh, twenty-two years,' he answered, distracted.

'Really? I'll tell you, Scott, that's something. You must've gotten a chance to see quite a bit.'

'Yeah, well, I guess so,' he muttered, only half hearing me.

'Where were you stationed?'

'What? Oh, the last five years in Heidelberg.'

'No kidding? You know, I've never been more than a few hours from Bradley. I really should go to Europe some time. You know, see the world. Maybe you could let me know places I should visit-'

'Yeah, sure,' he said. 'Look, I have to go.' He got to his feet and looked as if he had forgotten where he was. He stared blindly at the entrance before recognizing it. As he walked away I yelled out to him to take care of himself. He half-heartedly put up a hand to wave, but didn't bother looking back.

I tried to settle back into my chair, but it took a long time before I could pay attention to what was going on around me. By the time I could, Toni had finished her last set. She had only stripped down to a bikini top and a G-string, but a thick pile of dollar bills had still been thrown onstage and slipped under her garters. Guys had surrounded the stage and were begging her to take something off. She quieted them by flashing her heart-stopping smile. As she collected her money, she glanced in my direction and gave me a look of disappointment.

I finished my ale and visited Earl to get another one. When I got back Toni was sitting at my table. She was now wearing a football jersey. My guess, she probably had nothing but panties underneath it.

'I'm mad at you,' she said, playfully, her eyes sparkling.

If it were anyone else I probably would've told them to take a number. Instead, I sat down in the chair next to her and asked why.

She got up and sat on my knee. The feel of her body was electric.

'Because,' she said, 'I danced my heart out and you didn't even pay attention.' She leaned over so her mouth was against my ear. 'Sheriff Dan told me to take good care of you, Joe.'

'You recognize me, huh?'

'You're quite a celebrity. Your picture in the paper and everything.' She placed a finger on one of my scratches and traced it lightly. 'What happened?' she asked softly. 'You put your face somewhere it didn't belong?'

'Yeah, back in Bradley.'

She laughed at that. 'You're a funny guy,' she said. I usually leave them in stitches.'

She laughed again. "That's not a nice thing to say, is it, Joe?' Then her mouth up against my ear again, 'You want to see me privately?'

I found myself nodding. She got off my knee and took hold of my hand and led me past the stage and to a curtained area in the back. Past the curtains was a long hallway with four small rooms on each side. Kind of like we were in the dressing area of a clothing store. Toni picked one of the rooms, led me in, and closed the door behind us. The room was bigger than a clothing store's dressing room, but not much. She had me sit on a carpeted bench and then she sat on my thighs, straddling and facing me. Her hands were clasped behind the back of my head and she gave me that heart-stopping smile. I lowered my eyes and focused on the soft curvature of her throat, and as I did, I felt something funny in my own throat. She smelled so fresh and sweet that it made me dizzy.

'Hey, what are you staring at down there?' she asked, laughing.

I looked back into her eyes.

"That's better,' she said. 'I'd like you to know that I'm very particular who I come back here with.'

I started laughing. I couldn't help myself. 'You can't be that particular,' I said.

"Why's that?'

'Because you're with me,' I explained, the laughter dying somewhere deep within me.

'Now stop that!' She waved a finger in front of my nose, scolding me. I noticed how small her hand was. Two of them would barely make up one of mine.

She placed her hand along my jaw and caressed it. I asked Earl about you, and he told me you were a great guy. He said you used to be a regular at Kelley's, that you used to come here almost every night, but you never once stepped back here with any of the girls. Why was that?'

'I was married then.'

'Are you still married?'

'No.'

'See?' she said. 'You were being faithful, you weren't going to betray your wife. Most guys who come here couldn't care less about that. And I read all about you. What you did was not so nice, but you took responsibility for it. And Joe, most of the guys I know wouldn't have had the guts to have pled guilty.'

I didn't say anything. Her logic was twisted, but I wasn't going to argue with her. Of course I betrayed Elaine and my daughters. It didn't matter whether I had sex with any of the girls at Kelley's, just spending most of my nights at a strip club was betrayal enough. Even though I never paid much attention to the strippers, I still abandoned my family. I abandoned them so that I could sit and bullshit with Earl and listen to music and snort cocaine and try to hide from them what I had become. And as far as Phil Coakley was concerned, I didn't have the guts to do anything other than plead guilty. Elaine was right, back then I wouldn't have been able to sit in a courtroom and listen to the accusations against me. I would have done anything to avoid that.

Toni reached down and started to unbuckle my belt. I stopped her. She gave me a tender smile. I know, it's been a long time,' she said.

'I'm just not ready right now.'

'Would you like some coke?'

I found myself nodding. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on my cheek. Then she got up and left the room. It had been a long time, but it was more than that. Elaine had been my first and only girlfriend. I dated her through high school and married her right afterwards. She was the only woman I had ever been with. But it was more than that.

All the hopes I had for turning my life around were turning to dust. I felt like I was balancing on an icy precipice and that any wrong move would send me tumbling off into oblivion. What I was going to have to do in the next few days was bad enough, but at least when it was done I could put it behind me and move on. Now, though, I was back at Kelley's, and not only that, but in one of their private rooms with a girl half my age and paid to be with me. I was falling back into my old habits. Drifting back into whatever was easy. Worse actually. But I was too paralyzed to move. Toni was too beautiful and I wanted too much what she had to offer. Still, it made me sick inside.

There was a light knock on the door, and Toni came back into the room and sat on my lap. She had a vial and a coke spoon with her. She opened the vial, filled the coke spoon, and snorted it. I could see the rush hit her, I could see the effect it had on her eyes and mouth. I wanted to bolt, but as I said before, I was paralyzed. When she offered me the spoon I took it. The rush hit me hard. I could feel the cocaine stinging the back of my eyes. I could taste it deep in my throat. We both did several more hits. She put the vial down and started to take off her football jersey. I stopped her.

'Either you're a really big football fan or you're shy,' she said, laughing, her expression quizzical.