Dave Zeltserman - Small crimes

Dan rubbed a hand across his eyes. I glanced over and saw that his smile had faded. He looked different, weary, his boyish features gone.

'Manny's been sick for about a year now,' he said. 'He was always a ruthless, tough bastard, but he was sane and his bottom line was business. You could work with him. Since Junior's taken over, it's been different. The guy's a sadistic nut job who gets off on showing the world what a badass he is. Money's secondary with him. If I didn't have to worry about consequences with Manny, I would've taken Junior into the woods months ago and put a bullet in his head.'

Dan stopped to push a hand through his hair and scratch the back of his head. When he looked back at me, he gave me a faint, almost apologetic smile.

'Let me tell you about this special room he built,' he continued. 'This college kid up in Burlington was supposedly manufacturing and distributing crystal meth without Junior's blessing. A few months ago this kid disappears without a trace, and then a rumor starts circulating about Junior's special room and how Junior had this college kid brought there and tied to the butcher's table. According to the rumor, Junior chopped the kid up with a meat cleaver and burned the body parts in the furnace. I had to investigate it. Even though I knew it could end up biting me in the ass with Manny, I had to look into it. So I got a search warrant and sure enough I found a soundproof room with nothing in it but a butcher's table and a furnace. Forensics went over it with a fine-tooth comb but Junior must have scrubbed it clean.'

'And you would've arrested Junior if you found anything?'

'I would've had to,' he said. 'I know this must sound out of character for me, but I would've had to take my chances with Manny. Some things you just can't ignore. But I promise you this; when Manny checks out Junior will be following close behind.'

I had gotten back to Dan's truck. I swung a quick U-turn and pulled up behind it.

He turned to me and placed a hand on my arm in a brotherly sort of way. His pleasant smile was back on, but it didn't quite erase the weariness around his eyes. 'Look, Joe,' he said, 'I know it's been almost eight years. As a friend I've taken care of things. Go to Kelley's, have yourself a good time.'

He started to get out of my car but stopped and faced me again. 'You've got two days left, Joe. Take care of it, okay?'

I half heard myself asking how I was supposed to get to Manny while he was being monitored twenty-four hours a day in the hospital.

'You're a smart man, think of something. If you can't there's always our DA friend.'

'If anything happens to Phil I'm the first guy they'll go after,' I said.

He stared at me for what seemed like minutes. 'Worst case get yourself a hunting rifle and wait outside his door Monday night. I'll make sure my boys bungle the investigation.'

I knew he was lying. I also knew the Bradley police would take charge of any murder within the city limits. If the Bradley police got a strong whiff that I was involved, which they would, then his deputies would step in and take care of me. Maybe he wouldn't even take that chance and would have his deputies waiting nearby to deal with me on the spot. He was simply improvising on Plan B where Phil and I both ended up dead.

As he was getting into his truck, I yelled out to him, asking him what Manny had on him. He ignored my question. Before driving off he rolled down his window and gave me a halfhearted wave.

I sat in my car numb. I don't think I ever felt the level of despair that I felt right then. Not even after my sentencing. Not even after Elaine had dumped me and had my divorce papers delivered by courier while I sat locked away in jail. 1 felt like I could barely move, as if all my strength had bled out of me.

The other day when I left jail I was determined not to cause any more damage in my life. But that was short lived. In less than a day I put two boys in the hospital and God knows what I did to Clara Coakley. And now all I could think about was murder. Because Dan was right, that was the only way out, or at least the only way out I could see. It had to be Manny or Phil. The problem was I didn't see any way to get to Manny and I'd already done so much damage to Phil. The idea of doing any more just made me weaker.

At that moment, sitting in my car, I don't think I ever felt lower in my life. It all seemed so pointless. If I had a gun I probably would've used it. And during that moment of great despair all I could think about was Kelley's; as if they could offer me some sort of salvation. At least help me get through the next few hours.

Kelley's was in the middle of nowhere, sitting on the edge of Bradley off Route Six. It was maybe eighty yards from the road and if you didn't know it was there you'd probably pass by without realizing it. Even if you did see the building you wouldn't know what it was. And that was the way it was supposed to be. Nothing about the concrete exterior would give you any idea what went on inside. As long as they made their monthly payoffs and kept things quiet, the local police and sheriff s office left them alone. My guess was there were a good number of people who'd lived in Bradley their whole lives and didn't know Kelley's existed.

Before my arrest I used to spend a lot of time at Kelley's. It was a good place to hang out. Good music, good booze, and an easy source for cocaine. Most nights I'd just sit and talk to Earl and not even pay attention to what was happening onstage. All the time I spent there, I never once ventured out of the main club area. I never went into the back rooms or took any of the girls up on their offers. I guess back then I was just looking for ways to stay out of the house and Kelley's was as good as any.

I ended up driving past its entranceway several times before I found it. It was dark and it had been a while, but eventually I found the narrow dirt path that made up its driveway. The parking lot was less than half full, which was slow for a Saturday night. A biker type guarding the door gave me the once-over as I made my way in, but didn't say anything. There was no cover charge at Kelley's. They had plenty of ways to take money off you without needing a cover charge.

I saw Earl working the bar. Earl owned the place and most nights doubled as bartender and bouncer. He looked like a lot of bikers I've known – a big bald-headed guy with a mustache and goatee and thick arms that were decorated with tattoos. He did a double take when he saw me.

'Holy shit,' he said. 'Joe, Joe Denton. Howya doin', man? Get over here!'

I took a seat at the bar and we shook hands. He had added a couple of tattoos to the side of his neck and a necklace tattoo made up of intertwined serpents that went around his collarbone. He gave me a big grin.

'Shit, it's been a long fucking time. You surviving okay on the outside, man?'

I was going to give him some bullshit answer but I was feeling too low for that. 'It's been rough,' I admitted.

'Yeah, I hear you.' He gave me a sympathetic nod. Lowering his voice, 'You need anything? Coke?'

I hadn't thought about drugs until that moment, but as soon as he mentioned coke I found myself weakening. A couple of lines Would help clear my head and put me in a better mood. It scared me to realize how badly I wanted to do some lines right then. It was a struggle, but I shook my head. Almost as if it were a dream I heard myself tell him no thanks.

He seemed somewhat surprised, but nodded. 'Hey, man, you change your mind, let me know. At least let me buy you a drink. What will you have?'

'Just a beer,' I said.

'You got it, buddy.'

He opened a bottle of imported ale that I used to drink exclusively and handed it to me, still showing a friendly grin. Bob Seger's 'Her Strut' was blasting out behind me. I turned around and saw a slender, dark-haired girl onstage naked except for garter belts and high-heeled shoes. She was moving quickly to the music, but stopped to squat down so that an overweight slob signaling with a dollar bill could have a better look. The dollar bill was slipped into one of her garter belts and she held her position for a few more seconds before moving off. Vermont's a topless-only state, but the rules for the most part were ignored at Kelley's.